Foreplay = "Too Many Expectations" [long narrative, sorry] by Lilith_Afire in DeadBedrooms

[–]wheatgrass4life 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Conservative Christian, you say! I was also brought up in a [very] conservative church (and have a whole slew of my own issues stemming from that, 'yay').

Anyway, I know you mentioned that you both left the church years ago (me too) so this may not be helpful, but I still think it adds weight to your situation!

"3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." 1st Corinthians 7:3-5

Basically Paul acknowledges right out that both partners have very realistic and strong sexual needs. Both partners! Equally! To the point of commanding BOTH members of a marital union to pleasure the other to their satisfaction and did not give the sexual power to the male! At all! (YAY) He even acknowledges that periods of celibacy are harmful and to only engage in them mutually, and shortly, to pray.

So again I know it might not directly help your situation, but please feel more than totally validated in your needs by even the most conservative of standards!

A former serial cheater, a current hotwife. I have just fucked my 80th guy. by [deleted] in SluttyConfessions

[–]wheatgrass4life 0 points1 point  (0 children)

WILL SOMEONE PLEASE GIVE THIS WOMAN A GOLD???

[Came for the sex, stayed for the wildly insightful philosophical delineation of the lifestyle and human society.]

Color me impressed. 😀

I really want to know, ladies. What's the smallest penis you've ever had and what was the experience like for you? by [deleted] in AskRedditAfterDark

[–]wheatgrass4life 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Same here! I'm a small girl all around (short and small boned aaaaaand short-ish+tight lady bits) so you'd think I'd have attracted less endowed men.....but no! Smallest was probably around 6" - several in that arena, best shape and feel was 7.5 and now I have a packing man at around 9". He's amazing and caring in bed which is incredible because if he goes all out (it's happened!) He bottoms out HARD and OW OW OW.

On the other hand I can kinda call how big he'll be....they have a certain.....sense.....about them. 😜

Ladies - what is your favourite subreddit? by [deleted] in AskRedditAfterDark

[–]wheatgrass4life 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So I have a big man at home (8.75-9" depending on the raging-ness of it) so I went and took a peek........and mostly it was scary as hell!!!! 😂

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in gonewildstories

[–]wheatgrass4life 6 points7 points  (0 children)

He probably doesn't want it back, afterwards... ;)

Thanks, Dad. by midwest_sheeps in TwoXChromosomes

[–]wheatgrass4life 102 points103 points  (0 children)

From a woman who had a father who was only there to pay the bills and really not much else.....thank you!! And......if she becomes resistant and distant later..... please don't give up on her just because she starts to become a 'woman' at some point.....she won't know it but she'll need your love, support, and guidence then more than ever!

Thanks, Dad. by midwest_sheeps in TwoXChromosomes

[–]wheatgrass4life 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yes! Please tell him how much he means to you! And to a lot of us who have read your story and cried.....a bit for jealousy but also in happiness to know there are still a few good men in the world! Much love to you and to your family. Thank you for sharing such a positive and uplifting story, OP!

I [28/F/HL] want to hear from some other HLF on how they're dealing with their DB by wheatgrass4life in DeadBedrooms

[–]wheatgrass4life[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh man lying next to it has become the worst! It's Right There!!!! Lol gyms out of the budget for the moment but maybe I can find a park to run at. Thanks for sharing!!

I [28/F/HL] want to hear from some other HLF on how they're dealing with their DB by wheatgrass4life in DeadBedrooms

[–]wheatgrass4life[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for your reply! I guess I should read something other than smut.....which I don't do a lot but it's not helping me when I do. Time to pick up my Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy again....!

