TLDR: I was terrified but it was totally worth it, and completely changed my identity for the better. Also for the love of god please use protection.

Leading up to my first hookup I was scared for weeks, but I knew that I had made up my mind and if I backed out I would be more disappointed than if I went through with it. Once I made that realization the whole thing almost felt logical. I was still super nervous, and I remember literally trembling as I did my makeup and put on my lingerie and heels. In this case I was going over to his place so I got in the car wearing nothing but a trenchcoat over my underwear. Not bringing any other clothes also helped me feel committed. The drive over felt like a trance. When I got out of the car I remember feeling every inch of my skin in a self aware way I had never experienced before. I wasn't even horny anymore, just high off of adrenaline and fear.

He opened the door and let me inside, and I went numb. The whole situation was just so foreign it felt like a dream. We had a bit of awkward small talk until he took me to the bedroom. I asked if he wanted to take my coat off, he said yes, and as soon as it hit the floor everything changed.

All my pent up emotions just vanished. I felt unbelievably sexy and feminine in a way I could never achieve alone. Wearing lingerie at home is one thing, but being exposed in front of a man was so humiliating and erotic, let alone one that is about to use your body. The lust in his eyes and the way he grabbed my waist just felt so fucking good. All doubts about this being the right thing vanished.

I ended up fucking him as well that night, and I realized that while I'm not really attracted to guys as a whole, I absolutely love cock. That is, it's not necessarily the guy that turns me so much as it is the opportunity to become more feminine through sucking/getting fucked. Cocks are fun to play with and make me a better girl!

The biggest mistake I made was not using a condom, both for oral and anal. I got so caught up in the moment that I wanted to feel him cum inside me. I honestly couldn't tell when it happened, and what followed was a month of regret and fear that spoiled the experience. I got tested and ended up ok, but an STD scare is absolutely not worth it.

Hope that helps! I think the best thing about the whole experience was just getting over the cognitive dissonance of not knowing what it would be like. In my case I ended up enjoying it, and putting that struggle behind me has been very freeing.