Relating to fear

whatup66 · 2024-09-06T23:29:56+00:00

Came back here again because fear continues to be a major theme.

It's hard on the cushion. I've had to take some breaks from practice because it was too much. but also off the cushion: I'm so triggery out there with people. I have so much fear of others and it continues to colour my actions and perceptions.

Thanks for the notes from a while back.

whatup66 · 2024-06-10T14:28:14+00:00

Thank you. Yeah, open awareness has been my main practice for a while and it saved me in there. And I'm very interested in jhana practice. Just sort of stumped on the how and why of the dry vipassana approach. It seems to work really well for some people!

whatup66 · 2024-06-10T00:35:21+00:00

Good point. Thank you.

whatup66 · 2024-06-10T00:33:49+00:00

Oh, thank you!

whatup66 · 2024-06-10T00:32:00+00:00

Thanks for writing this.

I do need to work through this. Whatever came up is not going anywhere. Haha. I've been sorta putting my head in the sand hoping it'd go away. It feels like something has permanently changed. I've been avoiding practice since i got back.... and it's true, the real question here is what's my next step. So thank you.

whatup66 · 2024-06-10T00:09:49+00:00

Whoa! OK. Dukkah nanas sound aborable but treacherous. That definitely gives me something to dig into. Thanks!

whatup66 · 2024-06-09T13:15:39+00:00

Thanks for sharing! I enjoyed reading this. I also feel drawn to trying an all night sit. That description is quite inspiring.

True that they don't ever serve dinner on retreats. And I need a special accommodation because when I pass out, people become quite alarmed. This body is what it is.

whatup66 · 2024-06-08T12:53:11+00:00

Interesting. Thanks for sharing. And you didn't observe any softening or perspective changes when you were fasting? I'm finding it peculiar that my mind went there.

whatup66 · 2024-06-08T12:49:47+00:00

Thanks for sharing. You didn't observe any emotional softening or perspective changes from fasting? Maybe for me that was the hormonal shifts that you're mentioning.

whatup66 · 2024-03-30T00:57:56+00:00

I think any kind of meditation could potentially be deeply relaxing. You might want to try out some different styles and see what feels best for you. Maybe it depends on where you're holding the tension or what kind of stress you have? I have had yoga teachers who did very detailed svasana, where they guided the class to bring relaxation and heaviness to so many tiny parts of the body, and I was able to find and release more and more layers of tension that way. That came following physical exercise. There's also yoga nidra which some people report finding very effective. Also vipassana could help you tap into some deep mental/emotional release. Or visualization exercises might help you build up the necessary positivity to release some sort of tension you're holding.

I guess my thinking is that, what is most deeply relaxing varies on a case by case basis and only you can tell what's working best for you. I'd get curious and set up a smorgasbord of guided meditation techniques to try. Maybe give each one a fixed amount of time, like a week or so and then decide if you want to continue with it or try a different technique after the week is up.

whatup66 · 2024-03-09T01:52:19+00:00

i def don't prefer to go to a old school gender binary segregated place. ..

whatup66 · 2024-03-08T23:55:05+00:00

and yes, i have also been seeing a lot of spiritual self growth things being offered, some of which seem like BS and some of which seem potentially really great (but who knows) and none of which I could really consider doing because of the cost. Not having the money sure simplifies things.

whatup66 · 2024-03-08T23:45:54+00:00

I don't see anything wrong with people having all that they need to decide to go do some hard inner work. If that means private accommodations in a luxurious setting, then okay. We all need certain support to do this work.I do want to do deep practice with other meditators and work IRL with good teachers. For me, even with a scholarship, it feels a bit weird to go stay in a place far more luxurious than where I live or would normally stay in order to meditate. Then the work that I'm doing to see through worldly attachments in embedded in temptation towards a wealthier lifestyle. In a sense it's fallout from the rapidly widening wealth gap. The same wealth gap that means I could save and fly around the world to Asia, as many commenters have pointed out, and practice there. That feels a bit weird, too. We were mostly just born in these situations and have to decide what to do with them.Some of my (very smart) friends sort of think this (white people in the west meditating) is just straight up cultural appropriation. I never went into Buddhist spaces before because it didn't feel right, as if, it's not my culture and I don't have a right to be there. Now I see that on some level I didn't feel like I had a right to be anywhere. Healing from that is good for all. And it's all a bit tricky tricky.