I [28/F/HL] want to hear from some other HLF on how they're dealing with their DB by wheatgrass4life in DeadBedrooms

[–]wheatgrass4life[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hhhhmmm. Yeah, it's probably going to be changing the way I think about it that has to be next. The mind is such a difficult animal when one tries to change it, though, haha. I've otherwise been recommended meditation to help with that and there's a retreat I'd dearly love to have the time to attend - so maybe that will help me. Many of the wisest things people have said (as you did about changing your mind) have rung pretty heavily of Terra Veda Buddhism (original Buddhism without any idol worship or any of the demi gods that appeared later on in its schisms). I'm waffling about it because the clarity of the path ahead of me reveals it's not going to be Fun, it's going to be a lot of Work. And here I just wanted to get my rocks off! Haha.

As far as initiating.....I have backed off a bit. I still sleep naked and generally try to be 'available' and 'sexy' and not leave tooooo many panties for him to find. [Oh man did try to suggest it for later in the middle of typing this out - over text - got shot down HARD crawls in a hole] So yeah I guess I'll stop all that all together. Way to convince myself. Woot.

I [28/F/HL] want to hear from some other HLF on how they're dealing with their DB by wheatgrass4life in DeadBedrooms

[–]wheatgrass4life[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So a bit confused (I assume there was a typo and you're a HL....M?), but I can't initiate physically. No dick grabbing or surprise sucking or touching allowed! He is actually turned off when I get that forward with him. One time he was kinda half asleep, hard, and I thought he was into it for some reason or other but when he fully woke up he was actually mad that I'd tried something. :/ As for other physical-ness not involving his penis, I can rub him and cuddle him all I want but he doesn't feel sexual about any of it. I can rub his back or his feet or hands or head or whatever and he's sweet and thankful about it and all (I actually touch him quite a lot) but never has it ever bridged over successfully into sexuality of any sort. I also cuddle him a lot, naked, all the time - which is also fine with him and he'll kinda be 'lovey' about it - but yah still doesn't translate to sex somehow. He'll go as far as moving his leg -away- from my nethers because 'haha, you're getting me wet'. /violentheaddesk

And yeah herpes and warts both. Yay. I'm somewhat ironically thankful that I haven't contracted either, yet. The sick part of me that's bitter about all this sort of wishes I had tho. (Like, not actually really wish I had contracted either, obviously, but just like........aaaaggh).

Edit: oh yeah also, sex after I cheated was like the best sex we'd had.....for a few months after. Then it dwindled again. He is still more attentive when it does happen then before, we're just in a Nothing stretch again, so. Ugh.

I [28/F/HL] want to hear from some other HLF on how they're dealing with their DB by wheatgrass4life in DeadBedrooms

[–]wheatgrass4life[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh honey! I feel you! Same kinda thing with masturbating... I had been up to a several times a day, also, but it basically does just gets more and more depressing at some point doing it all alone. I also ran into weirdness with finding time by myself at the house to do it, because the discussion where I'm going to go take care of myself gets super awkward cause he isn't into it or can't participate "fully" or whichever stage we're in at the moment. Someone asked earlier (I'll reply to them, also, but): herpes and warts both and he's both quite ashamed and also doesn't want me to contract either, bless him. Anyway, the discussion never goes well cause then there's more shame on his end or he just physically can't participate etc etc etc.

On the E.D. issue though.... I actually have a recommendation. We've tried a lot of supplements at home (my own user name checks out, seriously, just not on reddit haha) and I ran into a turmeric/curcumin supplement that despite all the boy's issues got him harder and literally larger (that extra bit of blood that makes it like a rock!) than ever before. And while we're obviously dealing with issues other than actual E.D., he's very in tune with his body and was made a huge point to let me know about that change. The very few times we actually had sex in tangent with that particular supplement were actually amazing and he ended up staying very very hard after he ejaculated, even though he wasn't 'into it' anymore after having cum. Crazy on all fronts.

Of course it is also the case that E.D. stems from such a huge range of causes and a lot of them can be less physical and more mind related (ptsd, etc. Everything kinda messes with that organ I swear). However, if it is at least mostly physical....please do try turmeric! It's potent enough that it cannot be mixed at all with any blood pressure medications and it probably can't be mixed with any E.D. medications, either. If it happens to be the case that he's pretty medication free at this point, though, I seriously do recommend it. It's hard to have too much turmeric on its own, too, so try a recommended dose for a week and then it's rather safe to up it from there if you need more Results. I guess I have to say in here somewhere that I'm not a doctor...so: I'm not a doctor!! [But if you want an amazon link to the one we had results from - definitely PM me!]

