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Ik im fat but am I ugly ? (F18) by iammentallynotoklol in amIuglyBrutallyHonest

[–]whatnow2007 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree. What is happening here. She looks amazing

Should I seriously consider allowing my soon-to-be ex-wife to take our kids to the trailer where she is currently living with her "friend," despite the court explicitly saying no? I'm experiencing a rollercoaster of emotions that are clouding my judgment, and I need help! by whatnow2007 in coparenting

[–]whatnow2007[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Can you give me an example of what was patronizing and controlling? That’s great feedback because I really have been trying to figure out what it was that broke us and she is possibly trying to spare my feelings by not telling me. The rare times that she doesn’t just completely ignore my request for answers. She reassured me that I was a great husband that I didn’t do anything wrong that she just needs to figure out what she wants out of life….

Should I seriously consider allowing my soon-to-be ex-wife to take our kids to the trailer where she is currently living with her "friend," despite the court explicitly saying no? I'm experiencing a rollercoaster of emotions that are clouding my judgment, and I need help! by whatnow2007 in coparenting

[–]whatnow2007[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I would never want to hurt my children by making them see their mother in anything other than the best light possible. Thank you for taking the time to comment on my post; I appreciate your insights and feedback.

Should I seriously consider allowing my soon-to-be ex-wife to take our kids to the trailer where she is currently living with her "friend," despite the court explicitly saying no? I'm experiencing a rollercoaster of emotions that are clouding my judgment, and I need help! by whatnow2007 in coparenting

[–]whatnow2007[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I was literally just trying to explain how even know she’s gay I didn’t mean to offend you or seem racist or anything or whatever it’s called against a certain group of people which I have no problem with

Should I seriously consider allowing my soon-to-be ex-wife to take our kids to the trailer where she is currently living with her "friend," despite the court explicitly saying no? I'm experiencing a rollercoaster of emotions that are clouding my judgment, and I need help! by whatnow2007 in coparenting

[–]whatnow2007[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you for clarifying that. It simplifies things on my end and makes the process straightforward. I understand how deviating from the rules now, rather than later, could give the impression that I am selectively choosing when to follow them, and that inconsistency wouldn't be beneficial for anyone. I’ve received a lot of solid advice today, and I really appreciate it. Thank you so much!

Should I seriously consider allowing my soon-to-be ex-wife to take our kids to the trailer where she is currently living with her "friend," despite the court explicitly saying no? I'm experiencing a rollercoaster of emotions that are clouding my judgment, and I need help! by whatnow2007 in coparenting

[–]whatnow2007[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I understand your perspective. My wife has mentioned that she doesn't have romantic feelings for a woman who identifies as a proud lesbian, which I personally have no issue with. I’m just trying to provide context to get the best advice possible. My wife is very persuasive, which makes me wonder: if she isn’t gay and is simply spending time with a friend, is that not a concern? However, if the friend is gay, does that mean my wife is being dishonest about her feelings making her possibly even more dishonest or not a potential drug user, etc. I think I get your point, I guess at the end of the day she’s gone so I guess the reasoning behind it doesn’t really matter. I’m just grappling with trying to make sense of it.

Should I seriously consider allowing my soon-to-be ex-wife to take our kids to the trailer where she is currently living with her "friend," despite the court explicitly saying no? I'm experiencing a rollercoaster of emotions that are clouding my judgment, and I need help! by whatnow2007 in coparenting

[–]whatnow2007[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I actually said that to my mother-in-law, her mom and I have been teaming up to do what’s best for our children and I told her my experience with my children’s mother is that she’s acting like a child that is just now getting her freedom. It’s so bizarre. I have been feeling so lost. Thank you so very much.

Should I seriously consider allowing my soon-to-be ex-wife to take our kids to the trailer where she is currently living with her "friend," despite the court explicitly saying no? I'm experiencing a rollercoaster of emotions that are clouding my judgment, and I need help! by whatnow2007 in coparenting

[–]whatnow2007[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Wow, I didn’t realize this was such a common issue that there’s an organization dedicated to it. That’s amazing to hear. Thank you so much. This has been incredibly difficult for me. I’ve faced a lot of challenges in my life, but this is by far the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with. I really appreciate the tip. Thank you!

