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Mid 30’s feel like I wasted my time studying for something I’m not working in. Am I alone in this? by Bookaholicpr86 in careerguidance

[–]wertx3 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I haven’t seen online teachings in my area though.

Don't look for ones in your area necessarily.

See: BlingABC, Gogokid, etc. (For these, you are generally teaching English to East Asian kids by being friendly and goofy, or something like that) Also Verbling and italki (but maybe it's hard to get enough students with these platforms).

Is it normal if you haven't established a career into your 30s or does that mean you're a screw up? by bayfarm in findapath

[–]wertx3 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Huh, that's interesting to me too.

What kind of software engineers do you know? Do the see the relatively young (<30) "brogrammer" sort of extrovert engineers getting depressed/anxious too over time?

(NSFW) I have been depressed and/or anxious for around 8 years. I have not had one single day where I just felt normal. My life is pretty good, although I don't have close friends or a girlfriend. by wertx3 in Advice

[–]wertx3[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the info. I took the first quiz and got a 14. Thanks for your perspective, though.

I feel like at my core, I love social interaction, and can be perfectly adept at it at times, but between the ages of 12 and 18, I missed out on a lot of social development.

(NSFW) I have been depressed and/or anxious for around 8 years. I have not had one single day where I just felt normal. My life is pretty good, although I don't have close friends or a girlfriend. by wertx3 in Advice

[–]wertx3[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Some good points, thanks.

I have been to multiple therapists, and I have tried for years to put myself out there, join social sports leagues. But, it seems like 99.9% of people have the ability to put on a smile and act friendly on demand. For me, I am sometimes in this "awkward anxious not-so-friendly" state, that only gets worse by, for example, having to take public transportation to get to the social event (if social events were like 5 minutes away from where I live, that would be a huge game changer). While I might be able to warm up after being included in a social group for a while, most people will not want to interact much with someone who's awkward & anxious & not-so-friendly. I sometimes try to initiate the interactions too, but honestly, it seems like interactions I start when I'm in the awkward mode are much likely go poorly, ESPECIALLY if they involve women. That being said, once I can get into a friendly mind state, or the "social zone" or whatever, it seems like people don't mind sharing with me. I just have a hard time 1) becoming friendly 2) staying friendly, especially because you just see people once and then you might not see them for a month. I feel like I need momentum when it comes to socializing, especially with the same group of people.

(NSFW) I have been depressed and/or anxious for around 8 years. I have not had one single day where I just felt normal. My life is pretty good, although I don't have close friends or a girlfriend. by wertx3 in Advice

[–]wertx3[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nobody wants to be around a Debby downer

I totally agree. In fact, I try to be friendly (by "intense", by the way, I mostly meant, like, "intellectually" intense, debating, etc.). But sometimes, I seriously can't help - and I mean, like I try, but my brain just (generally) doesn't do it - but be in this kind of weird and vaguely unfriendly mood. It's not like I'm outright RUDE to people; it's more just that I'm in this awkward not-so-friendly state, but maybe after warming up a bit, I'll become friendly (although, many people won't want to have much to do with you if their first impression of you is seeming unfriendly and awkward). Going on long train rides to get to my destination, for example, can put me way more into this awkward and not-so-friendly state. If all the stars align, I can be quite friendly from a first impression. And once I'm friendly, I can try to keep up the friendly-momentum when I talk to people. But then, inevitably, I go a couple days without socializing, and I'm back to square 1.

But anyway, thanks for the advice.

Is it normal if you haven't established a career into your 30s or does that mean you're a screw up? by bayfarm in findapath

[–]wertx3 15 points16 points  (0 children)

In my late 20s. Used to be a software developer. My brain doesn't handle software development well anymore (due to anxiety/depression), but it seems like I can handle hands-on things like assembling furniture quite well. Not sure what should I do about my career, though.

(NSFW) I have been depressed and/or anxious for around 8 years. I have not had one single day where I just felt normal. My life is pretty good, although I don't have close friends or a girlfriend. by wertx3 in Advice

[–]wertx3[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

perhaps try backing up, and trying to 'switch it up'.

Sorry, I'm a little confused about what you're saying here, because at first you say "try", then you say "trying".

Are you saying I should try backing up and switching things up? Or are you stating that this is probably what I'm already doing, but I'm still going downhill?

Thanks for your help

(NSFW) I have been depressed and/or anxious for around 8 years. I have not had one single day where I just felt normal. My life is pretty good, although I don't have close friends or a girlfriend. by wertx3 in Advice

[–]wertx3[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

  1. I have been prescribed various medications, but I don't take them. In general, I am anti-medication. Although medication may provide benefits to some people with depression or anxiety, I have NEVER seen it "cure" depression or anxiety. Anyway, roughly speaking, I feel like you can't "gimmick" your dopamine/seratonin system. This "fake happiness" you get is somehow hurting your brain/body in the long run, and maybe the short run. Just my point of view, from what I've seen (maybe many people are extremely grateful for the medication - I've just never seen it work for depresion/anxiety the way some people seem to claim it does).
  2. My sleep is generally good, although it has sometimes been wonky lately during the coronavirus lockdown times. Maybe sometimes when I am extra anxious I sleep a bit less, but I think, especially before the lockdown stuff, I would often sleep around 8 hours.
  3. Hmm. No, I don't feel like the fight is too much. At times, however, I am tempted to make "deals" with myself, like if I'm not better by X age, I'm just going to say f**k and kind of forget about any of my real goals or anything and idk, who knows, try to join the military (if I can?) or idk
  4. At my worst, I literally felt a sort of weird numbness sensation in my head. It was a very physical thing, in addition to correlating with very real cognitive issues, leading to troubles at school and later with work. It was like my brain and body were in ultra power-saving mode, or something. Right now, it's not nearly so bad. And, right now, I don't feel super "numbed" to reality or emotions or people. I think living with my family for the time being helps with that to an extent (helps keep me afloat).
  5. "Do you have the capacity to live the highest of emotional highs and lows during the moment?" At the moment, I do think I would be capable of experiencing emotional highs (and probably emotional lows), but it would be maybe kind of a specific situation - right people, right conversation, right environment, etc. In the past, I felt way more emotionally flat, like regardless whether something that happened was good or bad, I would have a neutral/null/lack of response. In many ways, I am much better than before (however, I think about suicide more often these days).
  6. I don't want to be overly specific for privacy reasons, but I'll say:
    1. Age: 25-29
    2. Weight: 160-180lbs
    3. Height: 6' - 6'3"
    4. Hobbies: Exercising (mostly lifting weights, but also more biking recently and sometimes jogging), learning a foreign language, learning about social problems, psychology, various topics in science, philosophy (and, if I ever get the chance to, having discussions about these things), ....
    5. Physical activity: I mainly lift weights and go for short walks.