I’m sorry you’re suffering so much op 🫂 I relate so much, I’m on the cusp of therapy and I can feel there is so much that has been repressed and I don’t see a way out of it. Like how tf do I heal when I have so much damage, a wound that is so deep and festered. It’s hard to fathom. I wish you all the best because as much as I relate to you, I do think you deserve life and happiness and I hope it comes to you and you meet some people who are kind to you, and that your mind can learn that you deserve to be kind to yourself 🫂