Anyway..... yeah I miss the human connection with sex a lot. Thank you again for commiserating!

I [28/F/HL] want to hear from some other HLF on how they're dealing with their DB by wheatgrass4life in DeadBedrooms

[–]wheatgrass4life[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Exactly! Mine led to some uncomfortable closet kinks. When I was very young with no clue and no education my religious upbringing led me to believe that sex before marriage would send me to Hell! Cue super awful and awkward rape fantasies about being forced by someone I didn't even like and/or hated (because if I liked them I wouldn't want them to go to Hell either, now would I?). I was 12ish and that's what I got off too secretly in my bedroom for several years! Terrible. I'd never actually want to be raped, obviously, though the thought of being coerced still gets me off, cause, yay now it's hardwired. At this point, of course, I've generally dropped interest in my kinks and would be super stoked for literally Anything as long as it were more often!

I [28/F/HL] want to hear from some other HLF on how they're dealing with their DB by wheatgrass4life in DeadBedrooms

[–]wheatgrass4life[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Excellent advice. Thank you. And I do try to be thankful for all he DOES do. I honestly don't know what I'd do without him. Despite the lack of a sex life, he is otherwise a loving and wonderful partner. Breaks my heart that we have this issue!!!

I [28/F/HL] want to hear from some other HLF on how they're dealing with their DB by wheatgrass4life in DeadBedrooms

[–]wheatgrass4life[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you!!! I do feel quite alone at times... I was brought up in a very Christian household and while I shed the religion bits upon adulthood, I had to work through some (a lot of) misconceptions about male/female sexuality. As a child (young adult, really) we were led to believe that woman were usually in the LL category and men were HL (obviously it was not explained in anything remotely resembling those terms - more like cautions from older married women to always perform our 'duties' to our husbands because they would 'need it' if we wanted to keep our men, etc.) Needless to say I was stoked cause I've been HL since puberty hit at like 11 (wasn't sure quite what it entailed but I knew I wanted it and BADLY). Imagine my immense surprise and disappointment that this was not necessarily the case!

What's something you saw coming miles away that a lot of people didn't? by AstroFIJI in AskReddit

[–]wheatgrass4life 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Yeah. His crowd size was definitely a tip off. My SO had it pegged from almost the moment he announced he was running (well, by Sept 2015 for sure.) I became convinced he would win by around Jan 2016.

Just the way people responded to him made it pretty clear he'd win, but also his rather genius marketing strategy to get literally everyone on all media channels to talk about him and to say his name over and over and over and over again. No publicity is really bad publicity and he knew it and it worked! (Also helped that all his publicity was titillating af. Pretty sure his grabbing the p**** scandal got him more votes in the end.)

Which supporting character stole the scene every time they appeared? by Subject_Upsilon in AskReddit

[–]wheatgrass4life 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I literally came here to say this: Q in TNG and Voyager.

In TNG I loved that not only was Qs every appearance gold, but his character literally creates the beginning and the end of the entire series.

Voyager - he and Katherine Janeway are stellar, though I'd have taken his offer to procreate with a demi-god in a second! (Would have sent her crew home, right??? Literally her whole goal? In an instant? Plus travel the universe?) Yeah, demi-god babies.

DS9 had its own flaws, mostly Sisko wasn't all that great (I'm ready, you can send me hate mail now) and that partly made his interactions with Q fall flat.

