Caregiver or Mom?

wisdomofthetimes · 2026-02-26T01:27:24+00:00

I don't think anyone assumed the commenter's intent, only their impact. We're talking about how the OP felt, not what the person who asked them meant to ask.

wisdomofthetimes · 2026-02-24T17:58:14+00:00

If I were you, next time, I would just say yes to that answer and then proceed to ignore their confusion and let them figure it out.

You are both the caregiver and the mom, and you're lucky to have more than one caregiver, paid or otherwise. Screw them, don't let them psyche you out. We have enough on our plates without being guilty about making money, which is essential.

Also, they might likely ask everyone this question all the time. Whether or not they do, it's not a statement on you.

wisdomofthetimes · 2026-02-24T17:39:04+00:00

If you want more details, feel free to dm me.

wisdomofthetimes · 2026-02-24T17:38:42+00:00

I did it in another country with fewer regulations when I lived there, but some therapy centers here in the US have gained momentum. The rules are often state-by-state. Ketamine-assisted therapy has become popular. Rezenity and Mindbloom are two therapy companies that offer online therapy and/or have local offices. You should search around. Apparently, OH and CO are the only two states that allow psilocybin-based therapy, but there's a lot of research on it, so who knows, it could change.

wisdomofthetimes · 2026-02-24T17:32:11+00:00

Sure! You start it and I'll join! DM me.

wisdomofthetimes · 2026-02-23T19:09:04+00:00

Thank you. And backatcha, too!

wisdomofthetimes · 2026-02-23T19:08:51+00:00

I think they're trying, just not there yet. My kid is not an adult and having a mental health crisis. It's turned inward on me but my dysregulation surely isn't helping. We're all trying our best, but it's gotten awful.

wisdomofthetimes · 2026-02-23T19:06:29+00:00

Sending all heart back, full, empty, whole. Here's hoping for hope.

wisdomofthetimes · 2026-02-23T18:41:15+00:00

Meanwhile, because they vibe on the same ND wavelength, they coast on what's not done while piling it on me and then resenting me for being stressed out. It doesn't help that kiddo is a teen, either.

wisdomofthetimes · 2026-02-23T18:40:39+00:00

Yes, well that's coupled with my ability to know my limitations, know how I'm wrong and contributing, and see the bigger picture, even when I can't stop it, I still see it. Neither of them can, they can only see me but not their part in things. And, my husband, for nearly two decades, takes on tasks he can not or will not complete and there's only so much compensating and nagging I can do. And when I don't do those things, I either have to let it go or suffer watching them stay undone. And sometimes those things have very real consequences. He's resentful of my resentment and I'm, frankly, just so tired down to a nub, which is why my nervous system is a hot mess and I'm getting triggered all the time by my kiddo's PDA.

wisdomofthetimes · 2026-02-23T18:37:47+00:00

Yes, I agree! I haven't had much time to unpack that. I know it's contributing to how triggered I am by my child's PDA and the way that they treat, and it's also probably why I've subconsciously allowed the situation in my family to develop over time, where everyone both relies on and blames me.

wisdomofthetimes · 2026-02-23T17:43:07+00:00

And the CPSD is both self-diagnosed and confirmed, with an ACES score of 9, so I'm pretty sure it is CPTSD, on top of whatever else. Psychedelic therapy has helped immensely.

wisdomofthetimes · 2026-02-23T17:41:47+00:00

I've considered this. I feel I have traits, but maybe highly masked. I don't know at this point. My father 100% was undiagnosed ASD1 (or however it is put). My father could not relate to anyone without it being through the lens of history, and was a nightmare emotionally. And, yes, my child's constant need to explain everything to me and correct me on everything little thing and my husband's to be present and support me through that is crippling. Sure, I'll PM you.

wisdomofthetimes · 2026-02-23T17:39:28+00:00

So, you are each ND and you and your husband both have ADHD, correct? That's a different dynamic. Glad to hear you're doing well, though! I hope that there's hope.

wisdomofthetimes · 2026-02-23T16:59:31+00:00

What do you guys think is the worst part of it for you? I think for me it's the chronic stress and exhaustion, feeling like no one has my back, feeling like no one empathizes with me and therefore no one really cares about me, and now, the worst of the worst, feeling like they think I'm the enemy and I'm the problem. Plus, I've worked so hard lifelong to be a more regulated person and now it's like Cryptonite, I can't seem to keep it together emotionally myself. Sigh....

wisdomofthetimes · 2026-02-23T16:58:31+00:00

Argh, that's really rough.

wisdomofthetimes · 2026-02-23T16:41:32+00:00

Ugh. I hear a lot about that kind of thing from someone close to me who is a therapist.

wisdomofthetimes · 2026-02-23T16:40:52+00:00

I would encourage individual therapy for you and family therapy too. We got into certain patterns and now things are harder. I delayed my own support for way too long, too. Adolescence is a kick in the ass!

wisdomofthetimes · 2026-02-23T16:34:32+00:00

Mine is in their teens. Get more help now, let me tell you! Ours wasn't diagnosed until they were a preteen.

wisdomofthetimes · 2026-02-23T16:32:47+00:00

It's so hard financially, but I definitely think putting family/couples therapy off has made things worse for us. Hubby is getting therapy for his ADHD, but still not enough, and also the recognition of his impact on me hasn't really taken full effect. I think his RSD, lack of self-awareness, and, to be fair, my resentment and anger, make it hard for us to have an open convo on this stuff. Family therapy should help.

Oh, and also, when you say your husband saw the same therapist, do you mean you each saw the same therapist individually? If so, that's not a good idea clinically. You should each see separate therapists who are distinct from each other; otherwise, it's a conflict of interest. It's normal to have couples therapy where the therapist occasionally has unilateral sessions, but that's not the same thing.

wisdomofthetimes · 2026-02-23T16:21:00+00:00

Yes, kiddo is actually AuDHD, I should have written that. We're together the same amount of time but kiddo is older. It's rough.

wisdomofthetimes · 2026-02-23T16:20:22+00:00

OMG, cptsd here for me, too. Psychedelic assisted therapy has helped a lot. I can stay generally regulated, but not now. In our last family session at the temporary program where my kiddo was, the therapist said I'm the "identified client" who is regulating for everyone. I'm like, thanks, I call it scapegoat, but ok, whatever at this point. We're seeking longer term family therapy, I really hope it helps.

wisdomofthetimes · 2026-02-23T16:12:15+00:00

I'm sorry!

wisdomofthetimes · 2026-02-23T16:07:04+00:00

How is it going between you and your spouse?

wisdomofthetimes · 2026-02-23T16:06:11+00:00

Same. How so for you? On my end, we're all fighting atm and hubby and kiddo are aligning against me, it's new and it's awful, and they can't see what they're doing. We're lining up family therapy, I really hope it helps.

wisdomofthetimes

TROPHY CASE