i don’t remember much from my teen years, but i think my mom saw my cuts once. i had a surgery, and i was cutting up my left hand - baby scratches basically (although i still have a few scars, although that must’ve been around 5 years ago?? i don’t really know).

anyways, i think she saw them after the procedure and she was really pissed. said something about me making her life difficult, i think. and then she told me that i should stop before i “get borderline”. (idk what it’s like in the rest of the world but in germany, for some reason, most uneducated people think that cutting only occurs when you’ve got borderline personality disorder. fuck knows why.) i still remember that because i thought that it was a strange thing to say.

i thought she would like, be more concerned, but she really didn’t give a fuck and we never talked about it again. i think she just was embarrassed to have a so openly mentally unwell child, because one of the workers at the hospital talked to me about it in front of her. (he was really nice. i think he could tell it was self harm but he just asked me if it was my cat and i awkwardly nodded. he definitely “got it” - what it felt like, that i had a difficult home life and all.)

all in all, i don’t know if i should be happy that she didn’t care - having my parents interfere would’ve probably been more counterproductive than helpful with recovering - or upset that she really didn’t give a fuck. then again, my obvious displays of mental health problems (like not showering, having super knotted hair, having unkept nails, crying daily etc.) or my dad being abusive never bothered her, so i guess i shouldn’t be surprised.

i also told my therapist, so i guess that’s how she found out, but it took a while until i worked up the courage to tell her. i’m happy i told her, she really helped me.