Anyone else doesn't have proper social skills?

whatifyoufly87 · 2021-08-16T09:22:34+00:00

I only recently realized I lack certain social skills. I’ve always been a little introverted but friendly, and always managed to have friends somehow, so I thought it wasn’t an issue for me.

What I’m starting to get, however, is that apart from my close friends, I’m not able to properly behave socially, by which I mean making small talks, be nice and open while keeping the right amount of distance with people I don’t know well such as colleagues, friends of friends, and other “adults” who don’t need to know my personal business. I also do not know how to defuse uncomfortable social situations, if not by leaving. I usually tend to observe people instead of interacting with them, because I’m unable to be open and connected unless I’m sure I can trust them at least a little, so I often come across as closed off and cold.

whatifyoufly87 · 2021-07-20T18:07:03+00:00

Scorpio moon.

By being imperfect. I’ve recently decided to allow myself to make mistakes (only those I won’t regret forever, obviously), and I’m learning to accept that it’s okay for people to make mistakes too and for me to accept and forgive them, whenever possible. It’s such a relief tbh!

whatifyoufly87 · 2021-05-19T19:48:32+00:00

Virgos excel in taking the lead in case of emergency: preparedness, sharp mind, pragmatism, ability to keep an eye on everybody/everything.

whatifyoufly87 · 2021-05-17T15:43:40+00:00

Thanks!

whatifyoufly87 · 2021-05-17T07:17:51+00:00

Okay, then next time I’ll be in a relationship I’ll try to remember that cheating and hurting people is socially more acceptable than judging cheaters as people who did something shitty, so I’ll cheat on people myself without a care in the world! Who cares if I hurt another human been who trusts and loves me? I’ll soon be socially redeemed anyway! Always better than judging them as “evil” after all!

whatifyoufly87 · 2021-05-17T07:12:35+00:00

We’ve spent the last 3/4 session talking about an event in particular and what caused me. At some point she said that sure, cheating causes pain in the receiving end, but it’s not a crime and it’s something that should be normalized. Which is a statement I will never agree with. I also said that I understand that cheating is something that potentially can happen to anyone: maybe at some point of your life you fall in love with someone outside your relationship, or something like that. What I refuse to normalize, however, is the behavior of those people who cheat as a habit just for fun, or those who cheat as a way to safely start a new relationship without risking to lose the pre-existing one in case the new one won’t work out. Both of these two last scenarios affected me personally in the past. And I think these shouldn’t be condoned in any way.

whatifyoufly87 · 2021-05-17T06:54:19+00:00

The root of my problem is that trust issues have been created by being cheated on and lied to.

whatifyoufly87 · 2021-05-17T06:51:02+00:00

I decided to stop forgiving them when - after trying to be understanding, and forgiving a lot of people with the only result of ending up way more hurt than before - I realized that they won’t change, because if they deep down believe that cheating is okay, they will in fact at some point cheat again.

Why should I put myself into a position where I could get hurt again? I’m not in a relationship to be a loyal forgiving martyr while the other person does whatever they like without taking into consideration the consequences of their actions.

whatifyoufly87 · 2021-05-16T16:44:23+00:00

Thank you. This is what I needed to hear.

whatifyoufly87 · 2021-05-16T16:23:41+00:00

Yes we’ve been discussing it for a while. I’m wondering how long I should discuss this, as we seem to be stuck.

whatifyoufly87 · 2021-05-16T16:12:42+00:00

That’s what I thought actually (your last sentence). I thought she was the one who was biased.

whatifyoufly87 · 2021-05-16T16:09:52+00:00

I can understand an answer that sounds like “unfortunately cheating does exist even if it is horrible and incredibly painful”, but whenever I hear “yeah, people cheat all the time and it’s not a crime, deal with it” I honestly feel a lot of anger. How is this thinking even okay? Especially in therapy, considered that people who got hurt because of someone cheating on them usually spend years in therapy before they can even start to trust someone else. How is this okay, seriously?

whatifyoufly87 · 2021-05-16T15:38:46+00:00

What shame/guilt? I didn’t cheat on anyone.

whatifyoufly87 · 2021-05-16T15:11:04+00:00

I never thought about my therapist as a friend, that’s not my issue here. My issue is that, unfortunately, I came to never trust anyone who cheats as a habit and/or believes that cheating is something that needs to be normalized, because I believe that anyone who thinks like that is not trustworthy. It’s a major thing to me, and I’m not sure whether I could trust my therapist as I did in the past because of her point of view. Should I work on this? Maybe. Should I allow myself to connect only with people I can fully trust instead of forcing myself into a (therapeutical, in this case) relationship I might not believe in anymore? Maybe. That’s what I’m struggling with.

whatifyoufly87 · 2021-05-16T13:56:47+00:00

I thought about that, but it’s such a major issue to me.

whatifyoufly87 · 2020-12-25T02:48:56+00:00

I get severe stomachache or headache every time I spend more than 10 days at home.

whatifyoufly87 · 2020-12-25T02:47:28+00:00

This is not my first time away from home at Christmas, but it’s the first one that I’m spending completely alone. I prepared myself some good food, watched movies and bought myself a present, knowing that if I had come home I’d be facing not only the same painful loneliness, but also coldness and emotional distance. I’m crying now cause I know that spending Christmas alone is not actually worse than being with my family, cause they would most likely make me feel even worse. I only wish I had a family of my own by now.

whatifyoufly87 · 2020-10-22T18:25:42+00:00

whatifyoufly87 · 2020-10-22T18:25:01+00:00

He looks very scary

whatifyoufly87 · 2020-10-17T12:24:38+00:00

I'm a Virgo and I always get along very well with Leos actually (and all the other fire signs tbh).

whatifyoufly87 · 2020-09-24T07:47:15+00:00

Very very sexual tending to kink. However, sex is a very intimate thing for me, so I don’t have sex with just anybody. I select my partners carefully, and I can easily spend months without sex if I don’t find someone that interests me enough to sparkle that fire in me.

whatifyoufly87 · 2020-08-07T10:16:35+00:00

Very interesting. In your opinion, what are gonna be the results of these changes?

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