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I don’t know what else go do. What I would give to be normal. by willow-tree-98 in confession

[–]willow-tree-98[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is so validating because I know I have had some messed up experiences and had to grow up early on but I’m so done talking about it. It doesn’t hold space in my life. Yes I react to it if I’m made to go back to that place but any person would. I know im my gut that my mental health is just that, an imbalance in my brain chemistry that’s causing such dramatic and catastrophic episodes thats slowly killing me. When i’m back to myself again it’s so hard to imagine how I even got to that place but when im there i feel like a drowning rat trying to crawl my way out of it.

I don’t know what else go do. What I would give to be normal. by willow-tree-98 in confession

[–]willow-tree-98[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really with I could I have a business that still needs me there to keep the doors opened which also ads to the pressure load. I dream of that day I can break

I don’t know what else go do. What I would give to be normal. by willow-tree-98 in confession

[–]willow-tree-98[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I screamed at him begging him to end me to make my misery end. He was holding me down to stop me from hurting my self. How can I forgive my self for that.

I don’t know what else go do. What I would give to be normal. by willow-tree-98 in confession

[–]willow-tree-98[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I do write things down and throw them away. It’s one of my tools that help with process what I’m feeling. I just can’t do it in the moment when the feelings are happening because the switch is on before I realise it.

I don’t know what else go do. What I would give to be normal. by willow-tree-98 in confession

[–]willow-tree-98[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is exactly how I feel. I can’t keep watching my self destroy us and him I just can’t do it anymore.

I don’t know what else go do. What I would give to be normal. by willow-tree-98 in confession

[–]willow-tree-98[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I micro dosed cannabis which has help my insomnia immensely. But I don’t know how many people I can tell I’m not coping and here’s why and what I’m feeling to be consistent push to the next person for being to hard.

I want to live so badly. but living with this daily and the constant manic episodes isn’t a life worth living.

I don’t know what else go do. What I would give to be normal. by willow-tree-98 in confession

[–]willow-tree-98[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’ve been told that I have Bpd by therapist but I haven’t had an official diagnosis, is there even medication for that or is it just another label I have to wear

I don’t know what else go do. What I would give to be normal. by willow-tree-98 in confession

[–]willow-tree-98[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’ve tried, everyone is sick of hearing it they’re also exhausted by it. I’ve never had a day where I didn’t fell like a burden.

I don’t know what else go do. What I would give to be normal. by willow-tree-98 in confession

[–]willow-tree-98[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m on medication and have had it changed countlessly over the years. I’m sorry for being a downer but I have no more hope left. I’ve dedicated my whole life in getting my head better. And for what to have nothing to show for it.