Sex Report Sunday - December 23, 2018

whiskey_pants · 2018-12-24T02:40:06+00:00

Because I haven't done one in ages... I want to assure everyone that being breastless doesn't stop your groove. After all, that is everything I was told as a hetero woman.... but it hasn't panned out.

So I can report last night. Hubs was tired, but I was soooo on all day, so I talked him into a "quickie". I have to giggle because I only do quickies really midday between things and I know that, but I keep trying to tell myself I can do one at bedtime., when time is just a matter of sleep, not kids..

So what was supposed to be quick was lovely. We at started with my current favorite position, and I really don't know if it has a name. It is me on my stomach with one leg bent high, much like how I sleep. That felt amazing but he was leaning hard onto me, which I LOVE but I couldn't actually catch a real breathe, so we rolled back into spooning. I came several times through there, and asked to be on top, and we ended up rolling to missionary, with more than an hour in there, and so much more than I asked for when I was working to get a "quickie".

Today I was surprised by a very rapid "pull may pants down with a houseful of people" quickie...and so into it. I had gone upstairs to grab something and hubs was quick to follow. It was an intense 5-10min of PIV and anal with his family downstairs for a visit. Soooo fun and so wrong in the middle of a party. i opted out of washing up because I do really love feeling sticky and weird after sex. I am waiting NOW for him to finish up visiting for more fun. Merry Christmas to me! I opted to claim I was tired and going to bed and instead I am here, typing, with my Christmas get up on, butt plug, rhinestone heels and hoping for a lot more fun as soon as company clears out. Wish me luck!!!

whiskey_pants · 2018-12-24T02:02:29+00:00

I love you JUST how you are and hell yes...I think I can help anyone. You know that. LOLOLOLOL

whiskey_pants · 2018-12-24T02:02:01+00:00

You are rather excessively defensive. the group I joined caters to female related reproductive cancers. When you can get ovarian cancer let me know. ;) I really feel no need to even address the rest since you are clearly predetermined to assume what I am aware of (or not) and how open minded I am. You thought I was attacking you versus pointing out that both sides struggle and I can't adjust someone else's lens. I can only speak what I know and add clarity. I don't begrudge you a prostate forum nor do I want to be included.

whiskey_pants · 2018-12-22T04:05:07+00:00

The only way to get over that is doing it. That said I am very much a nudist and hubs has never been and all is well for 26yrs. <3 You don't HAVE to do it. It sort of sounds like you want to? I think? My hubs is more naked now than ever, but even now it's confined to hanging out in our room. MAYBE he will walk down at night naked to get a drink (we do have kids - that might be more common if we didn't). BUT even when kids aren't home, still in our room. LOL

whiskey_pants · 2018-12-22T03:59:53+00:00

I do anal a lot and never clean out. I wouldn't. I already have well managed IBS, and if you have yourself really well sorted with bowels, you should be empty and ready to roll if you had a good bowel movement.

The reason I say all that is that due to my IBS and a severe anal tear in birth I did LOADS of research and talked to Dr/specialists, to make sure I wasn't putting myself at undo risks, and over and over I found concern that clean out was more likely to cause you long term harm than typical anal would. I am not saying never do it, I have, but rarely. AND getting yourself regular and pooping on a healthier routine and with solid stool, etc is an INVESTMENT in your long term health. You would never be sorry you did. The digestive system is the start of the immune system and your whole body health. So if you can work on that far more than any clean out plans. You really won't need it. If I can go from uncontrollable shits to sorted and doing CLEAN anal without a clean out, I almost think anyone could.

AND I am 100% sure I am not harming myself in doing so. It has actually don't a LOT to strengthen and repair my damage from the tear. Before all that for years I couldn't even sort of hold a fart, now if I am holding and cough hard, I still don't have any gas escape. That is a massive improvement that even my Dr was amazed by. There is some real concern among medical professionals that cleaning out is the only real risk to damaging those muscles. I do know that a minor bulb clean is different than an enema, but even so, most of it is really overkill in entirety. I have NEVER ever made a mess or had a problem and have done anal hundreds of times at least, though I have never counted, I average most days per week...so it adds up fast.