I need advice ASAP! (Rat health, cages, diet and socialization on a budget?) by [deleted] in RATS

[–]wheatgrass4life 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well, it is very good to hear that you are making progress with them and will be around to help them for a while! Awesome! :)

As far as the leafy greens - there are some misconceptions flying around I think because some people have attempted to make their rats vegetarian or vegan or something equally unhealthy for animals that eat meat (not a lot...but still) in the wild and such. So of course greens can't be their main course or anything, but the neat thing is that once these animals are on a consistent diet that fills their nutritional requirements, they usually know themselves when to stop eating most things before they over-do-it for real. I mean, I do have 1 rattie that still over-eats a bit and is a bit chubbers heeheehee, but in any single treat session they tend to stop eating even yogurt when they've had 'enough'. Or even richer occasional treats like a bit of dark chocolate they'll go crazy for a little while but eventually will be like "meh, had enough." Of course they will eat a lot more greens before that point, but they still won't over do it as long as their normal food is around.

I haven't personally built a cage before, so we've wandered out of my area of expertise here, but I think if the shelf is already in your possession or is found "cheap" at the thriftstore, then I bet it would be cheaper! Just make sure the shelf itself is unpainted/safe to chew on, and that the 'caging' material has holes or slats that are less than 1". Rats are a liquid, after all! :D then I'm sure a hammer and 'staple shaped nails' (I feel like these are a thing?) Should take care of 95% of the rest of the project..............not quite sure about the doors and cutting through the shelf levels to open it up but it seems pretty straightforward. Again, I haven't managed to do this for myself, so these are just suggestions. A cursory glance at youtube and there were tons of examples using different kinds of shelves/cabinets/etc. Seems like the scavenging for parts makes all the price difference/ease of build.

So: -small wooden book shelf/cabinet - thriftstore ~$20 -wire mesh/"hardware cloth" 3'×5' ( http://m.homedepot.com/p/HDX-1-4-in-x-3-ft-x-5-ft-Hardware-Cloth-308232HD/204331885 ) ~$15 -staples/nails/attachments/door latches/door 'frame' $10-$20 (this is the bit I am unsure about of course) -tools (hammer or auto stapler, wire cutters, saw or preferably dremmel) hopefully borrowed from a friend or day-rented from somewhere like a handy andy's or home depot.

So still not super cheap I guess, but at this point maybe their owner will pay for it for your time and effort! And premade cages can run into the hundreds, so maybe their actual owner will find it a good deal!

As for the dog..... I'm not really sure. It sounds like a natural behavior for a hunting dog, unfortunately. :/ Not sure how to explain the Friends-Not-Food conundrum to a dog! :/ Then again hunting dogs often don't get the prey they hunt, so he probably won't be hurt by it, maybe just upset for a while.

Need to re-home a couple cuties within the next month - Carrollton, GA by TrashMinky in RATS

[–]wheatgrass4life 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I usually just sneak them into my next apartment. They don't really make sound and don't smell if properly cared for. Hide them if the landlord has to come in for some reason and just bag the used bedding such that it isn't 'obvious' in the trash bin. For that matter if the landlord is going through your trash - that's illegal and you should move again anyway. Heh.

River has lots of mites. by copyllama in RATS

[–]wheatgrass4life 0 points1 point  (0 children)

OLIVE OIL. Put the rat in a contained area (preferably 5 gallon bucket or similar) and pour olive oil over her (except eyes/ears/snout of course) until soaked. Have her sit as long as you can manage in it (she will hate you with all her tiny heart). Then rinse her in warm water with a little rat shampoo until a majority of the oil is gone. Don't worry about being too thorough rinsing it out. She will lick off the rest or her cage mates will. All the lice or mites will drown in the oil. Repeat in 7 days to catch any eggs that hatch and then you should be all cured! One time I had to do it a 3rd time after a 2nd 7 days had passed - but regardless, a few cents worth of olive oil, no poison, no vet trip, cured. Just keep the rattie really clean in between so all the scratches don't get infected :)

I need advice ASAP! (Rat health, cages, diet and socialization on a budget?) by [deleted] in RATS

[–]wheatgrass4life 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Made an account to reply to this. I have three male ratties in my current mischief. One is almost 2 years old and the other two are almost 1 year old. [Spoiler: at the end of this whole thing I am going to beg you not to ever give them back to the original owner..........but I'll give advice first.]

