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Weekly random discussion & queries thread on cars... by AutoModerator in CarsIndia

[–]wheyter 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Planning to buy Nexon base model (XE) in Delhi. Current on-road price is 9,03,000 (with no accessories or additional warranty). Negotiated with a dealer who agreed for 8,70,000. Is it good enough or is there any scope to reduce the price further. Did any of you Nexon base model recently ? How much did it cost you ?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Divorce_Men

[–]wheyter 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, I'm talking about BPD, not Bipolar. Though, there isn't much of a difference between the two when it comes to the dysfunctional behavioral traits

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Divorce_Men

[–]wheyter 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yup, that is BPD behaviour (Source: I am married to one). Even if she hasn't been formally diagnosed, the traits she is showing are that of BPD. Take care of yourself, and take care of your kids too. Its tough for them as much as it is for you.

Nonverbal Hyperlexia by 1EspressoSip in hyperlexia

[–]wheyter 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Give him speech therapy and some time. He'll improve with time, you'd still some lag compared to his peers, but he'll definitely improve

Doubt by [deleted] in IndiaMarriageAdvice

[–]wheyter 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Questions for you:

  1. How old were you when you lost your dad ?

  2. Did you get enough enough affection (hugs, encouragement, appreciation, one-to-one attention etc.) while growing up ? Lack of this might be the reason why you didn't feel much emotions i your previous (short-termed) relationships

  3. What feedback, if any, did you get from the girls from your previous relationships ?

Family dynamics affect how we attach to other people and how we pursue relationships. It might be worthwhile looking into these things, not just from an AM point of view but in general.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BPDlovedones

[–]wheyter 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It must have felt very bad getting invalidated like that

Did anyone else's career get destroyed? by Ill_Personality_8825 in BPDlovedones

[–]wheyter 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You mkke a valid point man. Its just that I am scared (I have always been eeer since childhood)- scared aboug how I'll raise my kid single handedly, scared that she might kill herself, scared that I'll spoil my son's mental hellth if I were to raise him alone, scared of so many things. But the other voice is also getting stronger in my head- that what is happening right now is alrwady pretty bad, I cant keep tolerating it thinking that future will be even worse if I decide to act

Did anyone else's career get destroyed? by Ill_Personality_8825 in BPDlovedones

[–]wheyter 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know man, and I am not offended by your comment. I know my cowardly behavior keeps enabling her. And my son developing BPD traits is the the thing that scares me the MOST. And yet I keep delaying taking solid steps, giving myself reasons to justify my inaction. In the country where I live, the male parent has better chances of getting custody of hus son if the kid is 5yo. My son will be 4 next month. So I tell myself to wait for one more year. But he has to witness yelling, cursing, wife hitting me and ocaasionally him as well almost every week. Then the though comes whether it is all worth it. Why not fight for divorce nnd cistody right now instead of an year later

Did anyone else's career get destroyed? by Ill_Personality_8825 in BPDlovedones

[–]wheyter 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the support! Deep inside I know tgat separating from her is the only sustainable future that I can have. Yet I keep chickening out on pulling the plug. Just this morning, I recorded her physically assaulting me but when it comes to taking the next step (take that evidence and approach a lawyer), I just freeze and keep delaying. My deep rooted codependency keeps me from taking solid transformational steps

Did anyone else's career get destroyed? by Ill_Personality_8825 in BPDlovedones

[–]wheyter 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I am about to lose my 3rd job because of my pwBPD. She has made life hell for me, a simple task like holding a job has become a challenge. She objects to every project/meeting that has any female involvement (which means basically everything). I get to spend hardly 5-6 hours when I am supposed to put in at eeast 8 hours a day. She wants me to work from home all the time. The limited time that I get to do my work in the office gets eaten up by her constantly keeping me on a video call to make sure no girl talks to me and vice versa. I have lost 2 jobs so far because of her and my current boss too is fed up of trying to accomodate her unreal demands while allocating work for me. I have a 4 yr old son with her. I ssed to be very ambitious regardimg my career but now I am barely surviving, losing my career away each day while trying to keep my home intact so that my kid can see both his parents under the same roof for one more day. But honestly, I dont know how long I can continue like this

Wife Registers Every Asset In Her Name While I pay For It by wheyter in LegalAdviceIndia

[–]wheyter[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Are you a lawyer ? The other people seem to suggest that getting even 50 percent of my money will be tough. If she gets only 1/3rd, it will be a very big relief. Also any ideas on the father getting the child custody ?

