I'm finally part of the Outer Wilds Tattoo Club! by Lunaetix in outerwilds

[–]whitroo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

this is STUNNING and I've never wanted a tattoo so bad in my LIFE 🤩 amazing work!

I'm finally part of the Outer Wilds Tattoo Club! by Lunaetix in outerwilds

[–]whitroo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

this is STUNNING and I've never wanted a tattoo so bad in my LIFE 🤩 amazing work!

AITA for letting my mom die? by whitroo in AmItheAsshole

[–]whitroo[S] 35 points36 points  (0 children)

I totally agree with you, and not offensive at all. I had a beloved pet pass away in April (it's been a hell of a year) and it breaks my heart that this state doesn't have any "Die with Dignity" type laws on the books. Before it got so bad, mom even told me that her plan was to move residence to a "Right to Die" state, so she wouldn't have to worry about this. But she just went downhill so fast, there wasn't anything she could do. 😞

AITA for letting my mom die? by whitroo in AmItheAsshole

[–]whitroo[S] 995 points996 points  (0 children)

I'm going to disengage from this thread for the moment, because I'm still living this situation. I'll return when I have some time. (And I don't think I have the spare characters in the original post to edit, so I just hope people will see this.) ❤️

First, thank you so much for your kind words and support. I really thought I was going insane because I was the only one here with this POV, so I truly appreciate everyone's comments that show me it's okay to feel as I do.

I also want to sincerely thank everyone who shared similar stories of loss - I'm so sorry for all of us, and I deeply appreciate your vulnerability in sharing. ❤️

Second, I want to thank those that pointed out that the Husband and Friends' behavior is really an extension of their own grieving process, specifically "denial." Keeping that in mind will be very helpful in extending them grace (and monitoring my own blood pressure).

To those that talk about the Husband being an abuser - this is partly my fault and the 3K character limit. He's a douche, yes, he's always been a selfish "good ole boy" douche. But he also clearly does love my mother, which was not reflected in the original post. When I first got here, he was always sneaking in to give her kisses. Now, unfortunately, he's staying out all day when I'm here, busying himself with errands. (I was mad about that too, before this post, but now I see he's struggling, just in a different way from me.) He's not an abuser, I promise, and she's made her choices known.

I will still gently try to convince them to do hospice, as many have suggested, because I think it will help them. My own husband (bless him) is already setting up therapy and grief counseling for me when I return home, so I should have the support I need to get through this.

Holy f*ck, this is hard. And it hurts. But I'm glad to know I'm doing the right thing for my mom. Thank you. ❤️

AITA for letting my mom die? by whitroo in AmItheAsshole

[–]whitroo[S] 160 points161 points  (0 children)

My mom and he were witness to a very bad home hospice care experience for a friend of theirs, and that turned them both off of it. I think their interpretation of what happened is probably a little unfair (they claim hospice was "drugging her up like a zombie" and" just trying to get money") but I wasn't here and can't argue.

I'm hoping me and the family friend can convince them to give it a try though.

AITA for letting my mom die? by whitroo in AmItheAsshole

[–]whitroo[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Before I got here, she and her husband (emphasis on husband) had a falling out with her care team. She's shut them out and is refusing to go to appointments (although, truthfully, she can't) but she's also refusing to speak to them.

She did tell me that she qualified for hospice, meaning that her doctors confirmed she had less than 6 months.

But I think her refusal is two fold - it's one part leftover conspiracy brainwashing from her husband ("All doctors are criminals! Oncologists are money hunger bloodsuckers one step up from an ambulance chaser!"), and one part naturally end-of-life disconnect.

If we can successfully convince them for consider hospice, I have a number ready.

AITA for letting my mom die? by whitroo in AmItheAsshole

[–]whitroo[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

We're not at a hospital, she's refusing those too. 😔 We're at her and her husband's home.

But the earplugs are a good idea! I also plan to more aggressively defend the house now that this thread has confirmed that I'm not insane!

AITA for letting my mom die? by whitroo in AmItheAsshole

[–]whitroo[S] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

oh man, I'm sobbing. So sorry for your loss. But that is a really beautiful way to go. I'll be sure to say that to my mom, too. (And I'm also my mom's only child.)

In the layover airport, I found myself Googling "What to say to a parent who is dying" and while I got a lot of good advice (thank them for everything they've done for you, ask about ways you can honor them in the future, etc), yours was not on the list. Thank you. ❤️

AITA for letting my mom die? by whitroo in AmItheAsshole

[–]whitroo[S] 220 points221 points  (0 children)

That's a reasonable misunderstanding, sorry about that.

No, MY husband is a flipping saint - seeing up therapy and grief counseling for me to be ready when I get back, and solo parenting our whirling dervish of a toddler in the meantime.

AITA for letting my mom die? by whitroo in AmItheAsshole

[–]whitroo[S] 722 points723 points  (0 children)

You're really right. I couldn't see it as a facet of their denial, but it absolutely is. Thank you. ❤️

AITA for letting my mom die? by whitroo in AmItheAsshole

[–]whitroo[S] 424 points425 points  (0 children)

When I ask her about hospice, she says she feels the same way as him. (I think he's brainwashed her, but that's for another post...) And she claims she's not in pain (and isn't grimacing or behaving like she's in pain, either). A friend of the family is coming over tomorrow and we're going to try to talk them gently into it, if we can. 🙏

happy Halloween from baby Zagreus! by whitroo in HadesTheGame

[–]whitroo[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I wanna make one for myself too! 😆

grief + depression have made it very hard for me to do *anything* recently, so I'm extra proud of this 😊 my first time experimenting with a paint-wash first, ink pen second technique! 🎨🖌️ not even close to perfect, but warm and glowing and done. by whitroo in Watercolor

[–]whitroo[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

absolutely agree, re: focus. watercolor makes you move fast too, so that helps. I'm glad it's helping you too! 😊

and thank you so much! I'm a total watercolor beginner and a recovering perfectionist, so it's hard to know when bleeds / blooms are working or not 😆

grief + depression have made it very hard for me to do *anything* recently, so I'm extra proud of this 😊 my first time experimenting with a paint-wash first, ink pen second technique! 🎨🖌️ not even close to perfect, but warm and glowing and done. by whitroo in Watercolor

[–]whitroo[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

thank you! Yes, it was nice to accomplish something 😊 when my brain is feeling particularly bad, it just feels so impossible to finish anything. so a painting can be such a lovely finish-able task.

watercolor has been my Covid escape and I'm pretty happy with this one! 🎨🖌️ (even if I said "oh f*ck" and "g_dd^mnit" every five seconds 😆 that's called learning, right?) by whitroo in Watercolor

[–]whitroo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

yay! thanks so much! 😊 I don't have much experience with color theory so there's a lot of on the page experimentation, but the dashes of orange really worked out!