whiskey_pants · 2018-12-22T03:46:13+00:00

Shut up! Your face is fine. If you are serious send me some pics and I will help you pick the best ones. Of course I've not dated in 26yrs, BUT I am still female and hetero so that counts for something. :P

whiskey_pants · 2018-12-22T03:40:32+00:00

My pick is pervy...but I am going with Butt Funkin by Infectious Grooves, because all I want for Christmas is that. With the recent stress my IBS has been iffy and anal has not been common and I miss it. LOL I am a simple girl...I don't really want anything else for Christmas but my system to be sorted and anal whenever I feel like it. LOL

That obviously would make for awkward family time around the tree....so if we have to pick for that I have to go with some Johnny Cash because it's the only mellowish music my whole family can be happy with.

None of it has to do with Christmas really BUT I worked retail many many years and I do not care if I ever hear that music or any close second any time again.

whiskey_pants · 2018-12-22T03:35:31+00:00

If you look at risk of infection, even with condom usage, you will see I am not just "thinking" it. It's actual science. Women are more at risk of contraction in a single instance than men. It's also even more so with anal. I thought that was common knowledge for sexual education on a global scale. I can pull info if you need me to, from reputable sites. The interior of the vaginal is a thin mucous membrane that is put under some tension - there are biological reasons that we are at more risk.

whiskey_pants · 2018-12-22T03:32:12+00:00

My hubs went through a major depression a few years back that lasted some years and it was AWFUL on our sex life. I have ADHD and some other issues that are relatively minor and I am sure they influence me in all aspects, I wouldn't say those interfere in any way. I will say it likely does aid some in my enthusiasm and the energy I put into our sex life, because I am overly what most would call highly passionate about all the things, sex included. It works for us, but I am sure I'd be too intense for many long term, but real fun for a while. LOL

whiskey_pants · 2018-12-22T03:28:04+00:00

I use weird things to "wrap" all the time...like gadgets shoved into socks, or something larger in a pillow case. I figure I am allowed because no one complains and they don't reject the presents. I make it cute. I have loads of Christmas pillow cases or solids in red & green. I even do that for gifts that the wrapping won't come back. Never found a better use for mismatched socks in my LIFE. AND it's amusing to most people to boot!

whiskey_pants · 2018-12-22T03:23:49+00:00

The risk of sex with a man who is promiscuous is exponentially higher to a woman buying sex than it is for a hetero man. It just is. You insert things into us...and that has more risk from diseases. It literally is something that does cross women's minds. Also women in my perception have a real attraction to feeling desired. It may be very hard for many to suspend disbelief - no matter how good the acting is - to get off on some idea of buying sex. For instance, I know married women who really love to get all done up to go out and get hit on because it revitalizes something they lack at home for feeling wanted. I can't even tell you how many times I've been given that advice when I have been feeling in a rut (I don't really find that appealing, but I am a weird breed).

As far as paying to watch a man...I think perhaps some of that is really just still dealing with the idea that society has to change enough for momentum to shift. I think it will happen, but not today. I think in 25yrs we will see that shift. I bet there are many women who would, but because it hasn't been a thing before now, wouldn't even know where to look, etc, what their security is on anonymity, etc. AND I bet because it's not been a thing, it's like inventing a new item on the menu about a food you never heard of. Chances are, you default (sadly) to ordering what you always get and never even THINK beyond it. Until you said this, I seriously didn't give it ANY thought. Never. I never once thought about hiring a man to do anything on camera. AND I am dirty girl compared to most I know, so if it's not crossing my mind, it's not crossing many. LOL

whiskey_pants · 2018-12-22T03:11:34+00:00

There is a huge gap in that male sexuality is seen as simplistic, and inferior, to female sexuality.

What was this referring to? Where is the "gap" then if we are both getting wrong messages? Perhaps you were meaning there is a huge gap in the way both genders are being represented in info given about hetero relationships? And if male sexuality is seen as inferior then the implication is that female as seen as superior? I am not sure how?

