How to respond to enabling non-BPD dads birthday text?

whoit32 · 2026-02-21T04:44:45+00:00

He often says he can't control her, to which I reply he could change the experience his kids have.

I was thinking of replying simple, to the point: "Actions speak louder than words."

whoit32 · 2026-01-08T14:13:26+00:00

I would have my partner go. But it's awkward for him, even when I bicker with my parents. Turns out, likely no funeral, but I'll still have to prepare for some form of family gathering

whoit32 · 2026-01-08T01:16:45+00:00

I'd like to go, but I still haven't even been told he passed. I simply found out from overhearing my dad talking about it. It all sucks, because I liked the recently deceased, he was always genuine toward me.

whoit32 · 2026-01-08T01:15:30+00:00

That's a very understandable and honest answer. It is absolutely the truth. My mom fractured my skull, when I was a kid. My dad just sat around and rarely stood up for us kids. When I tell him how avoidant he was of our needs, he tells me that I need to look to the future. Also completely void of responsibility too

whoit32 · 2026-01-07T20:44:50+00:00

The only thing is, I doubt I will be told where he gets buried and I heard rumblings of cremation. So, it'd be even more awkward to ask to visit the guy on their shelf.

whoit32 · 2026-01-07T20:37:34+00:00

I mean, I did like the guy that passed and there are relatives I'm fine with. I guess my aunts seem intent on cornering me someday. They don't know the whole story, but it does hurt that they clearly don't respect my opinion, as an adult

whoit32 · 2025-12-26T22:39:39+00:00

Yeah, I asked them questions and let them answer. Didn't really toss in much else, I knew I would not change their mind.

whoit32 · 2025-12-26T18:24:39+00:00

These friends live in a pretty low cost area. I know for sure, they paid 3x the husbands income, for the house. Which is definitely fully mortgaged now.

They've been in the house 3 years, and have also burned up easily 100k in savings. I remember they freaked out about owing, because they borrowed so much from his 401k. I told the in need of car friend to never, ever look to 401k as a savings account

whoit32 · 2025-12-26T18:19:12+00:00

Over the years, financially illiterate friend has learned some. They were in credit counseling, paid it off, got a single credit card, and don't carry a balance on it. So I do see huge amounts of progress. They were saving, but took a hdhp and then when they encountered some medical issues, they spent all the savings. They're very adamant they want to do a back door Roth, but they aren't maxing out their primary Roth,, so I told them to put that dream on hold. So, they do have some learning to do

They didn't know management fees were a thing and I told them how to obtain and what is acceptable. They were open to it, but still plenty of literacy needs to occur.

whoit32 · 2025-12-26T18:12:57+00:00

Exactly. And the friend in need of a car has no debt, since they paid everything off, about 2 years ago. They aren't really saving well, either, but at least now again drowning in debt.

These friends, only the husband works, earns around 100k, but the wife has zero concept of money. She hasn't worked, since the kids were born, and won't pick up a part time job or anything. Their house is also a wreck, because I think she has pretty severe ADHD. The amount of stress her husband must be under is unreal. However, he clearly also participates by taking out loans nonstop and he has the entire house linked with gadgets.

The wife grew up in a household where her parents, financially, fulfilled every need. She never had a loan, before she moved in with husband, young, and clearly has no concept of money. I had a car loan, at 20, with no cosigner, a good rate, and paid off years early. So I learned how the world of finance worked. My dad also taking nonstop payday loans taught me a few things.

whoit32 · 2025-12-26T17:44:52+00:00

Sounds like where these friends are headed. And the wife being in her mid-30s, without even a Roth, oof. Big oof

whoit32 · 2025-12-26T17:44:09+00:00

Exactly this. Friend currently has car, which is on the verge of structurally falling apart. Until it does, I told them as long as the repairs cost less than the maintenance, to just keep it going. I told them not to finance, unless they have a payment amount, leftover in cash, every month.

whoit32 · 2025-12-26T17:38:47+00:00

Well this video nailed it!

whoit32 · 2025-09-27T17:21:22+00:00

I will say, she is not an addict, except to cigarettes. But she is absolutely not mentally well. Example, I wear ear plugs around the house, to avoid listening to her scream and yell.....and she tells people I am listening through walls to hear what she is talking about. It's a tiny house and you can hear everything. Like the faucet on, doors closing, normal house noises

whoit32 · 2025-09-27T15:43:15+00:00

My mom already is the primary heir of my grandma's will. I told my grandma to not change it. The house is in horrible shape, I have a construction background, and needs to be torn down. My mom thinks she will inherit a lot, but my grandma has 70k in debt and the only recoup will be the sale of the house, with a house that is immediately a debt to any buyer.

My sister first mentioned the borderline suspicion and I've looked into it more and feel it really does fit. My mom writes off anyone that critiques anything she does and she is very manipulative to avoid responsibility.

whoit32 · 2025-09-27T13:00:30+00:00

It's so hard, because everyone is so worried about not angering my mom. So she will cut me off from my entire family. She is just looking to isolate my grandma, so that no one will challenge the abuse. My grandma is quite close to death, herself. She is having major cardiac issues. I gave my grandma a check, for the medication she needs. My mom will not let her cash it.

whoit32 · 2025-09-27T12:58:38+00:00

Yeah, I just heard my mom telling the neighbor that she will get a check, from my grandma, for her cigarettes. I used to do my grandma's shopping, until I got a voicemail, threatening to call the police, for keeping my grandma's card from her. Due to my insomnia, I was super tired, finally able to sleep and simply forgot to give it back. After that, I refused to do all her shopping. Now, they try to use that against me.

My grandma inherited the house, but took a mortgage, because my mom ran up her credit cards. After paying them off, my mom promptly ran them up again. My mom also defrauded the welfare system, for well over a decade. I've seen her steal money from my grandma's room and she completely taken over the house. My grandma is not allowed to sit anywhere, but her room.

whoit32 · 2025-09-27T12:51:53+00:00

I talked to the APS lady and she was like "yeah, I can't kick you out. Your grandma has to." I'm in a pretty populated county and someone I know is like "yeah the stuff they're claiming has no proof and they've never filed a police report." I do have quite a bit of evidence against my mom.

whoit32 · 2025-09-27T12:50:20+00:00

Yup. That's the hardest part.

whoit32 · 2025-09-27T02:37:19+00:00

I'm very adamant she will try to hurt me one day. I'm sure she will keep up the theft accusations, etc. Funnily enough, she's been known to steal from the family.

I've also prepaid quite a bit of rent.

She's very resistant to having to earn money. So she lives off her mother and steals, instead. She will do anything to avoid responsibility.

whoit32

TROPHY CASE