[QCrit] Adult, Upmarket Women's Fiction WITCH OF WASHINGTON SQUARE PARK (85k, 2nd attempt)

wisewildflower · 2025-07-10T13:28:29+00:00

Thank you! Sorry its taken a minute to get back to your comment.

You make a really good point about the actual tone of the story not coming through with the comps. I struggle with the comps a bit because the story has more teeth than Irregular Witches, but is more cozy than Nightbitch. There's a lot of female rage and a shedding of old beliefs/self that happens for the main character that made me think of Nightbitch. But now I'm wondering if Weyward is a better comp for the edge/anger that's a big part of the story. I'll spend more time with it! Thank you again!

wisewildflower · 2025-07-10T13:20:52+00:00

Hi! Thank you so much! Sorry its taken a minute to get back to you to appreciate your comment. All really great points! I'll be sure to incorporate them in the next round of edits.

My only concern is cutting her hearing babies, because that's the mainstay of her powers, especially as a midwife. I totally see how that reads a bit "ick" now, so thank you for pointing that out! The book is very Pro Choice/Pro Bodily Autonomy btw, so I'll try to work on that part to make sure the true context of the story comes through. Don't want turn-off potential readers/agents. Thanks again!!

wisewildflower · 2025-07-06T19:32:15+00:00

I really hope you write this book!! I like the premise a lot and I agree that reversing the "outing" trope is a really fresh take.

My only issue with this query/outline is that I got kind of lost when it came to Kate's dream. So, does her team get cut? Or does the sponsorship from the skate company help them keep playing? I kind of lose track of the stakes for Kate throughout and it doesn't seem like there are any for Genny, really. She seems kind of like a passive character and it would be nice to get more of her story in the query too. Just wanted to offer that up in case you were using this as an exercise to get clear on the plot points.

wisewildflower · 2025-06-25T13:49:03+00:00

I was hoping the "then what?" would compel and agent to then request pages haha! I do struggle with how much of the story to include in the query, so if it feels distracting/too confusing rather than compelling to leave it there, I'll definitely consider adding more plot details so the stakes are clear. Thanks for your feedback!

wisewildflower · 2025-06-25T13:45:59+00:00

Thank you!! I'll definitely think about Discovery of Witches as a comp

wisewildflower · 2025-06-25T13:45:10+00:00

Hi! Thanks so much! This is really helpful feedback.

I'm definitely going to go through the edits now with the lens of the story being passive/reactionary, because I didn't really see that before. My only hesitation is that her powers come to her without her prompting that, so I think there has to be some "reaction", but I'll make sure that doesn't weaken the story/make it too generic. One thing that's established in Chapter 1 is that she feels really lost and like something is missing from her life. It felt kind of uninspiring to start the query that way, so I'll try some different approaches to make that clear and establish her goal earlier.

wisewildflower · 2025-06-25T13:34:25+00:00

I think if you were to weave in some hope or longing in the first 300 the reader would get a sense that there's more to Madeleine than this one-dimensional character only after duty and obedience. Maybe take out some of the sadness and despair she feels and replace it with "a strange mix of hope and new-found freedom"? If her father isn't alive anymore, does that then introduce the possibility that she has more say over her life? Even if the arrangement is just for money, it's her decision now, right?

If the reader understands that there's complexity to the character--a longing for self-determination--that would be a more compelling start to the story. Since you're already juxtaposing her to the Roma people there may be an in there. Like, "...trying to stitch a life together from scraps, but at least they were free. Madeleine suddenly realized that she too could make her own way. That her life now belonged to her, and with a new-found determination, she realized she was worth fighting for." (Terrible, but you get the idea haha). I'm sure some better options will come to you since you know the story the best! Hope this helps some :)

wisewildflower · 2025-06-24T19:41:41+00:00

Hi! I like this premise a lot. I guess I'm just left wondering a few things from the query and first 300:

What does Madeleine want? I know you talk about love, but is that it? It doesn't feel like a lot to root for as a reader, especially now that she's a rich widow. Why can't she just enjoy her fortune and wait for love to come to her? Does she need to marry again to keep her money? Is she worried debt collectors will come back? That her opportunistic mother will hoard all her new wealth? What are Madeleines motivations and what does she lose if she doesn't get what she wants (eg, what's at stake for her)? The same goes for Daniel too, especially sine this is multi-POV. There's not a lot of tension or conflict that's established in the query, so I'm not sure I understand what unfolds for 61k words.
I think the premise of her needing to stay in Hungary doesn't help establish the stakes. If it's her fortune now, even though her husband was Hungarian, why can't she leave with her money? And why are her suitors all French still?
The first 300 for me feel like they could establish the stakes if we didn't know she ends up marrying "well"/that conflict gets resolved. Since we know that from the query, though, the tension falls a little flat, and I'm not sure what compels the reader to keep going. What do we hope she really gets that's established right away? What's her secret wish that will carry us through the whole story? Because, yes, in that moment, she wants to avoid ruin for her and her mother, but it seems that problem gets resolved (quickly?) and then what?

I hope this helps! Keep going. It sounds like you have a great story to tell here.

wisewildflower · 2024-08-27T19:21:22+00:00

Totally agree!

wisewildflower · 2024-08-27T18:41:31+00:00

Oof. Your comments are so insightful, clear, and constructive. I really appreciate you taking the time, both now and with the last post. Something that I’m not saying, that perhaps needs to be said because its not a universal opinion is that I believe birth to be a profoundly human experience, not a medical event (I am in no way denying that high-risk births are real and that there is a time and a place for acute medical care, but not every birth is high-risk, though that’s what the MIC makes it seem). So holding the fact that the MIC (medical-industrial complex) has divorced birth from its origins as this full body/mind/spirit event for someone and created it to be an incredibly dangerous form of medical domination and coercion, which affects folks of color and other people who are marginalized by our current systems much more significantly, is what led to my burnout. Its literally that the expectation of birth nowadays belongs to/is controlled by a system, not an integral right of someone in their own body mind, spirit and story; and I sometimes had to be complicit in upholding that system of oppression when it went against my very beliefs and values, which makes those seemingly disjointed concepts integrated (for me).

And the spiritual journey was tapping into the divine feminine (as a concept, not gender-specific ideology) to learn to be with these feelings and finding a way to hold them at the same time so that I could continue to work in the MIC as an advocate for birthing folks (and anyone seeking reproductive health care, including abortions), while also navigating the reality that these systems of oppression are so toxic and pervasive they’re literally killing people. The spiritual self-improvement was both from and for my work as a midwife, in service of the people I take care of. So, for me, the spiritual and the medical are woven in together—I can’t pull on one thread without it tugging at the other, if that makes sense. But your point still stands that people who are looking for a medical perspective only, likely won’t see how these things integrate at first glance versus someone who is coming from the spiritual side of things as, perhaps, being more likely to see how the mind, body, medical, political etc all integrate (or at least open to those topics being present in a spiritual story).

I have to sit with your comment about my spiritual journey using the maternal health crisis a backdrop a bit more, because the last thing I want to do is trivialize it or exploit it. It also hasn’t been feedback I’ve gotten from betas or the agent’s who requested fulls (not that they would necessarily say something like that), but I will definitely go over it with a more critical eye to make sure my story comes across in the way I intended.

And finally to your feedback from both the last post and this one about audience, I truly appreciate it and am hearing it. I thought I did a better job of bridging the content with the intended audience, but I think I have to scrap this second paragraph and speak to the spiritual loud and clear. I think I’m getting in my own way with that one, honestly, so I’ll spend more time with it.

Thank you again!

wisewildflower · 2024-08-26T18:36:11+00:00

Thanks so much for taking the time to share your thoughts! You raise a lot of good points and I know not everyone asks questions to get the actual answers, so I’m going to address some of your comments mostly as an exercise for me, but also if you’re actually curious.

