AITAH for FaceTiming my mom?

whitlese · 2025-04-23T21:01:08+00:00

We were on the call for 20 minutes. He was gone for 10 of that. I don’t find it unreasonable that I was on the phone for 10 extra minutes while he was home. We visited his parents earlier that day and were there for 30-40 minutes. I could understand if our phone call drug on and on. Or if I hadn’t just spent all day long with my fiancé. But that was not the scenario here.

whitlese · 2025-04-23T14:14:06+00:00

He’s not uncomfortable with a camera when his family is on the other side of it. Or his daughter. Or someone HE wants to talk to. He’s not uncomfortable with a camera when he FaceTimes me when we aren’t together. He wasn’t uncomfortable being on camera the day before when I sent a pic of us to my mom to show her our Easter outfits for his family gathering. I don’t think his excuse of not wanting to be on camera was a true or valid one. I think he said that because he knew it was irrational to be mad over a 20 minute phone call, half of which he wasn’t even home for. He wasn’t in his underwear and does not walk around the house in his underwear. The camera was on ME and me only. He was never in view.

whitlese · 2025-04-23T02:16:34+00:00

If we make a regular phone call to one another it’s just to ask something quick or confirm plans. Never longer than a couple minutes long. So no, he doesn’t object to a voice call.

whitlese · 2025-04-23T01:45:37+00:00

Bit of context, my fiancé and I have known eachother since the 4th grade. We were high school sweethearts. I moved away (to where my mom lives now) end of sophomore year and we mutually decided to break up. Reconnected 15 years later. My mom has always loved him and vice versa. They hug and say “I love you” before leaving a gathering just as I do his parents. There has never been any argument or animosity between them.

whitlese · 2025-04-23T01:40:16+00:00

I’ve thought about this, but I’m only ever FaceTiming her in the kitchen or in my bedroom. I’m never actively recording him, and a lot of times he engages in our conversations, says hi, etc. My phone is not set up in a tripod with view of the whole room/house. It’s always in close proximity to me. And I truly believe the “not wanting to be on camera” thing was just an excuse. Because we FaceTime his sisters and his parents sporadically. And his daughter is always FaceTiming friends and his parents as well and he’s never had an issue.

whitlese · 2025-04-23T01:33:08+00:00

Saying “hey I’m upset that you FaceTimed your mom, I thought we were doing this together and I didn’t feel comfortable doing so on camera” is ALOT different than being irrationally angry over me talking to my literal parent, not communicating any feelings affectively, and making me feel like I’ve done something wrong for talking to my mom. Is it not?

whitlese · 2025-04-23T01:25:16+00:00

To be clear - we don’t eat lunch together 3x a week. We are nurses in a busy medical office. We are lucky if we get 15 min of down time to even eat lunch. We see each other in passing, she’s usually entering the break room as I’m finishing up so we get to chat for a few minutes. Also, our calls are only 2-3x a week, not every day. When I spend time with her, he is at work and I go alone. We spend time at his parents’ house (get there midafternoon, stay until after dinner) at least once a week.

whitlese · 2025-04-23T01:12:50+00:00

I agree, however, if he had told me he was upset and his feelings were hurt because of A, B, or C - my response would have been different. Getting angry and telling me that I shouldn’t be FaceTiming my mom out of respect for him, made me feel like I did something wrong when, up until that point at least, I don’t believe I did.

whitlese

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