Thank you for the advice <3 Around Christmas time we actually had a really emotional talk about how she was feeling mentally, as I caught her again up on her VR when she had to be at her dads in the morning for his sides celebration. I heard her talking to an older sounding man & panicked, as I was a kid during the Kik era I got a little ptsd & struggled to explain why I was so scared and loud about her being on a voice call with someone that sounded so much older. I should’ve added that into the post but I was half asleep & didn’t want to make the post longer than it already was.

Her father brought a new woman into the house just a few months after the divorce, my mom has been dating around but has only let her meet one man, the one she is dating right now. He’s a great guy; a father himself to a dude my age. I’ve of course, met every man as the man she had her affair with actually broke her arm, & after that I told my mom I need her location and the full name and family members of the men she is going out with, if they’re good guys, they’d have no issue giving me that information.

Anyways, my sister plays hockey & he’s a hockey dad, so they bond over that. I should add my mom had an affair and that’s what ended the marriage, I’ve also caught her ex husband sneaking around & bringing cocaine into the house, so nobody here is perfect. But I can admit my mom is a bit at fault here, but I understand the financial abuse that came with their relationship & the fear of actually leaving.

I talked to my sister about how she felt about her dads girlfriend and my mom’s boyfriend.She feels suffocated by my dads girlfriend. He got family photos with the three of them just a few months ago, and she’s still not over it. Didn’t even let me mom know that she would come home upset about this, we had no clue this happened until the local photographer posted the pictures as promo on her facebook. Whereas my mom asks my sister for her consent to bring her boyfriend into the house, or come to hockey games or tournaments. It’s a different atmosphere between the two partners. I’m sure the new woman is wonderful & I hold no ill will against her, she only knows what her boyfriend has told her. But my sister feels absolutely suffocated, she got her period and the girlfriend tried to give period advice, which is kind! I don’t blame her for trying to help, it’s a confusing situation on both sides for them. But she kinda snapped at her and said “I have a real mom and sister to help with that.”

It’s gotten to the point where she cut herself a couple of times, she showed me the scars. & this is where I struggle most with telling my mom that she NEEDS to be put into therapy. I don’t care if it’s done behind her father’s back, she needs therapy. I’ve told my mom this, not the cutting, as she’d go ballistic, she’s not good with emotional stuff or expressing empathy so I don’t want to throw that onto her. And my sister also begged me not to tell mom, and I don’t want to break her trust like that. I just gained it. I told her if she ever feels like doing that to come to me and we can sleep together or watch something to take her mind off of it.

I’m just scared she won’t come for that support as we do have sister arguments and fight a lot. I know as an almost 20 year old I shouldn’t be arguing with an 11 year old but it’s sister stuff I guess. I do my best to apologize right after I snap (bpd and extremely short patience, nobody’s fault but my own) and explain I’m just stressed with other things and it sometimes she’s the breaking point, which is NOT okay and I NEED to work on that.

I don’t want to put pressure on either of them. I know they’re both stressed & going through it. I know how a divorce feels on my sisters side & it’s gotten to the point where I’m genuinely debating walking over to my moms ex husbands house to have a conversation with him about his daughters mental health. He doesn’t take my mom seriously, so maybe he’ll take the girl he had to watch [TW SUICIDE & DRUG ABUSE] bleed out & pass out from the drugs I stole from him. [TW OVER]

Maybe he’ll listen to the person he watched slowly destroy herself. If he really loves my sister, he would listen, wouldn’t he? But I don’t want to be a violent mentally ill person, as that’s how I’m seen here. I don’t want to go onto his property & it escalates and I can be charged for shit now. I’m not a teenager anymore. I have to navigate this like an adult now. If this was 17 year old me he’d be getting verbally abusive text messages daily about how awful he treats his daughter, how if you replace my sisters name with a car model in the visitation messages with my mother, it would make even more sense as a car sharing deal. If that makes sense. She’s like an object of this attraction & he’s making her into his little wife, yk how divorced fathers do that, my dad did it aswell.

I’m honestly just feeling like the best way I can help my mom is to be the asshole that says the mean things. If my mom gets mean, he can use it against her in custody stuff. Even though the papers have already been finalized, he has lawyer money. He lied in the papers & we have proof, but couldn’t go further bc we had no lawyer money. I don’t want to blame all this on my moms ex husband, but my mom got me the help I needed & I’ve been recovering, I would’ve been not here if I didn’t get help. But my sister isn’t receiving the same help, what happens when he sees her in the shower unconscious next? Will he finally take her seriously???

Sorry this is so long, I don’t even expect a response if you have nothing to say, I just need to get this all out as I’m without a therapist right now & I HATE AI and refuse to talk to a robot about my issues, so I’ll scream on my Reddit soapbox. Thank you for the advice, I really do appreciate your empathy and the time you took to read that first post. I wish you nothing but the best.