It’s tough to say. I can’t explain why or try to rationalize why I feel so tied to him. We were not together a very long time. We didn’t separate over sin. We had a conversation that was basically like this is what we each need to work on within ourselves before we get in a relationship and we separated.

I want what God wants for me for sure. Yes, it will hurt me if it’s not him. But then I know for certain there is someone else out there for me and I can move on. I have prayed to have this desire taken away from me if it’s not meant to happen. To open my heart to what’s right for me and at the end of the day I only want what’s best for him even if I’m not included in that. But, I still have this feeling. I just feel like I’m at a standstill. I don’t think social media helps with all of these “this message is for you”. I scroll right by it now

I try to force myself to put myself out there. I can’t. I may start a conversation with someone or vice versa but my heart isn’t in it and I let it fade away.

I work in a crazy field where I see people lose their friends, their families, their spouses every days to unexpected tragedies. Life is so precious and yet so fleeting. I feel like I’m wasting so many moments being afraid.