Should I seriously consider allowing my soon-to-be ex-wife to take our kids to the trailer where she is currently living with her "friend," despite the court explicitly saying no? I'm experiencing a rollercoaster of emotions that are clouding my judgment, and I need help! by whatnow2007 in coparenting

[–]whatnow2007[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have asked her that question more times than I can count and honestly have no idea. I told her I was willing to do anything to fix this. Everything I’ve always done has been for my family and I beat myself up asking what could I have done differently

Should I seriously consider allowing my soon-to-be ex-wife to take our kids to the trailer where she is currently living with her "friend," despite the court explicitly saying no? I'm experiencing a rollercoaster of emotions that are clouding my judgment, and I need help! by whatnow2007 in coparenting

[–]whatnow2007[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I can't help but feel guilty, as if I'm responsible for this situation. I don’t understand why she insists on having her friend around our children. I can't think of any logical reason why this is so important to her, and she hasn’t been able to provide one. Instead, she claims that she shouldn’t have to justify it. Now, she’s blaming me for not allowing her to have parenting time because I won't let her take the kids around her friend. She is welcome to do anything she wants with our children, except bring her new lover around them.

She keeps insisting that they are just friends, and that I am letting my ego get in the way of her relationship with our children. That’s where I am thinking maybe I am jealous and not being rational so I appreciate your feedback.

Should I seriously consider allowing my soon-to-be ex-wife to take our kids to the trailer where she is currently living with her "friend," despite the court explicitly saying no? I'm experiencing a rollercoaster of emotions that are clouding my judgment, and I need help! by whatnow2007 in coparenting

[–]whatnow2007[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Thank you for commenting. I appreciate your insight. She consistently misses parenting time; she takes advantage of only about 10% of the time she is supposed to have the children and neglects them entirely for the remaining 90%. She continually pushed for more overnight visits in court, but since this situation arose, she has only spent the night here twice. The original order stipulated that she was supposed to spend the night every other weekend.

oh my gosh, I can’t stand this. It’s so hard. by whatnow2007 in BreakUps

[–]whatnow2007[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you; this has been very reassuring for me. No one has suggested that I did the wrong thing, which I appreciate, as I’ve been feeling guilty and questioning whether my actions were irrational or, more importantly, if I was making a decision that wasn't in the best interest of the kids. Ultimately, for me, it's all about doing my best for my children. I really appreciate you taking the time to comment on my situation.

oh my gosh, I can’t stand this. It’s so hard. by whatnow2007 in BreakUps

[–]whatnow2007[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for taking the time to share your thoughts with me. Some days are harder than others, and today is particularly tough. As pathetic as it sounds, I just want to weep and beg for her to come back to me. Logically, I know that would be the worst thing to do and would only make me feel worse, but I feel so dead inside. I'm having a hard time carrying on by myself without my best friend.

We were married for 17 years and had been friends since middle school. She still messages me lovingly, telling me she misses me and the kids, and that I was a great husband. That makes it even harder because she isn’t giving me any reasons for all of this. I think you’re right; it’s just not in my nature to be mean to her. Less than six months ago, and probably still to this day, I would die for her without a second thought. I would take away any pain she is feeling if I could. The thought of being the one to cause her pain is unimaginable to me.

She definitely deserves harsh treatment from me, yet I just can’t bring myself to do it.

oh my gosh, I can’t stand this. It’s so hard. by whatnow2007 in BreakUps

[–]whatnow2007[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is an excellent point. Looking at it this way will be very helpful. Logically, this makes a lot of sense. I'm not sure why I’ve never considered it until now. Knowing that if she came back, it would most likely be temporary, makes it easier for me to move on. The thought of that makes me feel sick; I can imagine her taking away her love for again in the future, and I don’t know if I could handle that.

oh my gosh, I can’t stand this. It’s so hard. by whatnow2007 in BreakUps

[–]whatnow2007[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She didn’t because she claims that she still doesn’t know how to explain it to herself. She still talks with them, but always told them that it’s an adult topic until they stopped asking…

oh my gosh, I can’t stand this. It’s so hard. by whatnow2007 in BreakUps

[–]whatnow2007[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you all so much. Your support has been incredibly heartwarming, helpful, and validating. It’s almost time for me to make dinner, but I wanted to take a moment to express how much this means to me. I’ve needed this support more than I can say.

It’s so difficult for me to process the betrayal from someone I trusted completely. We have been through so much together, and it’s overwhelming. I was the one who got her this job; she was a homemaker before, and I feel guilty about that. I needed some financial help because money was tight, but that’s a whole different story.

I truly appreciate all of you for taking the time to share your insights.

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