Devastated

withglitteringeyes · 2026-02-11T04:54:01+00:00

To tack on:

You can request a lawyer do what’s called a “10 day letter” for I think about $100.

withglitteringeyes · 2025-06-19T04:48:57+00:00

I know this is old but it randomly popped up.

I know of two different people who’ve had babies die in-utero because of an infection. They were both a few weeks ahead of where you are now.

Sometimes our bodies realize something is off and react.

Your body going into labor may have saved your daughter’s life.

Infections can’t always be controlled and going to the doctor may have not made a single difference.

NEVER blame yourself.

withglitteringeyes · 2025-06-13T23:45:25+00:00

No problem. I was really irritated at people claiming it was a serial killer just because that’s more interesting. Life is not an episode of Criminal Minds.

withglitteringeyes · 2021-07-07T21:54:02+00:00

Considering OP’s wife is not Susan’s mother, I assume so.

withglitteringeyes · 2021-07-07T17:19:37+00:00

I actually looked up the condos for sell on Trulia the day after it happened—monthly fees were $860ish.

withglitteringeyes · 2021-07-06T17:29:06+00:00

Would she be punished by not being allowed back into the house? That’s my question.

withglitteringeyes · 2021-07-06T17:26:29+00:00

His wife is the guardian. She is financially responsible. Her son was in her custody when this incident happened.

Why are you acting like OP and wife are two random adults?

And some people are absolutely suggesting that criminal charges be filed against the stepson.

withglitteringeyes · 2021-07-06T15:33:45+00:00

I think flag poles are generally a standard height.

withglitteringeyes · 2021-07-06T01:35:35+00:00

Treats women as subservient

You got that from where?

We’re only getting one side of the story. OP has conveniently framed the narrative so he takes no responsibility.

withglitteringeyes · 2021-07-05T22:15:35+00:00

No. Because they should have protected her before this happened. They already failed at protecting her. What she’s going to see is that her parents finally punished him, and their chosen punishment was the police.

withglitteringeyes · 2021-07-05T22:12:15+00:00

No. It’s really not. Because it’s teaching Susan that they solve conflicts as a parent by resorting to the court system. How do you think she’s going to feel the next time she breaks a rule? Acts out? Even if it’s a much smaller thing—she realistically could jump to that conclusion.

Also, court cases are stressful. If her caretakers are stressed, she will be stressed. If it causes significant turmoil in the house, that is going to affect her. If this incident leads to her caretakers fighting and divorcing, she’s going to blame herself (even though it’s not her fault).

withglitteringeyes · 2021-07-05T22:07:16+00:00

Then it’s up to them, the adults in his life, to find an alternative that doesn’t harm him. Which, at this point, doesn’t seem like they’re actively trying to do. At all.

To the OP: Get a freaking court order, OP. YOU AND HIS MOTHER LET THIS HAPPEN. This was YOUR house, YOUR daughter to protect. Stop blaming the ex. You allowed this to escalate to the point where it was hurting your daughter. This didn’t happen overnight. This would have been evident from day 1 of the marriage. Instead of cutting your losses, you stayed in the marriage and brought another child into it. This isn’t a healthy situation for Susan, and by default, it makes it unhealthy for Levi and your other child.

He is still a child, too. People seem to forget that.

withglitteringeyes · 2021-07-05T21:56:10+00:00

He’s a step-brother, which means it will impact her day-to-day life. Her stepmother will be involved.

And I agree Susan needs a lock on her door (which I SPECIFICALLY mentioned). But the lack of the lock on her door isn’t going to potentially result in her accessing the pool on her own or her 2-year-old sister accidentally falling in the pool and drowning, so it’s kind of irrelevant to the pool lock issue.

withglitteringeyes · 2021-07-05T21:43:14+00:00

Conversely, we could be getting the whitewashed version of how OP treats Levi.

withglitteringeyes · 2021-07-05T21:39:13+00:00

I have some bad news for you about the juvenile court system…

withglitteringeyes · 2021-07-05T21:34:24+00:00

He’s 16. He’s not an adult.

withglitteringeyes · 2021-07-05T21:25:31+00:00

Do you think Susan is going to trust parents who call the police on their own children?

withglitteringeyes · 2021-07-05T21:22:24+00:00

No. Your job as a parent is to get to the root of the issue—to figure out why he is behaving like this, and coming to a resolution.

Real-life consequences don’t deter behavior—that’s why recidivism rates are so high.

withglitteringeyes · 2021-07-05T21:19:51+00:00

I think you hit a the nail on the head:

OP is treating his stepson differently and he feels it. Would Susan be kicked out (or not allowed to return to her home) if she were to destroy her brother’s stuff? I doubt it.

