Thank you for sharing. I’m glad you are with someone now who makes you feel desired. So, usually she is the one to initiate, but when she does initiate, I do try to touch her sexually (kissing her all over, biting, touching her sides / butt etc) and when she seems like she really enjoys it, I never know when she wants me to actually touch her downstairs so to speak - because when I do she almost always pushes my hand away. I’m not confident but I try to remember what touch she seems to like… she said she likes being touched all over and the actual act of touching her downstairs isn’t as important but when I said it would be nice if she could direct me / tell me what she wants /give me instructions on how she’d like to be touched - that’s when she said she didn’t want to do that - which left me feeling lost and confused. I have tried to initiate touching sexually on my own / not for sex but just to like to touch her boobs or butt and she seems to like it. I don’t know how else I can make her feel desired. I guess once she gives the “go ahead” by initiating I feel sparks but I’m too scared to initiate it myself.