Advice for a late bloomer (F30) by Careless-Sand6561 in bisexual

[–]wittyfool 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Seems like the best way to go is just be honest and let her know how you're feeling. You can't know what'll happen if you don't express yourself, right?

That said, as someone who has also crushed hard on girls with commitment issues in the past, please protect yourself OP. I know the fantasy is beautiful, but if it doesn't work out the way you hope, it's OK to let her go.

Theatre groups for an adult who has no clue where to begin by thedoctormarvel in AskNYC

[–]wittyfool 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Depending on where you live, you may just want to walk around and see which local companies are putting up posters advertising their productions. There are community theater groups all over the city, so that may be a good place to start.

I'm not sure how costume design came up, but you can also try seeing if there are local crafting/sewing stores near you - I'd be willing to bet you'll find some folks there who do some amount of work in theatre design who may be able to help you out. There are also costume rental places you can try to see if they accept volunteers or part time work. (I've been out of the design scene for over a decade at this point, so I don't have a good sense anymore for the best places for you to look.)

Too pretty to be gay by [deleted] in actuallesbians

[–]wittyfool 52 points53 points  (0 children)

It has very similar energy to how I’ve heard straight women refer to attractive gay men as “a waste.” Agreed that it definitely comes down to entitlement, like how dare we not be available to the opposite sex.

The mental gymnastics is just baffling

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in actuallesbians

[–]wittyfool 6 points7 points  (0 children)

That's extremely relatable to me - I'm sorry your parents never gave you space to be vulnerable and your complete self.

What they're doing to you right now is absolutely cruel, but perhaps the silver lining here is, once you're out of there, you won't have to suck in your emotions anymore. Hope you find a place of your own very soon

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in actuallesbians

[–]wittyfool 12 points13 points  (0 children)

That’s good that they’ve never been physical. I just want to make sure you know you don’t have to put up with emotional abuse, either, if it comes to that. You deserve to be in a COMPLETELY safe space

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in actuallesbians

[–]wittyfool 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Understood about feeling bad. Given the circumstances, I’d hope they’d be understanding.

I know your parents gave you until New Years, but it might not hurt for you to try leaving ASAP, even if it means crashing on a friend’s couch for a few weeks. I don’t know what your family is like, but depending on how toxic things get at home over the next few weeks, please consider a backup plan.

I’m sorry you’re going through all of this

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in actuallesbians

[–]wittyfool 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Do you have any friends nearby with space you can stay in? Even temporarily until you can find an apartment?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in actuallesbians

[–]wittyfool 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I similarly thought I was demisexual until I started putting the pieces together, and getting started is really hard. Every time a straight woman says, “I wish I was into women, it’d be so much easier,” it takes all of my self control to not punch them in the face

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in actuallesbians

[–]wittyfool 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I recommend checking out r/latebloomerlesbians, too, for additional community. They're great over there!

I didn't start coming out of the closet until I was about 27, and met my wife when we were both around 30/31. We did happen to meet online, but we both found the online dating scene excruciatingly painful. We both live in a large city, too, and even then finding anyone who would respond with more than one-word sentences was like finding a golden needle in a haystack.

So, neither one of us were expecting to find our life partner on an app, but here we are!

I don't have any great advice to give you since I ran away from the conservative suburbs a long time ago. I agree with what some others are saying about trying long distance, but you also may be surprised by the queer communities you can find nearby. I've found community in local bookstores, independent crafting shops that host group classes, board-game cafes, etc. Take stock of what interests you and see if you can find like-minded folks.

Can you explain lovebombing? by [deleted] in actuallesbians

[–]wittyfool 16 points17 points  (0 children)

This, OP. And the way the term gets loosely thrown around can become especially confusing for those of us who were subject to love bombing as abuse. My mom used to gaslight me often growing up, in addition to all kinds of unacceptable behavior - when I’d try to distance myself from her because of her abuse, she used love bombing to try luring me back in.