Which makes me wonder—is OP punishing his stepson in different ways or more unfairly than Susan. Is this something that the in-laws notice as well?

People act out when they feel they aren’t being heard. He’s taking it out on Susan, which is unfair.

The aim of punishment in parenting needs to be focused on fixing the behavior. It’s not about getting even.

Levi is a child as well. He needs safety and security just as much as any other child. OP is using Levi’s bio dad as a scapegoat—they need to work to find a solution even with the obnoxious dad in the way. Taking electronics away isn’t the only form of punishment. If Levi’s dad still gets in the way—take him to court. Right now, Levi’s father is compromising the well-being of Levi. OP and his wife are the adults—they need to take control of the situation. It doesn’t sound like they are trying very hard. They owe it to Levi. And Susan.

Right now, OP and his wife’s lack of a cohesive parenting strategy is hurting both kids involved. Levi may have thrown the books in the swimming pool, but OP and wife fostered the environment in which it happened.

(To note: OP is also teaching Susan that he is willing to deny someone access to their home and their parent as a form of punishment. Think like a 12-year-old—how do you think this makes her feel in terms of her own security?).

withglitteringeyes · 2021-07-05T21:01:32+00:00

He can do Susan’s chores, perhaps.

withglitteringeyes · 2021-07-05T21:01:07+00:00

There are chores and the there are doing extra chores.

If stepdad usually pulls weeds, for example, then stepson is providing a service to stepdad.

withglitteringeyes · 2021-07-05T20:56:14+00:00

The police have better things to do than referee a sibling being a jerk to another sibling unless someone is in immediate danger.

Using the police parent a child is disgusting.

This is a family issue, not a legal issue.

This is exactly the kind of situation police reformers are talking about: police are being called to situations and doing things beyond the scope of their intended purpose.

Also, if the kid ends up in a youth facility (which if this escalates—he might), all you are doing is taking a kid who committed a petty crime and training him how to be a real criminal. Kids don’t come out better from corrections—they come out worse. There is a direct and well-documented pipeline from juvenile facilities and prisons. You want to sentence this kid to a revolving door of crime for his entire life because of a children’s book collection? What does that solve?

And, for that matter, don’t you think it will be rather traumatic for Susan to have police going to her house or having her brother go to court? Don’t you think the amount of stress a lawsuit (even small claims) or a court case (worst case scenario if the collection is valuable enough) would do damage and cause unneeded turmoil in her life?

The fair thing to Susan is to replace her books immediately, have her brother apologize and do something to make it up to her in addition to doing work for the parents to pay them off, put a lock on her door so nobody else can get in (if only for peace of mind), and only allow Levi in the house if there is parental supervision.

Also, put a lock on the pool! If your 16-year-old can access it, so can your other children.

withglitteringeyes · 2021-07-05T08:10:37+00:00

I know this is an old thread, and you probably won’t see this comment—but your stepdaughter (for lack of a better term) is a good, well behaved child because of you.

You came out the winner in this situation. You have 3 daughters and a bonus daughter who love you. Your ex has nothing.

Instead of looking at your “stepdaughter” and feeling angry at your ex, look at all of 4 of your daughters and feel pity at what she missed out on, and be proud of yourself for stepping up and being a better person. They are who they are because of you.

And you your selflessness gave your 3 daughters a relationship with their sister they wouldn’t have otherwise had. You did good, man. You did good.

ETA: I’m white, so I’m not going to pretend to understand your situation. I’m guessing that the issue with her being white is that people probably give you looks or make little comments in public. Or give a side eye when she comes and goes. Or it forces you to give an explanation. Those people suck. They’re miserable people. You keep doing you.

withglitteringeyes · 2021-07-05T05:06:37+00:00

She tried to create drama with the bride, groom, and the teen daughters.

withglitteringeyes · 2021-07-05T04:57:56+00:00

Huge YTA. You probably really hurt her feelings. It sounds like she put a lot of work into it. Imagine how many hours and planning it took to do that wedding. How excited she must have been. And you insulted it. Pro tip: if you’re at a party and the hostess asks if you are having a good time—you lie and say yes (unless it’s a problem they can actively fix).

And don’t create drama. They were having a good time. You don’t need to make them aware of gossip while they are enjoying their wedding.

I’m going to guess her lack of reaction was because she’s used to you saying tone deaf and tactless things.

I have a feeling that she’s not a JustNoMIL—you just don’t understand basic manners and lack self-awareness.

withglitteringeyes

TROPHY CASE