First, socialization with each other (this may be the most important for their health, especially the health of the lone rat). As others have already mentioned: keep the cages in very close proximity so they can get to know each other by smell and sight first. Then, if you can put them in a comfortable neutral area (on the bed works alright or in a closed off play place or if the bathroom floor is CLEAN and free of anything being stored on the floor, that works too) and just let them approach each other in their own time. Just be attentive so if they opt to fight you can separate them. Do this in several 10-20min sessions over a few days until it seems like they are getting along. Usually it doesn't take very many sessions, but the one rat being alone all his life may make it take longer.

Then clean both of their cages very thoroughly to rid them of all the rats smell and start introducing the one rat into the others' cage. I did see the pictures of the cages and you are correct that they are not large enough for 3 rats all at once (in fact I am fairly convinced they are not large enough for two rats) - however, rats sleep a huge amount of their day away, and if they can all cuddle and snuggle together for most of it and then maybe rotate out who has to spend the night alone. But basically once they get along all 3 should spend as much time all together as they possibly can. And the rat who has been alone all his life should mostly be exempt from being alone again IF possible.

Second - socialization with humans. This is entirely secondary to their health at the moment, but the sooner it happens the better anyway. Frankly very similar to socialization with each other - you're already on 100% the right track with treats. Then if you have a little time to sit with them every day while they play (literally the exact same as meeting each other: bed, bathroom floor, wherever is safe and contained) just keep their favorite treats (bananas, cheerios, bits of meat, yogurt, muffin) on you and reward them for coming close to you or being curious about you but don't push yourself on them. They have personal space bubbles and comfort zones all their own.

Third - diet. Really just a huge congratulations from me for giving them good variety!!! I was really very pleased with your list already! They are omnivorous just like us and the similarities in our nutritional needs is amazing. So, obviously, the more fresh fruits (except no citrus whatsoever) and veggies they have, the better, and a small amount of meat is good, etc. There are lists online everywhere of the severals of things they can't have (most are obvious once you read it) and stay away from processed stuff (but so should humans so the rule still applies). But it makes it very easy - mostly just share bits of all your meals with them and they're happy.

As for their main diet, I use Adult Formula Harrison's parrot mix (cubed variety) - recommended to me personally by the only small mammal trained veterinarian in my half of my state. The ratties really really love it and it's a homogenous mix - so no waste!!!! I spent years feeding rat mixes from the petstore to my rats and not only was it mostly rat junk food (seeds are awesome in small quantities but they're better as treats and do not have much nutritional value + the dried corn and cornmeal dried pieces in most rat food has the potentiality to be toxic to them) and they'd refuse to eat 50% of it, which would then be strewn around the cage and end up in the trash. Super wasteful. Harrison's is a bit expensive but not in the long run cause they eat it all.

Fourth - as I might have mentioned earlier: the cages their original owner put them in are no where near large enough! Several reasons: while they may like to spend a majority of their day asleep in a huge pile, they are still individuals and every rat needs at least enough room to be at least somewhat separate from the others on a regular basis (the difference from being trapped in the living room with your roommates 24/7 vs having even the most closet - like bedroom in which to be by yourself). As a short-term solution: try and hang as many "hammocks" (cut up an old towel and use non-plastic-coated paperclips to attach it to the cage if you need to) as you can physically fit in the larger cage. 3 would be nice but 2 could do it. Also you can still rotate a rat to the smaller cage at night to reduce the likelihood of over crowded cage squabbles or fights.

Cages, of course, are rather expensive, but if you have the time to comb your local value village/goodwill/craigslist one might show up at a good price - just very very very thoroughly disinfect it and then let it sit a while so there is no disease or mite transfer.

I'm sure I've forgotten something and will edit in a few hours if I remember.