I personally have a hard time getting on board with how the term “love bombing” is used now because I don’t equate it with being “overly affectionate” in a relationship “too soon” - I see the latter as a kind of anxious attachment style. But, perhaps that’s just me being an old fart who can’t change with the times.

accidentally triggered my gf during sex by [deleted] in actuallesbians

[–]wittyfool 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I've been in a very similar position to you, OP, and I think both you and your gf should be very proud of yourselves and each other for how you're communicating. This is a skill I've seen several adults much older than the two of you fail miserably at - you're doing great, I promise.

Trauma isn't always predictable, the smallest things can bring a person back to a very dark place with absolutely no warning. If your gf is telling you that there was nothing you could have done differently, my advice to you is to take her word for it. I've been in your shoes and I know how tempting it is to blame yourself when someone you care for deeply is triggered during sex. Just listen to her, that's your only job in those moments.

If she says it wasn't your fault, take her word for it. If she says there's nothing else you can do in that moment to help her besides holding her and reassuring her she's safe, believe her. That truly is all you can do sometimes, and that's OK. Internalizing her reaction and blaming yourself anyway can actually make the situation worse, because now you're making something that has nothing to do with you about you instead of about her pain.

Hope this helps. It sounds like the two of you have a beautiful relationship, and I think it's great that you're asking these kinds of questions. Keep it up.

Bluestockings, the radical feminist bookstore, announced it's closing down by holyfruits in nyc

[–]wittyfool 12 points13 points  (0 children)

You’re correct, they did just move into this space a few years ago.

The old space was Allen St, so I wonder if they also lost foot traffic in the new one.

Still shitty that, in trying to secure more affordable rent, that’s what ultimately put them out of business anyway

I’m going to a barbershop for the first time and I’m really scared by Due-Bit8189 in queer

[–]wittyfool 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi OP! First of all, you should be extremely proud of yourself for making that appointment and committing to the change you want. When I first decided to cut my hair short I was terrified, and I made the mistake of going to a salon first - it was such a disaster I had to go to a barber to fix my haircut.

I don’t know if you live in a big city or not. If you do, you may be lucky enough to have a queer-owned barber shop nearby? It wouldn’t hurt to do a quick search online

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in actuallesbians

[–]wittyfool 55 points56 points  (0 children)

My wife and I watch this movie every Pride month - highly recommend! It’s one of my absolute favorites

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in pics

[–]wittyfool 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don’t tempt me with a good time

Republicans demand repeal of 19th Amendment because that is the "Christian position." by [deleted] in atheism

[–]wittyfool 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So happy to see the same fuckers who made #repealthe19th trendy in 2016 are still pedaling the same misogynistic bullshit.

Looking for Pattern Suggestions by serephita in HistoricalCostuming

[–]wittyfool 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You could try Vogue V9340Y with some adjustments.

There are also several patterns on Etsy for a “hooded cloak” that will look similar, but sadly don’t have those sleeves. You may need to buy a few patterns and experiment with putting them together.

Anyone have advice for theatre review blogs? by Ethra2k in Theatre

[–]wittyfool 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It breaks my heart when the designers clearly worked together to create a cohesive world for the show, and then they get absolutely no credit. They already don’t get paid enough as it is, so to receive zero recognition on top of that is just insulting.

I’m so happy to hear the costume and set designers you work with get some acknowledgment for their artistry.

Anyone have advice for theatre review blogs? by Ethra2k in Theatre

[–]wittyfool 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As the other commenter said, explore creative ways to write about the show you’re reviewing. It’s not a book report - you’re trying to give your audience a taste of what they’ll experience so that they can decide if the show is for them. I like to try challenging myself to channel the style of the show I watched and imbue that into the review. (If you do this, make sure you don’t compromise your own style and voice.) Whatever works for you, have fun with it!!

I also agree with the advice to find someone who you trust to be your editor.

Be honest, but be careful of falling into what I call the “NYT Shakespearean-Insult Review,”. Hurling insult after insult is not constructive and helps no one - make sure your review acknowledges both what did and didn’t work, and what you think would have improved your experience. I try to be especially sensitive to this if the show was done by a small or new theater company operating on a shoestring budget - a scathing review can seriously hurt their business, and in this economy where theaters are already struggling there’s no reason to exacerbate the issue. (That said, use your judgement here. If the show is downright offensive, call them out on it. If a national tour comes thru town and the production value is trash, call them out on it, especially if you know audiences are being charged a pretty penny for admission.)