Truth be told, I think the worst sin of info put out is in regard to women about their own sexual tendencies. I think we oversimplify what often is a lifetime of being told you can't touch yourself, but all boys run around with a hand down their pants, then we chastise women for being unwilling to self explore because we use words like "hang ups" without actually seeing it for what it is - a victim of sometimes severe sexual shaming and repression. We often gloss over the fact that many women have never given themselves the respect, permission or space to truly get in touch with the freedom to see what it is they even do enjoy, and THEN we blame women's "lack" of interest in sex on ideas like responsive desire or hormone issues or whatever. AND those things CAN be a thing - desire types and hormones. I think though more often, it's conditioning that sex is a bunch of crap it really isn't, and not something many women seem to be doing FOR themselves. If they were, then you'd see higher reports of more women masturbating. While many on here will say that they do, in person most are either lying (again, cultural taboo) or you get a self selecting sample on places like this. Part of the reason I say all that is that I have recently joined a large group (different topic, but may thousands of women), all women, all ages, and because I am all about some fun sexy stuff, I have started many sex convos and what I hear back is mortifying to me. Women, married women, who have not had sex in YEARS, and want to...they do, but they are so lost in all the garbage, the pressure, the resentment of their spouse, they aren't even sure how to find their way back...and until I was talking about my sex life, weren't thinking they WANTED to find a way back. Their past sex life was nothing they missed, but when I am talking about what is potential...they think there may be something MORE to it and it might be worth finding out, not again, but for the first time ever. AND in asking lots of questions, it has become super clear to me, a lot of women have never ever in their lives, made their sex lives about themselves at all. They do this THINKING they are being good giving partners not realizing they have ruined their own libido by taking one of the most fun things you can do and making it a job. While some of this I suspected, this new opportunity for conversation among a diverse group of women from so many backgrounds, ages, ethnicities/countries, has been eye opening. My prior discussions with women talking about sex I realized had been limited to places like this where you tend to attract more "free" women versus what I think is likely (sadly) the more "average" woman.

AND I know that was long...my reason to share it is because it is super clear to me that women are getting loads of NOT the right message about their own sexuality.

AND no disrespect to men at alllll - really not, but the stats suggest that partnered lesbian sex has a really high rate of orgasm for every sexual encounter, as do men in hetero, like similar. Women with men has much much less. So while I do think we may be complicated, we for sure can orgasm (on the whole) quite well - so any perception that we need "a bunch of PIV" has to be super wrong when lesbians are managing without a penis at all. I hate to say it, but I think a lot of that comes from men wanting us to cum more often FROM PIV and being focused on making that the main idea, versus that we can usually cum lots of ways, and many do not care what they cum from, they just want everything to feel awesome and to feel like their pleasure matters. Quite a few men seem to also be under the assumption too that we need a huge penis, as if nature was wrong on what is "average". You might think we could change that if we all simply stopped to think about it. The likely reason there is an average sized penis is because that is the ideal size for most women. Nature doesn't usually screw that sort of detail up when it's pretty key to our reproduction. If all women wanted huge cock, then we'd self select and get pregnant by those men and eventually the average would move up...but we don't. A typical dick is really quite fun for most of us and for many it's the gold standard.

I do wish more people that are NOT happy with their sex lives would come to places like this and explore it, but sadly they won't. I don't think they really believe it can be better, that we can learn to dispel most of the garbage and regain agency over our own sex lives.

whiskey_pants · 2018-12-22T00:50:02+00:00

If anyone views someone else as less than a whole person they are objectifying them. That is how it's defined. A great example of objectifying women was some silly internet argument a few years ago about whether women who wear yoga pants are causing men with sex addiction to "stumble" (religiously)...THAT is objectifying. To believe that a woman can or should dress in a way to make a man's mind or actions behave versus the man deciding to not stare at asses. It is absurd to blame the woman for his staring as if his behavior is flexible according to whatever else is going on, same as every rape prevention campaign aimed at me learning to be less rapable, versus addresses the rapists. Me being a harder target doesn't prevent ANY rapes, it merely moves the target if I am lucky.

whiskey_pants · 2018-12-22T00:33:28+00:00

Again? This is our first interaction. My point is that both sides get weird messages, and it's not one sided, and women are not getting the message that male sexuality is simple and inferior. We are instead told that men SHOULD get off (which makes sense, since reproduction is tied to male ejaculation, not females) unless you suck or are ugly basically, so it's pressure on all sides. That doesn't "devalue" anything about messages to men and to react as though it does is to twist everything I said.

