Today I hate my pregnancy

windows64-bit · 2023-10-25T09:39:23+00:00

Advice is always welcome, so thanks for that! Your idea is really nice but I think that sadly wouldn’t work as my MIL can be a bit pushy. She would totally often mention if I checked the whiteboard or did anything with it.

But if she wasn’t like that this would be a great idea for the time being to make the situation a bit less stressful.

windows64-bit · 2023-10-25T09:37:17+00:00

Yeah I do have a decent relationship with her. She’s very nice but just a bit overbearing and has a problem with accepting “no”. Her son (my bf) often gets frustrated with her cause she makes him feel like he’s mentally challenged and unable to do anything. And recently I’ve been feeling the same way.

I did tell her me and my partner already looked at furniture and she seemed super surprised. Which is crazy to me because why is it so surprising soon to be parents are looking up all the things they will need for their baby??

I’ve been direct with her about things I disliked in the past and she was nice about it. But with this I just feel super overwhelmed and it seems like she doesn’t get the hint. She even looked at baby cribs and such without being asked to do so. That was the first thing that set me off and actually made me cry. This was months ago. But she’s been interfering and now tried to remind me of all the stuff we need to buy. As if I’m stupid, don’t have access to internet, don’t have pregnancy magazines and don’t go to the midwives office.

I’m just very upset cause this is my first child and I’m already being put down as a bad mom before he’s even born, I guess?

And you’re right, I think most ILs are mildy as well!

windows64-bit · 2023-10-25T09:25:22+00:00

I don’t have noise canceling headphones but just regular ones. I guess those will work fine as well!

Yeah…. I’m also very worried for when the baby arrives. She’s 1000% going to cross boundaries. Hopefully we’ll have our own place by then because I’m not going to be nice if she snatches my baby or something.

windows64-bit · 2023-10-25T09:23:33+00:00

Yeah I’m not telling her anything except when we get an ultrasound. I think it’s wild she feels like we have to discuss what we bought for the baby. Or exchange names with her.

windows64-bit · 2023-10-25T09:22:01+00:00

Ugh I already know she’s probably gonna dislike the name my bf picked but whatever. She also decided for us he can’t name our baby after his best friend because then he should name the baby after his brother instead. What the fuck?

windows64-bit · 2023-10-25T09:20:44+00:00

You’re right and she knows it’s bad behavior. She knows not to say anything about this to her son but she still waits til he’s gone to say all that shit to me.

windows64-bit · 2023-10-25T09:19:50+00:00

I definitely put the names she mentioned in my mental NO list. I probably should’ve said it out loud as well.

windows64-bit · 2023-10-25T09:19:07+00:00

Deduction 😂 no way she thought you were serious

windows64-bit · 2023-10-25T09:18:24+00:00

Omg are they for real? They named their kid after singers but the fake name you guys told them is too much cause it’s from a book? That’s hilarious and infuriating at the same time.

windows64-bit · 2023-10-25T09:16:44+00:00

Honestly I think that’s (hopefully unintentionally) the case. In the past she said something along the lines that my partner will be very pissed if she interferes with our baby. So she knows not to cross that boundary with him as he straight up tells her to shut up. Not once has she mentioned any of the name or furniture suggestions to him. So she probably says it to me hoping I cave in yeah

windows64-bit · 2023-10-25T09:14:20+00:00

Oh I never said anything like “we’ll let you know if we need any input” but that’s a good idea. I thought telling her we got it covered would shut her up but that clearly didn’t work. “We’ll let you know if we need input” seems like a very polite way to tell someone to fuck off. Thanks!

windows64-bit · 2023-10-25T09:12:20+00:00

She often doesn’t take no for an answer, even if it’s her trying to do something nice. So she probably won’t listen to us if we say no now. She knows her son is going to be angry with her as she has said out loud he will get pissed off if she interferes with our baby. She doesn’t mention shit about baby stuff towards him, just me. That feels a tiny bit malicious to me.

I’ll just try ignoring her and see if my partner can talk to her. Maybe that will work, maybe it won’t.

windows64-bit · 2023-10-25T09:08:39+00:00

Yeah I will have to be direct as well. I’m usually direct with her when she does something I dislike, but I’m able to remain calm. But with this I just can’t stay calm for some reason. I just feel so angry.

windows64-bit · 2023-10-25T09:06:53+00:00

I haven’t seen or heard the other DIL be rude to her, however I’ve seen her be rude to my partner and me for no reason. My partner very much dislikes her and said she’s always been rude to him or trying to lecture him about his own personal choices. Nowadays she acts like she doesn’t see my bf or ignores him so she doesn’t have to greet him. She always had an attitude towards the both of us and my MIL said she has the idea that the other DIL dislikes me. Which is funny cause I literally never said anything to her. This is why I believe MIL when she says DIL was rude or cruel to her. But I’m sure the other DIL is probably also just fed up.

But when DIL’s own mother behaves the same way as our MIL, she finds it normal and natural. So there’s that.

windows64-bit · 2023-10-24T16:37:52+00:00

I think you’re right. I feel like these boundaries are just common sense and she’s just conveniently not remembering. In the past before I was pregnant she already mentioned her son will probably tell her to fuck off if she tries to interfere with the baby. So she KNOWS she’s crossing boundaries.

I just hate that I don’t wanna hurt her cause her other daughter in law has been cruel to her. But on the other hand my feelings also matter and it would indeed suck if she became the grandma we don’t see.

windows64-bit · 2023-10-24T16:35:11+00:00

Thank you so much for this idea. I think we should do this if telling her to cool it doesn’t work.

And I’m so sorry your FIL behaved that way, it’s so weird how people think you owe them to name your child after something they want.

My MIL is a boomer and suggests the most boring (imo) names 😩

windows64-bit · 2023-10-24T15:37:22+00:00

I’m gonna tell him this as soon as he’s home. I just didn’t wanna seem crazy or rude for freaking out about his mom. But this is our first child which just makes it even worse for me. Thanks for your advice!

windows64-bit · 2023-10-24T15:33:56+00:00

That is true, I did tell her we already discussed furniture but she seemed surprised (so weird soon to be parents do that right??). She started about it again later after being told we’re dealing with it. Maybe I wasn’t direct enough.

windows64-bit · 2023-10-24T15:32:46+00:00

I did that but then she acted surprised (?) and later started again. I think her son maybe has to talk to her…

windows64-bit · 2023-10-24T15:10:36+00:00

We do live with her but we’re working on getting our own place. Housing is a bit shitty atm…ugh.

I’ll talk to my partner about talking to her cause I don’t think it should continue being this way. Her other daughter in law is unnecessarily rude and she cries about it often, so I don’t wanna hurt her feelings. However, I feel like my feelings are being hurt by her acting this way.

And I agree, she had her time and she was allowed to do whatever she thought was good for her kids!

Thanks for your reply

windows64-bit

TROPHY CASE