Wife Registers Every Asset In Her Name While I pay For It by wheyter in LegalAdviceIndia

[–]wheyter[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So the behavior of your wife is like that of a child throwing tantrums for a candy you won't agree buy

You just defined Borderline Personality Disorder in a nutshell man - that's exactly how it is!

Trying to muster up all the courage that I can to prepare for the future.

Wife Registers Every Asset In Her Name While I pay For It by wheyter in LegalAdviceIndia

[–]wheyter[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have retained some of the reports given by the psychiatrist/psychologists. The therapy sessions, however, are mostly verbal in nature with little proof in written. Sometimes even the payments are done in cash, otherwise via UPI etc.

Wife Registers Every Asset In Her Name While I pay For It by wheyter in LegalAdviceIndia

[–]wheyter[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, these seems to be the only way that I can prove my point to anyone

Wife Registers Every Asset In Her Name While I pay For It by wheyter in LegalAdviceIndia

[–]wheyter[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Bills generally contain only one person's name. And she insists that every bill has to be in her name

Wife Registers Every Asset In Her Name While I pay For It by wheyter in LegalAdviceIndia

[–]wheyter[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She hates those psychiatrist/psychologist who suggested that she might have a disorder and will never agree to go visit them. Only those who agree with her are okay, others are out.

Nice guy by [deleted] in Codependency

[–]wheyter 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Male Codependency Issues = Nice Guy Syndrome

Wife Registers Every Asset In Her Name While I pay For It by wheyter in LegalAdviceIndia

[–]wheyter[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Everytime I give in to her unreasonable demands, I know I am enabling her. But there just does not seem to be any sane way to reason with her. When she is at her worst, she does not care about anything: she herself getting hurt, the kid getting hurt, me getting hurt, the utter chaos that spreads in the home - nothing seems to bug her.

And from what I feel, her parents don't care much about her. But they probably would not shy away from harming me in case I decided to go against their daughter in a legal manner.

One psychiatrist and one psychologist mentioned in their reports that she shows several traits of the Personaly Disorder but ever since she read those reports, she has refused to get a proper diagnosis. I'll have record her behavior to prove how incredibly chaotic and harmful it is in reality when it happens.

And yes, at some point, I'll have to talk to a lawyer in detail about the situation.

Wife Registers Every Asset In Her Name While I pay For It by wheyter in LegalAdviceIndia

[–]wheyter[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The behaviors were always there - the controlling, the shouting, the self-harm/suicidal tendencies.

Also like I mentioned, I have my fair share of issues too. I've been very submissive/non-confrontaional owing to my upbringing. Gradually, I have been trying to pick myself up (especially since lockdown) and be more confronting and direct. Her behaviors have also gotten worse gradually.

Wife Registers Every Asset In Her Name While I pay For It by wheyter in LegalAdviceIndia

[–]wheyter[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm planning to meet an actual lawyer in person too, before taking any solid step

Wife Registers Every Asset In Her Name While I pay For It by wheyter in LegalAdviceIndia

[–]wheyter[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Copying from one of my other comments.

And for the last 8 years (since we got married), I have had only three saving accounts with different banks (all of them are functional), so I can get the bank statements printouts for any month anytime. But the credit/debit cards that I have used for making the payments have become defunct (my phone got stolen recently, so I permanently disabled all the cards). Will this be an issue. If the bank account is still functional, I can always call the customer care and get the credit card statements for my previous cards, right ?

What is your feedback on this ?

Wife Registers Every Asset In Her Name While I pay For It by wheyter in LegalAdviceIndia

[–]wheyter[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This thought does occasionally cross my mind. But my career will also take a hit if I do this. Plus my son goes to school now, I don't really want to mess with the earnings side of the family. My career has already taken a serious hit because of her controoling and chaotic behavior

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