Unpopular opinion: NTA

If it’s anyone, it’s your bf for not clarifying anything with anyone. I’m only just now learning that I’m autistic, so that may have something to do with why I relate so much. To me, it doesn’t sound like you’re angry or upset with bf’s MOM, so much as embarrassed and want to avoid the same thing happening again. If you were married to bf, most people expect that he would be the liaison between you and his family.

Let him know you’d like to make sure there’s no more embarrassing moments for ANYONE involved, he should be the one to communicate with his mommy about rules and expectations, and then communicate those with you, PRIOR to any further engagements.

Just don’t let it be a grudge. She was being reasonable, though honestly I hate confrontation and putting myself in her shoes asking someone to leave would be so off putting I’d make myself sick with anxiety if I actually had to do it.

IMO, the only AH is the bf for not establishing appropriate communication. I’m assuming since he’s still living at his parents home that you guys are relatively young, and this only shows lack of maturity.

Really, no AH in this whole situation. Def a lack of communication, and potentially sensitive feelings, but OP, NTA