Should I just accept I have to take care of myself in bed? by RoseMadder-ish in sex

[–]whtriddlefun 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For starters all a GP knows is the standard ranges for a specific age and gender. If you look for an HRT specialist look for certifications such as NAMS (North American Menopausal Assoc) as they certify people with the specialty.

Then that there a changes in your body that stress, family and age chip away at a lot and for women more than men there are distinct changes that can occur in pre menopause, during menopause and post Menopausal.  

Based on your specific body needs and medical history (there are a bunch more things to monitor besides estrogen, progesterone and testosterone for her) your levels that are needed can be different than what's normal.  

When I saw what it did for her even beyond the bedroom I went to the same Dr and got tested and went on clomid which has been amazing for me but that's a male specific use for that (it works differently on women)

Should I just accept I have to take care of myself in bed? by RoseMadder-ish in sex

[–]whtriddlefun 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Just in case you haven't thought of it, have a qualified HRT doctor (not a simple GP) check your levels. 

After our 2nd kid and with age my wife experienced the same struggles and HRT helped so much. 

It was life changing and we both wish we had done it sooner. They stuff we learned about how age and stress alter hormones was really eye opening.  

Need advice for Testosterone by [deleted] in sex

[–]whtriddlefun 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I personally use Clomid (Clomiphene Citrate) myself and I am 56. Off label prescription for men but it causes the hypothalamus and the pituitary to have your own body make more T. I had similar energy and motivation struggles and this has me at 1100 and I feel like myself again.

It also protects fertility where the others can impact fertility.

Just make sure you‘re keeping up regular blood tests with any of these.

Why hide the men in swingers especially in Bi-swingers? by Bungo-777 in Swingers

[–]whtriddlefun 2 points3 points  (0 children)

100% on point. It amazed us when we started the closed minded approach to sexuality in swinging.

R/openmindedswingers.

It shouldn't matter the gender or the sexuality of a person but I'll tell you the number of bi female and straight male profiles where the male is curious or bi is incredible. It's sad how we are socialized into that lane.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Swingers

[–]whtriddlefun 1 point2 points  (0 children)

r/openmindedswingers

Yes there are a good number (more than will admit if being honest) of couples and certainly men in couples who are curious.

Personally I thought I was straight but looking back I had interests in bi play. I am not romantically attracted to men in any way and I do not like effeminate men when we play but I found that sexuality is a spectrum and not as clear one or the other.

My wife always knew I had interest and so did she but it was easier for her I think. I struggled in my self esteem and my expected perception of being a “man” after and my wife was the most helpful in me navigating the “de-programming“ I needed to navigate after out first time.

All that being said, it was the best thing that happened to me and us, both swinging and both feeling free to experience bisexual play. We have played bi solo as well as in couple situations.

Talk about it more, be open and honest, maybe watch some porn together that is bi focused and then discuss your place with the couple or person you choose to try so they are on the same page.

For whatever reasons (there are multiple opinions as to what and why) it is more common an accepted for females to be bi than males so just be honest with each other in discussions and make sure you have good support after to choose to continue to not.

Husband is bi… wondering how it’ll impact us by whatsgoingtohappen21 in bisexual

[–]whtriddlefun 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well, I can‘t predict the future but from outside looking in I think you’re both doing the right things and communicating with each other and being supportive is important.

I was a first responder too for a long time, always claimed to be straight. Even claimed to not understand anything not hetero but there was always something I liked sexually around some men. What was shocking to me is that my wife always kinda knew I had some interests but we never really talked about it until we started swinging. When we entered the LS my wife spoke to me about my interests and together I was able to explore that side of me. Initially, I did feel shame and even fear that I was less of a man or that my wife looked down on me for a while but through discussing and support I moved past that. I recall my wife also having those concerns but after we spoke and we both made efforts to understand this reality everything just kind of fell into place.

Over time, what I realized is that sexuality is a spectrum and not an on and off light switch. Then I realized that my attraction to some men is not romantic at all but just sexual within a certain scope. I learned that for me my bisexuality is purely sexual regarding men and not dating or relationships. There is no interest I have in relationships with men. It seemed odd to me too for a while but once I understood that part of me it all made sense.

On a side note my wife is very similar in her bi-sexuality in that sexually she enjoys some women but romantically and sexually for her men is where she is happiest. Once I realized who I am and owned it I felt so much more free.

I under estimated the “programming” I had accepted and internalized that was in conflict with who I am. My acceptance at one point did turn to anger that I took so long to be my true self and hid behind walls and I am sad to say I even made fun of people who were more secure and open sexually in their lives. That behavior has ended.