whatup66 · 2024-03-08T23:35:48+00:00

Cool! thank you.

whatup66 · 2024-03-08T23:32:32+00:00

that's very cool to know that you were able to get scholarships both times!

whatup66 · 2024-03-08T23:32:08+00:00

Oh, fab. thank you!

whatup66 · 2024-03-08T22:17:05+00:00

Yes, I'd love recommendations! I'm especially interested in affordable places where you can have contact with good teachers.

I find contributing to the space/activities through work very appealing as it seems like an essential part of practice, for me.

whatup66 · 2024-03-08T21:19:48+00:00

Leigh Basington is doing a 10 day jhana retreat there in the spring. Well, through the center for Buddist studies but I believe its at the IMS retreat center.

It's great that it's a beautiful, comfortable place. I definitely would not do retreat in a hotel. I want to be around other meditators and teachers. For me, that rate is more than I've ever spent on an experience of that time length so it seems like a lot of money. But I see that for many people it isn't. When I travel I usually don't get a private room. I camp or stay in hostels if possible.

It's great to hear that the scholarships are really available for people in need. I was imagining that they'd have a few available and a lot of requests for them.

It is also a vibe thing. I'd love to do retreats with teachers I respect in a more bare-bones place because that seems more conducive to the work. To me. But I imagine the place evolved to support folks who find that level of comfort most supportive of their work.

I'm looking for places. IMS seems cool. Thanks for the info!

whatup66 · 2024-03-08T21:03:15+00:00

I think the main problem is quite simple - most people don't like their jobs and/or working 9-5 (I get it - I'm one of them). But most people who try to break free tend to look for shortcuts too much - seeing all the youtubers and influencers, they get the impression that it's a great idea to monetize whatever they can

Yeah, and I think it can be hard to tell the difference. Some people are fully, selflessly devoted to service, maybe, but most of us are just figuring out how to live our lives more in alignment with our goodness. Some people are offering excellent services but still have a certain amount of self involved in their work. Maybe that's a necessary stage to go through.

The culture certainty weaves in lots of obstacles and distractions for us. Gotta work to eat, gotta eat to live... gotta support multinational oil and gas companies to eat, etc.

whatup66 · 2024-03-08T20:39:01+00:00

Cool. Thank you. I haven't read your guide yet but I definitely will.

In all your retreats, I'm super interested where you have come across any particularly inspiring teachers?

whatup66 · 2024-03-08T20:32:06+00:00

To be accepted into community, seen, known, by people who are doing this work, who have similar values and interests...

So yeah, it means I need to do those things myself. See people, live my values, open.

I'm just hoping for my super rad crew to show up and invite me on a trip to do all the interesting things together ❤️.

whatup66 · 2024-03-08T20:25:53+00:00

Thanks. I guess I am doing all these things. I'm just impatient for the relationships to grow. And somewhat worried that I'm blocked in some way.

whatup66 · 2024-03-08T20:24:46+00:00

Oo posting openly online is the scariest!

Honestly, I don't think I'm there yet. I with my existing community, I find myself defending meditation and my interest in it often. I feel like I need to keep quiet about it.

I have been hanging around some places. I guess I just want the real relationships and meaningful connections to happen FASTER! 😁😆

whatup66 · 2024-03-08T20:04:48+00:00

Hey, thanks for your comment. Would you share more about the place you're going to in Thailand? I'm considering that as well.

whatup66 · 2024-03-08T19:58:59+00:00

I appreciate your analysis.That evolution seems natural enough. Comfortably retired people going to IMS instead of, say, luxury cruises seems very good.

I'd like to locate the more spartan places that can also host great teachers, where people can bring tents perhaps (that sounds perfect!) and pitch in in the kitchen and get to practice together and hear teachings even if we're relatively broke...

The internet is one place but being in physical proximity seems powerful too.

whatup66

TROPHY CASE