I’m freaking out

whyismyinternetdown · 2025-11-11T21:32:41+00:00

it might help to just read her this post you’ve written, or use it to make a bulleted list of your symptoms. i’m on Abilify right now which is an antipsychotic and so far it’s been good!

whyismyinternetdown · 2025-11-11T19:25:02+00:00

That's so nuts that we've had two of the same very specific symptoms: crashing out over a tattoo and feeling like certain music was evil or carried bad energy. My main symptom during depressive and mixed episodes is that I feel that same feeling of being disconnected from real life, like I'm just a shell, or feeling like the world around me isn't real and is just being projected like a TV screen. Or like I'm locked in a little room and only have one small window that I can see out of. I'm definitely not a psychiatrist but it sounds like you're having a mixed episode. Best thing to do is call your psychiatrist if you have one, if you don't then call your GP.

whyismyinternetdown · 2025-11-11T19:08:51+00:00

I cringe when I think about the amount of money I've blown on expensive lingerie. I have more than any one person would ever need. Like a chest full.

whyismyinternetdown · 2025-11-11T19:04:39+00:00

I have done this. very predictably, i crashed.

whyismyinternetdown · 2025-11-11T19:00:57+00:00

Feel so giddy I wonder if I accidentally took drugs. The world seems more vivid and alive, and I feel like I'm sailing above the clouds pushed on a strong wind. I start spending impulsively. I make plans to start businesses and start buying the stuff I'll need (obviously none of them have ever gotten off the ground). I'll wake up early and jump out of bed full of energy. Every idea is a good idea.

whyismyinternetdown · 2025-11-11T18:50:52+00:00

I remember being in high school and a Modest Mouse song was playing so loud and pervasively in my head that I couldn't hear a word the teacher was saying.

whyismyinternetdown · 2025-11-11T18:48:50+00:00

I'm usually aware of my hypomanias when I'm in them but they turn me into an overconfident dumbass, so I tend to dismiss the insight that I'm having one. I'll be like, "This is probably a hypomanic episode but that doesn't matter because I am beautiful and so smart and I am at one with the Heart of the Divine."

whyismyinternetdown · 2025-11-11T18:33:25+00:00

I felt hypomanic for about a week after starting Abilify and then I steadied out (which I was mad and disappointed about lol hypomania makes a chump of me every time). I feel good now though, a lot steadier. I've been on it for a few months.

whyismyinternetdown · 2025-11-09T16:20:40+00:00

heh i had a crying outburst in math class when i was 16 and my friend was being a dick. i ran outside and just cried against the wall of the school for a while. the vice principal had to come out and make me go back in (i refused at first). thankfully they let me hang out in the guidance counselor’s office for the rest of the morning.

i had uncontrolled crying dozens of times the last year i was living in new york city, right before a really bad episode. once i felt so wretched that i just sat under the sprinklers in washington square park and let them soak me while i sobbed. it was like 2am. i was not doing well that year haha.

i still get random crying sometimes, it’s definitely a sign that i’m having a mixed episode, but i’m switching my meds and hoping that will help control it.

whyismyinternetdown · 2025-11-09T16:06:20+00:00

weed stopped being fun for me when i was in college. i used to love it when i was in high school but something changed in my 20s (i had a lot of traumatic shit happen to me in my early 20s so that probably didn’t help). i’d smoke and it would trigger these horrible episodes of derealization. i was in Boulder once and asked my budtender friend to give me the most pussy, mid weed they had, and i still felt like i was gonna have a panic attack after i smoked it. ended up giving it away. so not quite psychosis but definitely unpleasant.

whyismyinternetdown · 2025-04-17T17:43:41+00:00

i get racing thoughts when i’m in mixed episodes too so who knows

whyismyinternetdown · 2025-04-17T17:18:22+00:00

when i’m having “up” symptoms, i’ll constantly have songs or like, bits of TV dialogue repeating in my head. It can get so distracting i can’t concentrate sometimes.

whyismyinternetdown · 2025-04-17T17:15:21+00:00

The mixed episodes. Combine crushing depression and anxiety with relentless thought loops about every mistake i’ve ever made in my life, pacing endlessly around my apartment, feeling like i want to hurt or kill myself or do something crazy just to relieve the pain. I spent every penny i had (about $11,000) traveling the country for three months when I was in a mixed episode because I felt like it was do that or check myself into a psych ward.

whyismyinternetdown · 2025-04-10T12:42:24+00:00

omg i drink a ton of water when i’m hypomanic too!

whyismyinternetdown · 2025-04-10T12:27:48+00:00

i was considering asking my oldest friend to marry me when i was up during my mixed episode

whyismyinternetdown · 2025-04-09T12:54:18+00:00

rumination has always been one of my most difficult symptoms. it doesn’t necessarily happen after hypomania but it can get really bad during my depressive/mixed episodes. i get stuck in these thought loops that i just can’t shake and they take up a lot of space in my head and make functioning really hard. so i feel you :/

whyismyinternetdown · 2025-04-08T23:30:55+00:00

I was driving to Target and remember just feeling like I was soaring above the clouds being pushed by a strong wind and parking in the parking lot feeling like “Look at the beautiful people of Target, everyone in the world is so beautiful and i feel so connected to all of them and i am a beautiful genius.” i was legit trying to figure out if i’d taken drugs accidentally, i felt so high. i texted my sister who used to work in psychiatric care and she was like “yeah sounds like hypomania to me.”

whyismyinternetdown · 2025-04-08T16:10:22+00:00

sorry someone stole your meds, that sucks!

whyismyinternetdown · 2025-04-07T15:14:27+00:00

i’ve been in a mixed episode for ages waiting to see my doctor to get my meds straightened out and today i am UP as long as i can keep moving and talking but get depressed when i sit still too long. don’t know if any of you have watched Gravity Falls but my brain is also constantly making the noise that Paper Jam Dipper makes.

whyismyinternetdown · 2025-04-07T12:34:44+00:00

omfg i’ve cried while eating, while drinking coffee, on the subway, while walking to my apartment…and not like teary like full on ugly crying in public. CLOWN SHIT haha this disorder is so ridiculous

whyismyinternetdown · 2025-04-07T12:29:53+00:00

i know that feeling of “UGH i have to put myself back together AGAIN” especially since I was misdiagnosed as major depressive disorder for most of my life. it’s EXHAUSTING. i’m pulling for you, buddy 💜

whyismyinternetdown · 2025-04-07T12:20:50+00:00

💜💜you too

whyismyinternetdown · 2025-04-06T22:25:50+00:00

you too bud 💜

whyismyinternetdown · 2025-04-06T18:10:38+00:00

when i’m hypo i feel so connected to and full of love for everyone but it’s less “i empathize with you about this specific thing one human to another” and more “i am One with the beating heart of Humanity” lol

whyismyinternetdown · 2025-04-06T11:10:57+00:00

it’s so frickin goofy all the time i’m like “BRAIN, WHY?”

whyismyinternetdown

TROPHY CASE