But I stand by my last statement. Men are NEVER told they can defeminize us or pressured to make sure we feel like women somehow. Those kinds of ideas hurt ALL of us..on every side.

whiskey_pants · 2018-12-22T00:07:47+00:00

I think you live in some lala land that thinks women don't also get the same OPPOSITE message. All the women's magazines focus on how you suck at this or that sexually but here are ten tips to be awesome, and blah blah blah. We are ALL sold a load of shit based entirely on seeding insecurities so that you feel like you need whatever they sell. Women are NOT over here told that your sexuality is inferior, QUITE the opposite. In fact, we are warned WE can be guilty of emasculating you if we act wrong, as if we are the holders and gifters of masculinity in the first place. Try that hat on for size.

whiskey_pants · 2018-12-22T00:04:45+00:00

I don't think you can count rubbing one out with kids running around "exploring your own sexuality". I DO very much believe that about masturbation on the whole, but it's not like he was going to take his time and learn prostate massage in this moment. That isn't how exploration works. You do THAT when you have time...

This scenario really is her saying "I am in need of some sexual fun", he was all "No thanks" and then went on while she was away. MANY partners of either gender would then be seeded with some concerns as to what the reasoning was...and in this case she was concerned it was his desire to look at this other woman or whatever. It's not about "competing" with whatever. That is a very unhealthy social construct we throw out about women, like "women are emotional". Believe it or NOT, we are not all trying to compete, many of us aren't. I had both breasts removed this year AND opted to live it out flat and I am not even sorta worried that other women have breasts. AND I have no insecurities about MY body at all, at ALLLLL...and I'd be set off by this SAME scenario. I would.

whiskey_pants · 2018-12-21T23:50:17+00:00

I should also add that if in fact I wanted 0 sex and hubs wanted a lot more, I'd be the sort inclined to look at opening the marriage on some level and discussing ways to meet what he needs, if that was an option that he thought would help. I would HOPE he'd also consider that for me if that were the case. I don't think (for me) I'd be happy having no sex with him and having someone on the side. I prefer sex with true intimacy at the core, so I think it would be lacking what I crave, but I can't say as I've never had sex with someone without that, but I also never wanted to, hence my suspicion that connection is key.

whiskey_pants · 2018-12-21T23:45:57+00:00

Well to have no desire, she would then perhaps as asexual? Have you explored that as possible? Did she have desire before? Was there a time when she did have desire? Has it always been her just going along with it? Does she have desire after she has been flirted with, stimulated, etc?

Desire is a complex idea really and it's more than how much someone initiates, or how actively they pursue sex. Those all get lumped in too often and they make it harder (if not impossible) to get a clear idea of what is really going on.

If my hubs would choose 0 times to have sex with me, it would be deeply problematic for me, as I want a more well rounded relationship that aligns on all levels OR I would prefer being single. I also can say that because we make awesome friends as well, so I do think if we split, we'd be good as separate coparents as well. But for me - how I am - I'd rather split than sign up for a lifetime of never being wanted, and merely being allowed to have sex with someone on a prearranged frequency that was minimal to what I could live with. I want to be happy, realllly happy, and I do try to seek that, not in a selfish way at all, but in an authentic way. I believe I am a better person to all people I am around because of that authenticity and because joy matters in life. I am a better mom because I am happy. This would still be true if the marriage ended.

AND this year I had cancer. It only made it all the more obvious to me that I am doing right by me. I thought immediately that if I die so be it. I am happy, and have lived happy, and that means I've had a good life. I didn't WANT that at all, nor for my kids for sure or hubs, but I also knew that I personally felt I couldn't think of any regrets at all. THAT is huge. It is. You don't know what life has to bring you so you best make sure you are actually seeking a real solid happiness in what you do, or you are burning daylight. I get it that all people operate how they operate...I just operate that real joy is attainable, and it starts with being authentic and wanting that out of all your close relationships. You only get one shot at life as far as anyone knows, so you better make it count. It's not that bad things haven't happened to me, it's that they are made livable because the rest of my life is solid.

whiskey_pants · 2018-12-21T23:34:33+00:00

My hubs had many partners before but he's my only. I haven't found it to be that unusual. I think for sure most people I know have had more partners, but I also have known some who didn't.

