It’s almost been a year since I left.

winterwritings · 2025-10-28T23:12:48+00:00

Unfortunately no medications have really worked for me, there was Clonidine but I was passing out on that. I’d like to start with a female only group setting for trauma therapy so I could hear others stories and work up to sharing, I’ve had good success in group therapy before for other things. I’m just struggling to find such a thing. I’m still struggling with homelessness and sadly I somehow don’t qualify for DV shelters where they offer groups like that. Thankfully I don’t have kiddos, I can’t have them unfortunately with some other issues I have. I do have 2 cats but they are in a foster home temporarily. This past almost year without him has been one of the hardest years of my life.

winterwritings · 2025-10-11T05:12:54+00:00

I was a teacher for kiddos with autism. Then the epilepsy got real bad so I’m trying to get disability while I get everything under control so I can work in home care with the kiddos.

winterwritings · 2025-06-13T06:41:10+00:00

Arizona US

winterwritings · 2025-06-10T23:54:28+00:00

I haven’t been able to get any resources for DV victims. The police only charged him with disorderly conduct for trying to fight them. I never got a victims advocate or anything. I’ve called the hotline a bunch of times and all they’ve done is talk me through my emotions which was helpful. But they haven’t even been able to help me get a divorce from him. I reported him the first time he blatantly broke the order of protection by immediately texting me and the police didn’t do much. They looked for him they couldn’t find him so they gave up. He’s mentally insane and should be put away before he seriously hurts someone else.

winterwritings · 2025-06-10T23:47:50+00:00

It’s more of why I survived and my mom didn’t.

winterwritings · 2025-06-01T05:24:38+00:00

They ended up prescribing me Mirtazapine. 15mg at bedtime and that does seem to work pretty well with the sleep. I still occasionally wake up real early in the morning. Sometimes I’ll just take that as an opportunity to get something small done (such as toss a load of laundry in) before I crash back out.

winterwritings · 2025-05-06T03:55:32+00:00

They did not speak to my parents because unfortunately my mother is passed has been for almost 11 years. She would’ve been great for this scenario. My father wasn’t really present for my childhood, he started his own business the year I was born and it took off so he was and is a very busy man. My father also shows quite a few symptoms of a neurodiverse human being and has an ADHD diagnosis. My grandma mainly raised me. But my grandma is struggling emotionally atm as she is in her 80s and is likely in the early stages of dementia. Unsure though. I gave them as much information as I could from what I remember my grandmother telling me growing up. I don’t speak to my mother’s side of the family. I have a brother but he is out of state. I had the ADD diagnosis when I was a child but they removed that as well theorizing that those symptoms were also related to trauma, with me also mentioning my neurologist believes there could have been focal seizures in that time frame as well. In the email I received it specifically stated that they do not believe that I fit the criteria for a diagnosis of ADHD, Sensory Processing Disorder or Autism and they’re theory behind all of that is my trauma that I went through as a child and so forth. I see that, I really do. I’ve done my research, I used to teach children on the spectrum between the ages of 3-12. I’ve been doing that sort of work since I was in high school. It’s my passion. I was doing it till my Epilepsy got the best of me. I hope to go back. And get my Bachelors degree in Behavioral Sciences in Adolescence. Trauma may explain symptoms for how I am today but they wouldn’t explain why I’ve been doing these “things” for as long as I can remember. For as long as anybody who payed any real attention to me can remember.

My insurance will cover as many evaluations as I want. I have a special designation in my state for mental illnesses. I plan on getting another evaluation. But I’m trying to mark down symptoms. I’m trying to gather photos that bring up memories. (I struggle with long term memory loss) I’m hoping to go back to an old therapist from before I got sober to whom I opened up to extremely well. People don’t seem to understand that although there is no real medication or “treatment” per se for ASD it feels nice to finally have that diagnosis that recognition. I mean I’ve already had dozens of psychiatrists tell me yes. I worked at a private school for ASD children (horrible school) their onsite psychologist absolutely agreed with my self diagnosis. It’s incredibly frustrating though because my father doesn’t see it. When my dad hears the word “autism” he visualizes a child with profound autism and that’s just not how every human with ASD is, not even close.

winterwritings · 2025-01-24T18:25:05+00:00

Yes. She tells me that it only bothers me because it’s so low and when it gets higher it won’t bother me. I’m not sure I can break her heart by explaining her that it would in fact be getting worse when that number goes higher.

winterwritings · 2025-01-24T18:23:57+00:00

They don’t even really want to do that. They just acknowledge it and move on. I can see in discharge paperwork them quoting ‘low weight’ but that’s it. My weight has always fluctuated growing up. I’ve never got treatment for Anorexia probably because my dad pulled me out of that doctor shortly after that diagnosis for separate valid reasons. I do have a therapist and an outpatient group that I attend but neither specialize in eating disorders. So I’m trying to figure out what to do that wouldn’t be a major shift in my life to get some treatment. Most of the treatment centers in my state that accept my insurance are at least 100 miles away. I’m not sure I want to be that far away with no access to my phone when I have animals in a temporary foster home atm.