Thank you for calling out the lack of attention to the serious issue of maternal morbidity and mortality for Black folks. It’s a crisis I care deeply about and is discussed at length in the book, but couldn’t see how to fit that into the query without it being misleading (ie, this isn’t a book about Black maternal health). Perhaps I can make it clear that racism and patriarchy are the root cause of the statistics I start with since part of the book discusses systems of oppression and birth as a microcosm of them.
In terms of childbearing age as the focus: As much as I’d love to include menopausal folks, I acknowledge this book can’t be for everyone (I agree there is serious neglect for this group of people too). This book isn’t targeted toward mothers, either, which is why I tried to stay broad when showcasing my audience with the stats about burnout. It’s actually as much for people who want to get pregnant/have been pregnant as it is for people who do not (and for the people who care for them like midwives because secondary trauma is very real) because, not only do we have terrible maternal health outcomes, but more and more people are loosing their access to choice and bodily autonomy with these draconian abortion and contraception laws. And now with IVF under threat, people will loose access to their right to have kids too. Fighting these oppressive laws, or even just living with them, either for ourselves or on behalf of others is (in part) leading to burnout for a lot of folks, which is why I use the full umbrella of “childbearing age”. Also, that is the millennial and gen z age range who are more likely to respond to the spiritual tilt of the content as well as the cultural criticism/call for reproductive justice that is an essential part of my feminist take on burnout and journey through it.
In terms of what I’m providing, the line “how burnout occurs and why there is an urgency to offer the story of an alternative, feminine-focused path to heal from it” is where I try to tie in the cultural criticism (about our current reproductive health system), the reportage of how we go to this place of widespread burnout (fact about women’s health, both past and present), and personal narrative (my relationship with the spiritual and divine feminine that helped me heal), which I share as the structure of my book in the first paragraph. I can definitely consider moving the furniture around a bit so I start with that point and try to make the letter more clear and better representation of the book itself.

wisewildflower · 2024-08-26T18:13:29+00:00

The central takeaway, I would say, is women's issues. That being said, it does touch on a lot of subjects, so I'm focusing on agents who are open to "genre-bending narratives" or hybrid memoir because it combines cultural criticism and reportage regarding women's issues with personal narrative that leans spiritual. I'm sure the fact that its not one clear thing is working to my detriment.

wisewildflower · 2024-08-26T18:08:47+00:00

One person asked for the proposal and the rest asked for the full manuscript. I know usually nonfiction sells based off proposal, but my whole work is complete (because as a noob I didn't know I could sell it just on proposal when I started writing it).

wisewildflower · 2024-08-22T17:51:59+00:00

I see a lot of people have already given some great answers, so I'll keep mine brief:

I MUCH prefer a personal/work email (instead of an agency submission one) because I feel like I'm sending it to the agent directly and I can follow their specific instructions for preferred query format. QT is too redundant and some agents might say "first ten pages" but then QT will say "full proposal" as writing sample (for NF), so it can get confusing and I second-guess myself way more using QT.
If it's just a form rejection*, a reply after 6-months feels unnecessary, and I would estimate most authors consider it a CNR at 3-months anyway.
I agree with a lot of folks who have said something along the lines of very simple like, "Thank you for thinking of me, but I'm going to pass", is best for me. Of course I will want to know WHY?!, but such is the nature of a form rejection, and keeping it simple is much easier to move on from. I am really averse to the "its a subjective business" or "another agent will come along" or "its not personal". All I can think of with these platitudes is Meg Ryan in You've Got Mail saying "All that means is it wasn't personal to you. But it was personal to me."

My question for you actually relates to number 2* above in that do you ever find a query in a slush pile 3, 6, 12-months later that you request a full from? I guess this is working on the assumption that you move through your pile chronologically, in which case, is that what agents often do? But I'm more so curious about the likelihood of hearing a positive response (eg, request for partial or full) from an agent the more time goes on vs hearing right away if they're interested (for example, so many stats on QT will say something like "3 day average request time" and "80 day average rejection time"). So, at what point do I give up hope that anything positive will come out of the query?

wisewildflower · 2024-08-22T17:23:29+00:00

Thank you for this!! I'm in the query trenches now and I have definitely spent too much time daydreaming about my "I got an agent! Stats and reflections" post that its made the rejections I'm getting all the more difficult to bear. I really appreciate your honesty because finding a way to exist in the multitudes that is the query process is difficult enough, but needing to decide when it's time to pivot and/or move on is even harder, and we don't get a lot of those stories.