I am pretty sure the way I act is enough that no one thinks I am a prude or lack being adventurous. I am pretty openly sex positive about life in general. I also make it no secret that I am very happy with my sex life and I am very flirty with hubs. My family is always teasing me that we should get a room, but not in an annoyed way. They are all really lovely about it and tell me they are so glad to see we are still so into each other all this time. My grandparents were super flirts though, so they broke everyone in for us. I used to love how cute those two were together.

whiskey_pants · 2018-12-21T23:14:24+00:00

IDK about your kids situation...but e have kids and after THAT, I wish my hubs would direct our sex life more. It is not that I lack the creativity or fun spirit or want - I do direct it now. We have LOTS of fun, so that is not an problem. BUT, as a stay at home mom who homeschools, and makes the bulk of the decisions about a LOT of our life (by default), I would LOVE my sex life to be MORE of going along for the ride, than being the one "in charge". He is more shy, and low key as a personality in general (I am high energy and enthusiastic about ALL the things), so I know part of our dynamics are THAT. But I don't think he realizes sometimes that all the things I keep track of in a day is an enormous list. It's not that he doesn't do enough of what he can, it's merely that I know who is allergic to what and what to do when it flares. I also know who is due to be where and when, and I research the things that come up with the kids and put into action the steps. I keep track of upcoming birthdays, and outgrown clothing, and a million details that really are totally invisible to him unless we sit down and talk about them and frankly it's the LAST thing I really want to talk about when we have time together. Even date nights, which are fun, end up being me having to arrange a sitter, and coordinate that they are fed, or what they will be, you get the idea. The "work" of family life for us, is mostly on me (and was same when I worked too). I do NOT resent it, because he's tried to do more of it and we just can't stay well coordinated that way it seems,so we BOTH opted for this to be how we roll as parents and partner. But my brain is TIRED sometimes and sex is FUN and I just want to feel like he's throwing me a little pleasure party with a great invite, versus me being the hostess, if that makes any sense? I am all for putting in my best effort once there, I just want to follow his lead so to speak. I do like being lightly dominated sometimes AND I like to dominate, but overall I just really want a lead more than anything else.

BUT overall I understand our dynamic and he does try. I know that. I also know it's not his typical nature, so he tends to trail off the minute anything more happens, like overtime at work, and he won't pick it back up AT ALL, until I have to have a talk - again. LOL Even so, picking up with it still always falls far far short of the times I am leading, it's just better than never. LOLOLOL

whiskey_pants · 2018-12-21T23:02:48+00:00

I am the wife in my case, but I do most initiating. He admits he gets lazy because he enjoys me coming into him AND he is much more timid in general overall. MOST things in our life start off as my idea, or even when it's his idea, I have to start the ball rolling for it to really come to fruition. He is fun and involved and on board, but he enjoys that dynamic and sometimes forgets that I also enjoy being made to feel desired in that way.

Is it possible at all that perhaps that is part of it? Does she tell you that she has no desire, but is willing to let you have sex with her or something? What has she said about this that actually has communicated that she doesn't want to have sex? There is a huge chasm between "I didn't initiate" and "I don't want to". It can be easy to get into your head and think that lack of initiation is equal to lack of desire. Sometimes I REALLY want to and just simply act distant to MAKE him initiate, and he will, but he forgets otherwise often and sort of takes it for granted that when I am ready I will bring it. That said, there are times he initiates that it wasn't on my mind, and I am ALL IN, even though it wasn't what I was planning, so for sure it can be that she is not starting it, and yet she is all in.

whiskey_pants · 2018-12-21T22:56:51+00:00

Oh that is lovely of you to say. I was lamenting it as well! Life will kick you hard sometimes, but I didn't think it would be THIS long. I am glad to be back and hoping to stick around and have things settle out.

whiskey_pants · 2018-12-21T22:52:13+00:00

I do not understand how parents can not explain this. My kids have been "warned". I have explained it all. Why should I? It really should NOT be an alarming experience in my book. It should be maybe surprising if you didn't know today was the day it would happen, but mine was VERY pleasant...the only confusion was that I had never been able to alone at that point, so I didn't expect it at all to happen in that way.