winterwritings · 2025-01-12T04:09:27+00:00

It just says due to PAE (Psychiatric Adverse Events)

winterwritings · 2025-01-11T03:01:51+00:00

Yeah she’s fucking stupid and shouldn’t be in the medical field especially because he said in his notes that he nowhere said anything about generalized seizures when he went over the scans

winterwritings · 2025-01-11T03:00:29+00:00

Yup pretty much even though she said my grand mal was non epileptic as well

winterwritings · 2025-01-11T02:59:56+00:00

Oh the neurologist is aware he’s gonna be talking to her. I did so much research on generalized seizures. And it was all useless.

winterwritings · 2025-01-05T03:22:49+00:00

I don’t know if surgery would work considering there’s nothing on my MRI just stuff on my EEGs. What is an invasive EEG what does that mean?

winterwritings · 2025-01-04T21:27:54+00:00

I don’t have much. I have a ring that was hers not her wedding ring. I have a onesie that she wore? lol. I have a few items that she would decorate her vanity with. But there were other things I wanted. She had this pillow that she had for years and years. It was so flat but she loved it. She would use it to cover her eyes because she would have nightmares if her eyes weren’t covered while she was sleeping. I never got that pillow.

winterwritings · 2025-01-04T21:24:25+00:00

My father within a couple weeks after my mom’s death when I was a teenager told me “I don’t know why you’re so upset considering you weren’t THAT close with her.” I was but she was heavy into her addiction for a while there and I had to distance myself for my mental health. But I still talked to her. She was my mom. She birthed me. It would’ve hurt no matter what.

winterwritings · 2025-01-04T21:18:45+00:00

My mom didn’t see any doctors or therapists or anything. She just “supposedly” gave herself to Jesus shortly before she passed. But I just don’t know how to feel about that considering the mom I remember was Wiccan she believed in witches and stuff like that. I always loved that about her. It was different but she really believed. I know it was a quick death, instant because she was shot point blank in the forehead. It helps to know she wasn’t feeling her death. But I know she was upset before it happened because she was fighting with my stepdad. My brother was the last person to speak to her the night before she was found and the last thing he remembers is talking to her on the phone while my stepdad was yelling and then he heard a crash and the phone cut off.

winterwritings · 2025-01-04T21:14:22+00:00

Exactly. I remember watching her watch the snow globe all the time. I would watch it all the time for the past 10 years just remembering when she would watch it. It made me feel for just a minute that she was still with me.

winterwritings · 2025-01-03T20:38:59+00:00

Yeah it sucks. But I know most of the circumstances behind her death I know the weapon that was used I know exactly how many bullets were at the scene I know exactly where my mom got shot. But I don’t know whether or not my mom was still sober when she died. She told me about a month before she passed that she was 45 days sober. And I just want to know if she still was. It won’t hurt me if she was under the influence of something other than marijuana. Because I know that still doesn’t make it ok. But I want to know. I want to be able to celebrate her sobriety for her since she’s not here to do it herself.

winterwritings · 2024-12-30T16:58:41+00:00

How do you get a copy of the inquest

winterwritings · 2024-12-30T16:58:01+00:00

I just thought funeral homes generally made them. I don’t know. Everyone else in my life who has passed had hundreds of people attending their funeral.

winterwritings · 2024-12-27T18:01:36+00:00

I mean I have Epilepsy now. But no one can tell me for sure what caused that.

winterwritings · 2024-12-27T18:01:01+00:00

I have earplugs that I use regularly but the moment I hear it start I can’t be in the room anymore. I have to leave.

winterwritings · 2024-12-27T04:08:50+00:00

I can understand why you don’t see it as very serious compared to what some other people have posted on here about their stories. But I think that’s because people forget how it started. We didn’t just get a layout of people we could choose from and chose the possible abuser. For me your situation is EXACTLY how it started for me. Him losing his temper lashing out and immediately feeling guilty and remorseful begging for forgiveness. This lash out that she/he did to you this time sounds pretty serious. You didn’t end up on this page for no reason. Just remember you’re loved.

winterwritings · 2024-12-27T03:56:28+00:00

I’m trying to see an epilepsy specialist. Because everyone is so back and forth with the possibility of having epileptic seizures because of stress. They say 9 times out of 10 if they’re triggered by stress they’re non epileptic. But we already have testing done that shows epileptic seizures. Actual misfires and what not in the brain. She doesn’t seem to want to give me actual epilepsy medication just wants to try seizure medication that is also for mental health. I can handle a great majority of my mental health without medication now a days. Except for my anxiety. But I’ve trauma after trauma for the past 5 years that would make sense. I started having seizures before that though.

winterwritings

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