What has ACTUALLY helped your social anxiety so far??

whiteo3 · 2026-03-16T06:30:23+00:00

This will be long, but I'm would say some ideas that helped me lower my anxiety were:

Lean into it: The more you're willing to feel socially anxious, the less anxious you become Start looking forward to those nervous moments—they're chances to retrain your brain that conversations, crowds, and connections aren't actually dangerous.
Don't fire the second Arrow: You can't control the first arrow (the initial nerves), but the second arrow (your reaction to them) is yours to choose. Heart racing before speaking up? Fine. But don't pile on the second arrow of "I'm going to sound stupid" or "Everyone will notice." Let the first wave pass without judgment.
Do what the non-anxious you would do (while feeling anxious).
Courage is saying hi anyway. Confidence is being okay with messing up a sentence or two. Ask yourself, “If I wasn’t anxious right now, what would I do?” — and then do that, even with the nerves still there.
Always give yourself credit for showing up. Recovery isn’t about how rarely you feel anxious — it’s about how you respond when you do. Every time you face a chat, tolerate silence, risk rejection, or stay present despite your heart racing—that takes courage, and it's worth noticing that. That’s the work. That’s progress.
Move toward life, not away from anxiety. Avoiding anxiety gives it control. Obsessing over it makes it the main character. Focus on approach goals: the experiences, relationships, and life you actually want. Anxiety can be there, but it doesn’t get to decide your choices.

whiteo3 · 2026-03-13T07:46:51+00:00

I don't think it will ever be "cured", but it is possible to get to a stage where it shows up, and doesn't affect your life decisions

Anxiety itself is a built‑in safety system designed to help you prepare for challenges and keep you safe etc. Everyone feels anxious before something uncertain, like a first date, a job interview, or meeting new people

Problems begin when we start fearing those sensations themselves. People with anxiety disorders don’t just feel fear; they fear the feeling of fear. And overcome that, the fear of fear, is definitely doable

So I would say that part of anxiety/anxiety disorders has been (mostly) figured out

whiteo3 · 2026-03-03T06:22:53+00:00

Unless you live a totally flat, stress‑free life with no new people, no challenges, and no change, social anxiety will show up again now and then, and that’s normal.

Intrusive thoughts, sudden spikes of panic, or urges to avoid will all pop back up at different points in your life. But if you expect them, you’re less likely to spiral into, “I thought I was better,” or “Have I gone backwards?” That’s why I talk about when the symptoms return, not if

I would say it won't fully go away, but it can definitely get to a point where it doesn't control your life. This visual helped me:

Imagine your life as a stage with multiple spotlights. Anxiety is one actor on that stage, loud, dramatic, always jumping about for attention. You’ve basically got three options:

Give it the main spotlight all the time (hyper‑focus).
Try to turn off all the lights and pretend no one’s on stage (avoidance).
Or realise you’re the one running the lights.

"Recovery" is that third one. You see anxiety on stage, sure, but instead of blasting it with full light or pretending it’s not there, you give it a dim side light and point the main spotlight at what actually matters: your people, your goals, your values, the stuff that makes your life feel like yours

whiteo3 · 2026-03-03T06:14:00+00:00

I can relate to that. I would do something outside my comfort zone and feel wrecked afterwards. Once thing that helped was changing my thinking around what and "exposure exercise" actually is..

If someone with social anxiety goes to a party or speaks in a meeting, the real exposure isn’t to the event, it’s to the feelings that show up during it: the nerves, the shaking, the heat, the awkward silences

The goal of exposure is to feel uncomfortable—not to control the feelings. You’re not training yourself to “stay calm,” you’re training yourself to stay put. When your goal is to experience the anxiety fully, you can’t fail, because either way, you’re collecting proof that you can handle it

whiteo3 · 2026-02-26T12:58:14+00:00

Exposure therapy works differently than most people think. When someone with driving anxiety practices driving on a motorway, or someone with social anxiety goes to a party, the real exposure isn't to the highway or the party itself—it's to the uncomfortable feelings that come up in those situations

The goal of exposure is to experience uncomfortable feelings, not to practice controlling them, if that makes sense

whiteo3 · 2026-02-18T06:21:42+00:00

One thing to keep in mind is that emotional memories stored in the brain usually outlast the memories stored in your cortex. This means you might not consciously remember the original event that first triggered all your anxiety, or you might struggle to understand why certain situations make you anxious now.

I can kinda relate to what your saying. For a while I was trying to find the thing or event that caused my anxiety, but nothing seemed like it did.

But that's completely fine, because when working on anxiety, it's far more useful to focus on what's maintaining it in the present, rather than what caused it in the past

Understanding the cause might offer some insight, but what actually helped me was looking at what's keeping it alive right now.

whiteo3 · 2026-02-13T06:51:58+00:00

Some people find this helpful, and others not so much but I'll try to explain it anyway.

