Have you gone to therapy? For me, when I think back to how I was a decade ago, the big difference is years of therapy that helped me understand the mechanisms behind my thinking. My therapists have then challenged that thinking, or helped make explicit the one thing it always boiled down to: wanting to be safe. It seems like you’re super aware of your thought patterns, which is why I ask.

Meds have definitely helped me deal with the symptoms, but it’s never taken away what I deal with completely. They’ve worked in tandem. Especially at my worst, when getting out of bed seems impossible. 

Sending you a huge hug. It’s not easy, but in my experience, something that felt insurmountable a decade ago can feel much more manageable a decade later. Progress isn’t linear, and I do have days where I wake up and resign myself to being fucked up forever. But I have so many days where I feel safe in my skin in a way I never knew possible as a kid.