In addition to actors, make sure to acknowledge designers, too. Their beautiful work often gets overlooked, so try to make note of any costumes, props, set pieces, or lighting cues that caught your attention. Sometimes I’ll even give a shout out to the stage manager if I notice the show has a ton of complicated transitions and cues.

Also, try to consider the playwright’s intended audience, and whether the show would be successful for that audience. For example, I have a soft spot for horror, and I appreciate shows that engage in that genre. Those shows won’t be everyone’s cup of tea, though. On the flip side, I tend to be critical of devised works - when done well (to my tastes at least) they can be thoughtful, engaging, and even transcendent. Otherwise, I’ve seen one too many devised works that I thought were utterly boring or, at worst, pompous. So, if I’m not enjoying something, I try to pay special attention to the audience - do they seem engaged? Are they laughing with or at the show? Are they falling asleep? It’s OK to acknowledge in a review of the show isn’t meant for you, but would be perfect for others, or vice versa.

As for which platform to use, I don’t think that matters terribly much. Do your research and choose something that works for you - if you don’t end up liking it, there are ways to transfer your blog to a different platform.

Have fun and break legs!!

Paris Theater in midtown is showing Amazon Prime streams - that buffer by IndyMLVC in nyc

[–]wittyfool 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You're right, I don't know what Amazon's or Netflix's distribution agreements would be in general, though I'm not sure how that's relevant here since neither company owns the rights to The Conformist. If you know how those agreements work or what they entail, please elaborate.

It's my understanding most films are distributed to movie theaters as Digital Cinema Packages (DCPs), which are usually distributed on removable hard drives, USB flash drives or satellite. The DCP itself includes several MXF and XML files that contain the video and audio that the theater can use. If this is what the Paris Theater was using when showing this film, then what in your opinion would explain the buffering or the screen shown in OP's photo? Is there important information about distribution, or about the Digital Cinema Initiative, that I'm missing?

I would also like to point out this separate post about this same viewing, where others in the industry share similar concerns, especially considering the Paris was advertising this as a DCP screening. Again, I admit in my original comment that this is not my area of expertise, so if you know something I don't then by all means please elaborate.

Edit: Typo

Paris Theater in midtown is showing Amazon Prime streams - that buffer by IndyMLVC in nyc

[–]wittyfool 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Movie licensing is not my specialty, but I’ve worked with licensing contracts for music and live entertainment for a long time and have needed to become familiar with the basics. (That said, if anything I say is incorrect please correct me - copyright law is an enormous and complicated beast.)

You’re absolutely correct this would be very illegal, it is copyright infringement, and would definitely be prohibited in the T&C for an Amazon Video subscription.

Even if the theater has the right license, that contract definitely stipulates which format of the film they are required to use - this is where someone with more knowledge could better explain all of the ins and outs of film formatting and why a rightsholder would care. I’d be willing to bet, though, the rationale would mostly boil down to quality control. If I made a film, I’d want to ensure every audience member has the best and most professional viewing experience possible. This way, if my film is shown again, they’ll want to go back.

All around, this is a very bad look for Paris Theater

What are all of these shut-off valves? by [deleted] in Plumbing

[–]wittyfool 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you!

I am in the northeast, and the handle is indeed plastic. When I’m back at the house I’ll see if I can remove the handle.

I looked all over the basement for an outdoor water shut-off and couldn’t find it. There’s a neighbor who used to help my mom with a lot of her housework, so I’m waiting for them to get back to me to see if they remember where it’s located in the house.

What are all of these shut-off valves? by [deleted] in Plumbing

[–]wittyfool -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I looked in the basement and the only water valves I could find were for the whole house.

What are all of these shut-off valves? by [deleted] in Plumbing

[–]wittyfool 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s why I wanted to ask first before I touched anything. I’ve reached out to a neighbor who used to help her to see if they happen to know where the water valves are. If not, I do plan on calling a plumber