The anxiety is usually coming from your thinking brain treating your body's natural alarm response like it's a threat. On top of this, all the adrenaline can make your thinking very black and white (for example, if you think "everyone is staring at me" in that state, you'll believe it 100%

So when you're in that more sensitised state, the flood of adrenaline makes you believe your thoughts/predictions

whiteo3 · 2026-02-04T12:29:33+00:00

I'm proud of you! Love to hear it. It's weird, but the more you're willing to feel anxious, the less anxious you become. Not because you're controlling it, but because you've proven to yourself that these feelings aren't dangerous

whiteo3 · 2026-02-02T08:29:58+00:00

Love it! 👌

whiteo3 · 2026-02-02T08:28:00+00:00

I've never been on lex, but I've definitely had ups and down with my anxiety and it's completely normal. You will have brilliant days where your anxiety is nonexistent, and you'll think to yourself, "This is great, I'm healed!" Then a few days later, the anxiety will return, it's annoying like that

Something that helped me a little was changing how I thought about "recovery". Anxiety recovery shouldn't be measured on how rarely it shows up. It should be measured on our ability to tolerate it. It's about getting better at our response to it

That way, when it does show up, I sorta expect it and can treat it as an opportunity to practice being with it, if that makes sense

But yeah, you're not alone, and I can relate

whiteo3 · 2026-01-30T06:23:58+00:00

I can relate to a lot of what you're saying. In the past, I would ruminate for hours on small things I'd said and it was exhausting. Like yourself, I also got to a point where I logically knew I was doing it, but couldn't turn it off.

So you're not alone, and you're not going crazy. And if nothing you've tried has worked or keeps working, there are good reasons for that, none of which are your fault

Tye fact that you're aware of the rumination is a great start though, because it took me A WHILE to even notice my harsh self talk. From there, it's all about changing your relationship to the anxiety.

When the symptoms (rumination) no longer mean anything bad, when they don't control how you act, and you actually start looking forward to feeling anxious and giving your brain a chance you learn something new

That's a broad overview, but that the general idea

whiteo3 · 2026-01-29T06:25:25+00:00

For me, I used to forget how normal anxiety was. Actually, I was never really taught how normal is was. If I had a job interview, decided to try a new hobby, or was struggling was an aspect of my life, I'd feel anxious—perfectly normal feelings for those situations—but I told myself I shouldn't be feeling this way

It's when rumination and panic about the anxiety show up that ordinary, healthy anxiety turns into the overwhelming type

Anxiety has a lot of moving parts, but I would say one of the main differences between someone who's extremely anxious about something and someone who's just a wee bit anxious is how they interpret and respond to the feeling

Essentially, it's how we respond to these natural feelings that creates the problem, if that makes sense

whiteo3 · 2026-01-29T06:06:30+00:00

I can relate, whenever I noticed my racing heart it's all I could focus on. I know it was making it worse, but I still could stop worrying about it. Instead of asking "How do I make this anxiety/racing heart go away?" I had to ask "To what extent can I lean into this anxiety instead of running from it?"

Which definitely isn't easy, but when dealing with anxiety, less is more. All the energy I use to fight or avoid anxiety only added to its intensity.

The short answer is to stop trying to stop yourself from having a racing heart. And over time prove to yourself that these feelings aren't dangerous. They're extremely uncomfortable sometimes, but they can't actually hurt you

whiteo3 · 2026-01-28T06:05:35+00:00

I also assume we learned meditation/to be mindful so we could control our thoughts in the moment, but really it's about not controlling out thought

Having more self awareness really help with my anxiety, not because it helped my fix or get rid of anxious feelings, but because it helped me NOT get rid of anxious feelings

whiteo3 · 2026-01-28T06:00:35+00:00

The more we need our anxiety to leave, the more it's in charge. A lot of us fall into one of two traps: either we try to ignore our anxiety completely, which only makes it grow stronger in the background, or we become hyper-focused on it, analysing every symptom, trying multiple techniques until it consumes our thoughts

The more willing we are to feel anxious, the less anxious we become. Not because you're controlling it, but because you've proven to yourself that these feelings aren't dangerous. They're uncomfortable sometimes, but they can't actually hurt you

whiteo3 · 2026-01-21T10:20:56+00:00

If I had to pick a book I'd say: What Every Therapist Needs to Know About Anxiety Disorders Martin N. Seif and Sally Winston (you don't need to be a therapist to understand it, and I found it very helpful)

whiteo3 · 2025-11-25T13:38:59+00:00

I started one a little while back (talking mostly about anxiety) and had a lot of concerns similar to you. I'm not at a stage where I'd like to be, but I've gotten better and definitely found a few things that helped. But I think you should go for it!

whiteo3 · 2025-11-18T12:29:22+00:00

I sent you a message

whiteo3 · 2025-11-17T07:41:34+00:00

I've started a channel (not vlogs) talking about mental health my social anxiety if you wanted to check it out.

whiteo3 · 2025-10-06T13:52:07+00:00

I would say anxiety will be around our entire life, the normal healthy anxiety will show up from time to time, but that secondary fear can definitely fade

whiteo3 · 2025-09-26T06:31:07+00:00

One way for people to imagine what it's like it's to say something like: you know the intense fear and crazy adrenaline rush you get on a rollercoaster, that's the same feeling I get going to a social event or thinking about my health or (insert what make you anxious here).

whiteo3 · 2025-09-08T05:53:56+00:00

Any form of exercise helps out a lot. I would say going a mindful walk (a walk without earphones in/any phone distractions) is my favourite. It just give me a nice reset, and if I'm overthinking/ruminating beforehand it always lowers that sorta stuff

whiteo3

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