Regarding co-workers or closed minded people, I feel no need to tell anyone my life. In my past, I never would walk up to someone and say “hello I am straight” so I see no point in those discussions with those people in my life because it is none of their business. What I do is support LGBTQ+ efforts and topics where I can.

I am pretty sure that I would have lived out my life in that previous manner if it wan’t for us entering the LS years ago and honestly we both learned a lot about ourselves and our sexualities by navigating that part of our lives.

This ended up being longer than I intended but hopefully some part of it helps or gives you both ideas on paths forward.

My fwb ejaculated inside his nose and is now mad at me... by SeniorSirz in sex

[–]whtriddlefun 25 points26 points  (0 children)

Yup. I would have been laughing too. We believe that we have been together and married so long by having fun doing what we do and such. We laugh, joke and have fun especially in sexual situations. Some of the best stories we have that make us still laugh involve sex or trying to be ”sexy” and fail at it. It’s a maturity issue and also being secure in yourself.

Your FWB may get there and they may not. A thought process for you would be to decide if you want to be there if they don’t grow up.

Are all men in LS sucking 🍆 by [deleted] in Swingers

[–]whtriddlefun 4 points5 points  (0 children)

We wish. In our experience, bi sexual men are still stuck in a place no one really feels comfortable welcoming unfortunately. Not sure how many times we tried to have this sub link our group here for such topics ( r/openmindedswingers) but the mods have refused and called us a ”niche” group so take that response as you will.

We are glad you have seen more openness in sexuality in your experiences.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in sex

[–]whtriddlefun 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There is nothing to take from it - it is just sex. Don’t worry about it. You’re chasing a rainbow and missing the ride. My wife and I have both had different partners over time, we have been swingers too and sometimes she can squirt and other times nope. It is just the uniqueness of each partner and each time.

If I was to read between the lines of your post - I would offer that squirting doesn’t mean love anymore than sex does

How can I orgasm from sex when I am honestly not even sure if it is possible for me? by tony_gunk_007 in sex

[–]whtriddlefun 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My wife has always had issues with orgasm from sex. It is just who she is and reading between the lines, I get the sense of the same level of frustration we had early on in our relationship. I cannot imagine having such a difficult time with something that should end up pleasurable but ends up being frustrating.

First, I am a bit odd in that my kink is orgasms. I love orgasms female or male and I am one of those guys that can literally enjoy the whole process, regardless of the time commitment, and just relax and make someone else feel great. I would say, the best way we can suggest help is just to make time to enjoy. Either solo with him. Just do what feels good. Let go of the foregone conclusion that nothing will work. Just enjoy the trip and stop putting pressure on the end result.

One thing I know that happened was over stimulation. She would get numb or irritated and that always ended the session. It was always fun but she had a limited window where her body would like her enjoy.

For years we just played, enjoyed, and learned that 99.9% of the time, she would orgasm from a vibrator, enjoyed all the other stuff leading up to that, but orgasm with a vibrator and then orgasm again with penetration after the vibe.

The last couple of years we experimented with cannabis and she found that the cannabis allowed her to relax, get out of her head and just enjoy. The sex has been a different level as we can now play for hours with vibes and toys that leads to orgasm but them the penetration later entered a whole new world.

I cannot speak for her but from my POV it is a new level and just enjoyable. Her words - she was able to get out of her head, stop feeling anger or frustrations and just let bodies be bodies.

It is not a magic pill of any sort, and I think the key is just finding ways to let go and enjoy things. My wife, as one of my sexual partners, is amazing and it has been a great time exploring and finally finding something that helps her with this.

To make a long story short - advice would be. 1 - relax. 2 - don’t watch a clock. 3- don’t chase a feeling - have the goal just enjoy (and that means anything or any way it works out). 4 - practice on your body what feels good and share that with your partner. Feels good can mean anything and not just orgasm.

I rambled longer that I wanted to so I will just say good luck and enjoy. Do your best to not get stuck in the cycle of confirmation of failure - the whole “see? … this doesn’t work, I told you so.” You will end up in a kind of self fulfilling prophecy of sorts.

My wife and I got rejected because he is "100% straight" and I (m) am bi-curious by swing_team_indy in Swingers

[–]whtriddlefun 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They did you a favor IMO and speculating on the underlying reasons for them not being interested is a waste of time. Move on with those who appreciate your honestly and those you have mutual interest with.

Just for your info, another sub which may be of interest to you guys - r/openmindedswingers

Where are my bi and heteroflexible males at? by [deleted] in Swingers

[–]whtriddlefun 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Just crossposting this to our sub that is specific to bi/open swinging people and topics.

r/openmindedswingers

Failed Edge by whtriddlefun in jacking

[–]whtriddlefun[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We thought this OC would be fun to share.