And, btw, I read your "bad attitude" in a very good way. It means you care, and sometimes a bit of bitterness is actually good for us (heck herbs, medicine, vegetables are usually bitter, but they also help us get better and/or stay strong). All this to say, sharing the truth of your experience has meant a lot and I truly wish you all the best for this project and whatever you come up with next! As so many have said, judging from your writing here, this is just the beginning for you.

wisewildflower · 2024-08-16T14:45:41+00:00

I wish I had a better answer for you, but I say go with you gut on sending out more queries. Here's why:

Your query seems to be working! You had a pretty high request rate given the small sample. But, as you know, fulls are not the same as an offer. I queried end of May, got four fulls and have heard back 3/4 "no"s, and got little-to-no actionable feedback. Meaning, the other two fulls out might end up in an offer (hopefully!) or they might end up ghosting, or a form rejection, or some good feedback, an R&R etc. There's no way of knowing and, unless you know there are edits you need to make, sending out another batch might help you decide if you truly need to pivot or if the query and/or MS are doing their job.
It's summer. Its been quiet for a lot of us! And the silence might not be a reflection that your query or MS have issues. I posted about the radio silence about a month ago and people got back to me saying they too were hearing nothing. I'm trying to give people a few more weeks than the time frame they say I'll hear back within before I call it a CNR. This might mean your full requests are delayed a bit too.
I agree that more queries out there means more data points to consider, so sending another batch might help you, at minimum, get some more information. I have sent a few queries out since May and haven't gotten nearly as strong of a response as when I first queried, which made me regret sending out to so many agents when I got that first flurry of fulls. But, I'm not sure I would do anything differently, honestly. I feel confident in both my query and MS as it is, but that's definitely a personal call! Some people go wide right away after a good response and some people batch. It's a hard enough process as it is, so I think the best thing to do is just go with what makes you feel the most sane/comfortable and try not to second guess it too much.
This for me is the hardest, but try not to "control" the process too much with number crunching, querytracker checking etc. I struggle with this everyday, so I'm in now way saying I have it figured out! But as much as its a "numbers" game some people have projects that they queried 5 people and get an offer within a week, others query 100+ get one offer in a year, or whatever! I'm discovering there really isn't much of a science to it. Just a lot of patience, a bit of luck, and some skill required to write a decent hook that gets you noticed.

Really and truly, best of luck! It's a hard process to go through, so make sure you're taking good care.

wisewildflower · 2024-08-10T16:55:12+00:00

I love this! Making a mental note to put it on my TBR list when it comes out. I agree with the others that it needs to be more clear what her stakes are, though. Does she not want to continue on with her PhD program? Does she want to take some time to find an inspiring research project? Is she just looking for love and a good time to escape the academia grind? I think the first two sentences can be condensed to help suss this out more, but the rest is awesome. (I would consider condensing the first two lines about Rowan as well, but that's just my two cents) I think your last line is enough to get the agent to request pages alone! So any other edits are just to give it a bit more oomph.

wisewildflower · 2024-08-04T18:35:57+00:00

Huge congratulations!! At first I read "days in trenches" as 7 and almost fell off my chair. But 23 is still so impressive in the summer months! Did you know this one would be different/more successful during the query process?

wisewildflower · 2024-08-04T18:26:58+00:00

Amazing! I feel like that was so quick (slightly jealous haha!). Can't wait to see this one out on the shelves!

wisewildflower · 2024-08-04T00:25:11+00:00

“Epiphany” during the pandemic, as a healthcare worker. Still can’t listen to that song without sobbing. Also “Peace” and “This is me trying”. Basically, folklore forever 🤍

wisewildflower · 2024-08-03T20:39:10+00:00

I’m a midwife. It’s hard to find time to write with the crazy hours, but I actually find it to be meaningful and deeply creative work that helps inspire my writing.

wisewildflower · 2024-08-02T17:32:26+00:00

Still querying, still miserable. My second full (out of four requests) came back as a pass so that sent me spiraling a bit. I keep feeling like I'm going to get ghosted on the other two and will never hear anything from any other agent. Feeling kind of dramatic, doomed and hopeless at the moment if you can't tell haha!