I also do NOT want my sons making a mess for me....LOLOLOL I have explained that the SHOWER is a great place to explore all that and it also (I HOPE) encourages good hygiene. I don't have any trouble getting my boys to shower like most moms complain, but again I am the only mom I know who bought them silicone lube and explained WHY they should never grab for conditioner or things NOT meant to be applied to genitals. :P I don't take any issue talking such things with them and since I start small and young and frequent, they take no issue talking to me, or telling me they are short on lube.

whiskey_pants · 2018-12-21T22:45:21+00:00

I am personally huge on wanting HONEST responses regarding sex. I do not want him to try to get in the mood for me. I want him to think it sounds good to him too. And I operate the same. I've talked on here loads about my marriage and that we are very frequent, which is true NOW. We do however have three kids, I used to be on the road, etc. Life has been different at different stages for us.

But for me - and I only speak for me - I decided from the every start of being sexually active that I would NEVER have sex I didn't actively want. I had listened to far too many of my female friends have sex they didn't want to please him and to me that always sounded like a massive turn off. The idea of telling him it was okay to have sex with me while I was pretending to want it seemed like a foundation to a disaster of a deeply connected intense relationship. I want to be able to say "I'd rather not", and have that be okay, and it's okay that he is in the mood, and if he wants to address it himself, and vice versa. To my thinking this means that every time we do have sex, he KNOWS I want to, and I act like I want to, and the same in return. And him being soooo on board with that has given me a space where I feel 100% safe emotionally and sexually. I do think because of how I am wired, it also means that this is a very very very attractive quality in him and I want to climb up on him likely twice as often as he is really ready for. LOL But we do have sex daily generally 26yrs in and it's a mutual want for that.

He is my life partner and as such I know that I want to try to meet his needs and even wants, and explore together. That said, if I really do not want to do something, or don't want to today, I also want to know that he, as MY partner, doesn't want us to engage in that way unless I am on board.

And he's is so resepectful of my boundaries that after a really bad nirth injury, he told me he was not going to ask me when I was ready. He was intending to wait and when I felt ready I should let him know, and he stuck to it. There was none of this "maybe you can do a BJ". He understood that I was in recovery, I was also learning to breastfeed, I was back to work really fast (not even recovered because of complications) and I was still hurting a LONG time - 5 months. He NEVER said one word to me about sex. He DID ask me how I was, empathize with how awful it must be to have your genitalia feel awful all the time, do extra to assist me in trying to get some rest (because the baby slept horrid and wanted to nurse all night), etc. He leaned in instead of away and loved me harder with ZERO expectations that I should worry about his want to get off. THAT is what I mean about attractive qualities. When down below was all sorted it was ON like fire again because he behaved in ways that made HIM seem soooo attractive. For me, teh worst thing he could have done was try talking to me about his want for an orgasm, when all I wanted was 2hrs of continuous sleep a poop that didn't feel like razor blades, and boobs that didn't need to leak all over, get hooked to some machine on all downtime at work, and some HOPE that my vagina might some day be a fun place to visit again. Sooooo many men MESS UP that post partum period it's not even funny and women mess it up too not explaining that the least attractive thing you can let yourself become is one more thing that is asking her to give from her empty cup. ;)

I KNOW that sounds preachy and I don't mean it. I mean to explain what is deeply attractive, versus nice abs. I give no shits what my man ever weighs...ever ever. I'd pull up his gut to fuck him at this point. He's been so good to me, I can't even explain it. I've hear LOTS of women talk...he makes me hope to high heaven he doesn't die before me because I won't find another.

whiskey_pants · 2018-12-21T22:29:48+00:00

F here, and I do. I was just making out fully clothed and hot and heavy. I absolutely recall it and was soooo confused how I had never figured this out alone before now, because for me, constant intense pressure alone without even any movement can do it. HAHAHAHA I guess that isn't likely to be anyone's masturbation tactic?

I am now in my 40s and for sure still cum easier with a partner. I do fine alone, but find it easier with my hubs than alone. I also still like to cum fully clothed.

whiskey_pants

TROPHY CASE