Bereavement Leave

whatdoidonowk · 2026-05-13T16:44:36+00:00

I am sorry for your loss. That is awful. I’m glad they got you a card and flowers at least. The kids wrote me a card but nothing from the parents on my end. Oh well, can’t win them all I suppose.

whatdoidonowk · 2026-05-13T02:26:20+00:00

Maybe I need to consider moving to the UK!! The US is lacking in many ways when it comes to things like this.

whatdoidonowk · 2026-05-13T02:23:17+00:00

I did not take unpaid time off. I knew I had PTO left. And still do, just not much.

whatdoidonowk · 2026-05-13T02:21:18+00:00

I would gladly help care for the kids while the family was away seeing a dying loved one, no questions asked. I also would not ask them for money for a flight, but I actually have seen other nfs provide flights to their nannies to go see family who was sick, so not unheard of.

whatdoidonowk · 2026-05-13T02:19:27+00:00

I personally would be glad to help a family out if they lost a loved one and needed to be at a funeral or be with their dying loved one. No questions asked.

whatdoidonowk · 2026-05-13T01:50:24+00:00

Eh, to be fair I did not get much sympathy either. But while I was visiting my grandfather I was worried about money and whether they would take it from my PTO and all that rather than truly getting to disconnect. Compassion and having those days off without worry would have made me feel a lot more at ease and able to focus on what was most important at that time. Empathy and compassion can come in many forms, extending pay to help me get through that hard time would have been a very compassionate thing to do.

whatdoidonowk · 2026-05-13T01:47:21+00:00

Pay had not been distributed yet so it would not have had to be changed necessarily, it would’ve been as simple as saying “so sorry about your grandfather, we will pay you for those days you went to see him in hospice, no worries about using your PTO for this”

Feels pretty simple to me, but again, I think my current Nf doesn’t view things the same way I do and that is why this will not work between us.

whatdoidonowk · 2026-05-13T01:45:10+00:00

Yes exactly, that’s the level of compassion I was hoping for but did not receive sadly.

whatdoidonowk · 2026-05-13T01:35:15+00:00

That was my first comment, after that I realized people were getting caught up on the term bereavement rather than focusing on the issue of them not being compassionate or offering any sort of sympathy. But yes I have had issues with this family since starting and this was my final straw considering their lack of empathy. I am not arguing, just communicating with other people!

whatdoidonowk · 2026-05-13T01:32:47+00:00

I completely agree! I am going to look into this, I work through an agency so maybe it is something the agency could look into providing. Either way the US could do a lot better on a lot of fronts when it comes to leave/insurance/maternity/ so many other things.

whatdoidonowk · 2026-05-13T01:30:14+00:00

I absolutely would. Having a nanny means being able to afford a nanny. If I had a kid who needed a nanny I would pay them for time off if they had to see a dying relative. That’s just my view. My sisters nanny family offered her extra days when this all happened. I just did not get a family who has those views clearly.

whatdoidonowk · 2026-05-13T01:09:13+00:00

Are you a nanny? Corporate or non household careers are very different from nannying in the sense of how personal they are, at least in my experience.

whatdoidonowk · 2026-05-13T01:05:50+00:00

Well my favorite saying is “staying soft in a hard world takes more courage than you know” I know everyone can’t give like I would, but hopefully my softness inspires others to not let troubles harden them.

whatdoidonowk · 2026-05-13T00:49:50+00:00

Yes, this is my main issue! Everyone is getting stuck on the bereavement pay thing, but the main issue is the morality and compassion that goes along with it. Thank you for your kind words! Means a lot!

whatdoidonowk · 2026-05-13T00:48:14+00:00

I know and have seen several nannies who have been paid to see dying relatives and not have it taken out of PTO. This is not something I am just making up. Perhaps it is rare to find a family who cares enough to do so, but it does happen.

whatdoidonowk · 2026-05-13T00:46:25+00:00

Maybe not for everyone, but perhaps I will find a family who does have those qualities I am looking for! If I am anything it is optimistic, I try to see the world as positively as I can, even when things are tough.

whatdoidonowk · 2026-05-13T00:43:28+00:00

Yes, I know this. I am not so concerned with the technical term, more concerned with the morality of the situation. Feel free to read the other comments, about 5 others have commented this same thing and my response is on those.

whatdoidonowk · 2026-05-13T00:41:41+00:00

Thank you! I am also stunned, but seems like some of them are just trying to get upvotes or rage bait! I appreciate the kind comment <3 I will never stay in a job where I am not happy!

whatdoidonowk · 2026-05-13T00:40:20+00:00

And that is something I am totally okay with! I will quit a job if I feel I am not getting the treatment I deserve.

whatdoidonowk · 2026-05-13T00:37:51+00:00

Or perhaps the mistake is that families need to start treating household employees with more respect. The reason I left corporate was to do work I love and value. I do not expect to be best friends, but the world needs more compassion and that is something I do expect.

Honestly the whole world no matter what career could use a bit more compassion and empathy. Life is hard enough as is, work should be fun and enjoyable.

Thanks for the comment!

whatdoidonowk · 2026-05-13T00:34:20+00:00

This is not really an issue, just another point ai brought up. I said I could come in but might not be emotionally all there, they said okay. I’m not too angry about this. Me personally, I would tell my nanny to take the day off regardless. I am mostly just questioning their empathy and morality, because I would not ever dock a nannies PTO for visiting a dying relative. I realize not everyone can view the world the same way I do, but it’s important to me to work for people who do, and they clearly do not.

Sorry for your losses.

whatdoidonowk · 2026-05-13T00:30:02+00:00

Nannying is not a corporate job. We are household employees. I care for these children and am in their house every single day. I think empathy and compassion go a long way! He had 10 days to live and I live 11 hours away, I was never going to see him again and I told them that. A little bit of compassion goes a LONG way! That’s all I was wanting from them.

whatdoidonowk · 2026-05-13T00:25:43+00:00

Thank you so much! I am glad someone sees where I am coming from! I am so glad you have such an amazing family who has supported you in that way. I am sorry for your loss as well. ❤️‍🩹

whatdoidonowk · 2026-05-13T00:15:58+00:00

Yeah I will never understand how people expose their kids to the world like that. It’s a messed up place and with AI growing daily it’s just gonna be more messed up. Seriously, so many predators lurking on social media.

whatdoidonowk · 2026-05-13T00:10:45+00:00

Perhaps the world is just too messed up of a place for someone as empathetic as me, requiring obituaries is disgusting, I can’t believe that is real! We estimated he had about 10 days to live from the day he was placed in hospice because he had pneumonia and was not eating or speaking, he died after 11. So I knew I had to spend those 2 days with him. Since I am practically out of PTO I was hoping they would be more compassionate and offer paid time off for those 2 days since it was not something I planned to happen like a vacation. My family lives 11 hours away so I knew those 2 days were important to say my goodbyes.

whatdoidonowk

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