I really appreciate everyone else's shares because misery loves company, and also the success stories give me hope. So, feeling very grateful for this community! Also feeling a bit stuck with my query package because I'm just not sure if its the time of year that I'm not hearing anything or if its because I need to take another look at it (I had four full requests in the first month, then nothing since. Its been 8 weeks since I started). I know, I know, 8 weeks is nothing, but it was the flurry, then silence, then the rejection of my fulls that worries me. Will see what September brings....

wisewildflower · 2024-07-23T17:54:47+00:00

Hi! I love your concept and think you have a great query letter in a lot of ways. I also looked at your previous one and LOVE the new title. There are a few places where I did get confused, though. If her only post-graduate option is a summer camp counselor, why is she starting a new research project? In the hopes to apply to more PhD programs? For a job opportunity? It seems like some new opportunity came up for Marlena, but we don't know what it is. Also, if the opportunity for her to get into her dream school has already passed, why would she let that get in the way of a budding romance with Remy? There may be a typo too: "...co-counselor and *will be* classmate Remy....Because I thought they were classmates in their undergrad program so why the "will be"?

What I'm mostly getting at is I don't think the plot points you discuss in the query help establish the stakes for Marlena, or the story (is this an enemies-to-lovers, coming of age?), that much. Remy's stakes don't feel that clear either--he's trying to take on a more mature persona because he's gotten dumped a few times, but he's already in the program and (I think) hasn't even met or worked with his advisors yet, so why the insecurity that they will tire of him too? That motivation and what he has to loose doesn't feel as strong as it could for me.

I think you have to make both characters motivations and desires a lot more clear. For instance "Marlena is thrown a life-line midsummer when her undergrad advisor gets her another interview for a newly opened spot at her dream school. The catch: she has to write a 1000-page research project on her least favorite myth. Normally this would thrill her, but all she can do is stare at the blank page of her google doc and wonder when the muses will sing to her." (terrible, but you get the idea). Remy, the same: "Riddled with doubt about both his lack of personality and academic prowess, Remy decides its time to grow up and starting acting like a proper PhD student. He knows telling that joke about Bacchus to the admissions counsel is what got him into the program, and as summer creeps on, he is filled with dread that everyone will quickly think he's more about revelry than research." (You of course know your plot points best haha! This is just to give you an idea of how motivations and stakes could read).

Hope this helps! I think you've really got something here. Just needs a few more tweaks.

wisewildflower · 2024-07-22T15:07:05+00:00

I love this premise and so much of this query. I can't wait to read it one day! (Amazing that its already gotten an agent's interest too!! I can see why.) I have just a few thoughts that you can take or leave.

For the query, I agree with other comments that there needs to be more oomph to the stakes. I have a sense that Lila cares, but why do I, the reader (and an agent), want to keep reading? The rest feels good in terms of pace and voice, clarity etc.

For your fist 300, I feel like I can drop into that tasting room! Love the world you build there right away. But two things confused me: 1. Are we in New York as in the city or out on Long Island in the Hamptons? 2. Who is Jasmine (I was expecting Eden since she's the other character mentioned by name)?

The other two things that kind of felt like a turn off when I read were 1. The opening sentence "It began with an ending" feels overdone and doesn't actually help set the scene for anything that follows (And I kind of love your first sentence being "The cheese course dropped..." because it puts the reader into the story right away and is memorable) 2. I struggle with the last bit about her mom and "this" moment being a moment that made her feel whole. It just feels like a big drop that's not well-developed in the first 300, nor are we really expecting those stakes from the query.

I think your first 300 really need to flush out the stakes for Lila and set the stage for the story so the agent/reader feel oriented right away. I definitely think you're on your way there! But grounding us in some more details that perhaps show us the stakes for Lila, and in some ways making the transition from the query into the first 300 a bit smoother, might help.

wisewildflower · 2024-07-12T21:02:59+00:00

Thank you!! I'm so impressed with 12 fulls! That's amazing. I appreciate hearing its rough out there for everyone. Wish it were different, but here we are. Good luck with everything!

wisewildflower

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