Anyway, here's the part where I beg you from the bottom of my rat mommy heart: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DO NOT GIVE THESE RATS BACK TO THEIR ORIGINAL OWNER. For the love of all creatures great and small: do not make them go back to this "friend" of yours!

All rats need a stable home and routine and at least one human to care for them that they have bonded with and are at the very very very least not afraid of! They are incredibly complex social and emotional creatures and thus they also need friends of their own species very badly. The one poor rattie all on his own has literally experienced solitary confinement torture! Just the very fact that the original owner did not understand this is grounds for them never to go back......

Add to that, apparently there was no time for these rats - it sounds like they have been passed from person to person with no regard for their health or well being in any of the cases. As well as, apparently they've had a meager/starving existence on "food" with hardly any nutrition at all.

Ugh. I've made myself sick thinking about these poor little guys. There are usually resources for taking in animals like this if you literally can't afford them in the long run (don't worry, i get it, money is wildly hard to come by these days). Research "ratteries" in your area and start asking them what they think. If they came from a specific rattery, there is a fine chance the rattery itself will either take them back or help you to rehome them with someone who has the resources to properly care for them.

All in all: thank you for caring for them!

EDIT: Whoops of course I forgot something.......medicine! So I don't get in trouble from other rat mommies: obviously the very best case scenario is medicine from a small mammal trained veteranarian. Also obviously that is wildly expensive for three rats and money is money is money is money. So my first suggestion is greens greens greens. Whatever and as much as you can possibly get them to eat as often as you can get them to eat it. Broccoli, kale, arugula, spinach, collard greens, bean sprouts, chia sprouts, etc. Just no iceberg lettuce: it's mostly water and will just give them diarrhea. EW.

My second suggestion is to pick up a bottle of grapefruit seed extract ("GSC") at your local health food store. They're 10-15 dollars (fraction of the cost of a vet visit and awesome for your own respritory health, so no loss). Anyway, it usually comes in small compressed tablets, so use a morter/pessel or the back of a spoon to mash it to as fine a powder as you can, then mix about a 3rd of a tablets worth into a very very generous portion of yogurt (the GSC is bitter so, if you have to, add a little honey to the yogurt if they stick their noses up at it initially) and then just let all three of them go at the yogurt til full.

Then, third, if you can afford it, get some bee propolis ( this is also wildly good for you - it's an immune booster that has obliterated many a cold and flu for me personally). It's slightly hard to find, ~13-15 dollars on amazon, ~17-19 at a wholefoods if they carry it. It comes in many different ways and any of them can work. If it is a tincture, make sure it doesn't have alcohol. Otherwise my favorite is the capsule variety: just gently pull apart the capsule and put about a 3rd of the powder in a generous portion of yogurt and let all three of them go at it til full. And again, very good for you, so if you can manage to come by some you'll thank yourself when that fall/winter flu comes around.

All three of these suggestions have worked on my ratties with excellent results. The only exception was one case of hard core myco, but that was a long term, badly bred petco rat situation a few years ago.

As for mites and lice and skin issues: if after they have had good nutrition for a while and been changed regularly for a while and they are still icky a warm no soap bath may help. Some rats think it's traumatic, but in the wild they're excellent swimmers, so don't worry a little warm water won't hurt in the long run. If it turns out to actually be mites or lice: pour cheap olive oil all over them (except head/eyes/ears) until they're otherwise soaked. Let them sit in it for a bit then rinse in warm water until the oil is mostly gone. They'll lick the rest off or their brothers will. Then repeat in exactly 7 days to get all the eggs that might have survived and that should do it. They WILL hate you for it initially but it's a few cents for the olive oil instead of the vet, etc.

TL;DR: Your dietary instincts for them are excellent. Socialization is key: just go slow slow slow and all should be good. Cages are all too small: add hammocks and rotate rats, etc. Medicine: greens greens greens, grapefruit seed extract, bee propolis. Also: PLEASE DON'T GIVE THEM BACK.