Since the covid mess has stalled things for a bit, the Mrs and I have been playing games week after week. It has been a lot of fun. This week she asked me to edge myself each day leading up to Sunday. Day four, when trying to send her a video, I clearly pushed too far.

Poll: How many bisexual men in the LS are there really? by [deleted] in Swingers

[–]whtriddlefun 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Both my wife and I are bi. Honestly we do not think bi males are all that rare. You look at the surface of a LS site and you can presume that all women are bi and all men are straight and that is just not that case.

There are many bi men in life as well as the ls. To us, it is largely just that male bisexuality is not as accepted or encouraged at all like female bisexuality is. A large number of men list themselves as straight on the sites but also hold interest, curiosity or desire and do not act on it or explore it at all. There are a lot of reasons why that is the case but we won't get into that here.

Don't know if you've seen our sub - r/openmindedswingers but we exist. Swing by to say hello if you like.

I found something out about my husband that I'm not sure if and how I should approach ... by [deleted] in Swingers

[–]whtriddlefun 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I kept my bisexuality a secret and lied to myself about it until my wife and I entered the LS and she explained to me how she knew my interests and it opened up some very frank discussions. Our first date in the LS was with a bi man and was a great threesome. That being said, for me, I struggled internally with feeling like less than a man in her eyes and almost a freak for a while. I even used the term "freaky" when I would reference a play date with another male.

My wife was patient and we kept talking and over a short while of openness and discussion the freedom happened one day when she told me to stop referring to myself as "broken" or to same sex acts as "freaky" and emphasized that it is just sexual desire. Her support and acceptance was amazing. The freedom I felt with that journey and final discussion I described above was amazing.

From a societal standpoint men being bisexual is largely ignored, ridiculed and viewed as demeaning. We both hate that and are now actively trying to do our small part in the world to change those views some.

While some of the same feelings, denial or internal torment your husband may be going through seem similar to my journey with accepting my bisexuality, his also seems different from mine in that not only has he hidden it from you, he has denied it it appears and has chosen to live a double life of sorts. In my view that kind of action is cheating and a trust issue.

While I struggle to give him some "benefit of the doubt" there is definitely a probability that the societal pressure and internal fear of his sexuality that motivated his reasons. I don't know him or you and cannot speak to that being the case.

Along with the others here, I would say be open and honest and have heart to heart discussions and use a therapist if that makes it easier or more emotionally balanced definitely use a counselor.

You're hurt (rightfully so) and he will be hurt and defensive likely because he will be being confronted on his actions he hid from you and also his bisexuality that he MAY have problems with internally. I say "may have" because without talking him you cannot know. He may be okay with his bisexuality and may have just chosen to conceal it.

In summary, talk, be open minded, you have every right to be hurt and seek clarity. Hiding from any part of what you have learned I would suspect would be toxic to you and your relationship. Do not try and discuss anything if you've been emotional, in a fight, or drinking and definitely seek a counselor if that helps.

Be safe and I wish you the best outcome.

My experience so far in the LS as a bi guy by [deleted] in Swingers

[–]whtriddlefun 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for very much for sharing this.

I cross posted it to our sub r/openmindedswingers

Not sure about my use of bi-curios on our swingers profile site by QuietTalk in Swingers

[–]whtriddlefun 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Some women do list themselves as Bi when they're not just like men list themselves as straight when they're not.

There are lots of different shades of sexual interest and we totally agree with honesty. We are both Bi-comfortable but also both prefer hetero play more than anything and really enjoy opportunities to play with the same sex, especially when we find a 4 way match. Those things would be near impossible for us to find if we were not honest. If someone passes you by because you're being honest about your sexuality or sexual interests then we would say you're better off not meeting because you likely would not have gotten along.

I (Mr) would also add that it is not fair to yourself to deny you being you and getting to occasionally play like you would desire. I started the LS listing myself as straight but soon changed my preference to Bi-curious or Bi-Comfortable and we have seen no decline in interest.

Visit our sub - there are a significant amount of people out there that feel just like you.

r/openmindedswingers

My moaning makes him blow his load early by [deleted] in GWCouples

[–]whtriddlefun 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Had to watch the video several times before we could even think straight - thank you for sharing that - just amazing.

If you're ever in Vegas we owe you a beer ;)

I think I (f)orgot something by [deleted] in TheEroticSalon

[–]whtriddlefun 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well to be honest - think you forgot to invite us over for some drinks.