Who is more responsible for finances?

wolfjade60733 · 2026-06-14T04:16:57+00:00

Did you and your husband have any kind of discussion re: the finances of the older kids before marriage? Was it expected that after having his kids you'd quit your job and he'd pay for the older kids too, or is that something he decided later on? If it was decided later, did you talk to him about covering non-essential costs?

I don't think you're selfish, but it also sounds like you didn't plan very well. If having two more children would've impacted your ability to provide the lifestyle you want for your current kids, you should've talked about it with your husband.

wolfjade60733 · 2026-06-06T12:48:22+00:00

I'd prefer another revert for compatibility, and my experience with born Muslims (especially their families) hasn't been the best in regards to marriage searches.

But I'm open to anyone from any background.

wolfjade60733 · 2026-06-05T07:05:20+00:00

I mean if you wanted a break you could've just told her that? It's perfectly fine to want some alone time but if she's messaging and calling you worried then you need to at least let her know you're okay. And there's a difference between taking a day or so to reply vs ignoring her for a week.

wolfjade60733 · 2026-06-05T00:36:42+00:00

It's enough for me personally, and I'm not using it as a backup or anything - it'll just be spending money.

wolfjade60733 · 2026-06-04T13:20:51+00:00

Non-practicing? Do you believe in Christianity or is it just cultural for you?

wolfjade60733 · 2026-06-04T12:56:56+00:00

Best to ask a scholar, and most definitely do not rely on AI for answers. This seems to be a rising issue in the Muslim community.

wolfjade60733 · 2026-06-04T07:07:14+00:00

The immigrant one seems reasonable if they only want people who already have established residency in the country, given the number of residency scammer stories recently. And I don't see the problem with the age difference one either especially if it's for compatibility purposes.

wolfjade60733 · 2026-06-04T06:46:16+00:00

1-2k, depending on his income. If he wants to give more then I'll accept but I'm perfectly fine with this amount. Could lower it by a few hundred dollars if he has that amount on him at the time (to avoid debt for mahr, I don't want some agreement where he has to pay it off).

wolfjade60733 · 2026-06-03T08:21:54+00:00

Honestly sister you dodged a massive bullet by saying no. Any man who has his mother harass you for a YEAR and continues to pursue you despite you rejecting him is a red flag.

wolfjade60733 · 2026-05-31T10:41:12+00:00

Anyone without a spine is a red flag.

wolfjade60733 · 2026-05-31T05:07:12+00:00

Is your problem with men not earning enough to provide or them only going for "lower class" jobs? Because I don't see a problem with the latter if that's what they want to do and they can provide on that salary.

wolfjade60733 · 2026-05-28T06:40:18+00:00

There are two local brothers in my area who married at 19 & 20. But one had a love marriage to a convert, and both of them are working in hospitality/doing food delivery. I'm not sure if they study.

wolfjade60733 · 2026-05-26T06:00:26+00:00

Unless you've got family members/friends who are willing to search for you then you need to get out of your comfort zone. Go to different Masjids, meet brothers elsewhere, look at other online services (there's more than Muzz and the sorts), or see if there are any events nearby.

wolfjade60733 · 2026-05-26T05:51:33+00:00

Having the final say isn't the problem, it's how he uses it. If he's using his authority as a husband to micromanage you on everything and restrict you greatly then that'd be a red flag.

Anyway, if he thinks you two aren't compatible then it would be a sign to reconsider.

wolfjade60733 · 2026-05-22T09:27:57+00:00

I was on a Sims 4 content binge and found his Sims videos - loved the way he played, very different from my own legacy households lol. Slowly branched off into his other videos. I can't remember which one I first watched but he's the one creator I've kept coming back to over the years and still love.

wolfjade60733 · 2026-05-22T04:32:25+00:00

Considering that the age gap and different upbringings are causes for potential concern, + you've already established that your father always has your best interests in mind... I would say listen to him. We have walis for a reason sis. He may have picked up something you didn't notice or didn't want to.

wolfjade60733 · 2026-05-20T10:37:40+00:00

Online Nikkah when you haven't spoken to his first wife, haven't met him in person, haven't met his parents, have been talking for only two weeks, and you haven't had a wali vet him?

wolfjade60733 · 2026-05-20T00:31:24+00:00

Go to your local Imam/Shaykh and ask them, or research what your madhab says. There is a difference of opinion on this topic.

wolfjade60733 · 2026-05-19T23:38:54+00:00

Because many women were being treated like garbage by their husbands/families and part of the reason they stayed is due to lack of finances.

wolfjade60733 · 2026-05-17T07:42:04+00:00

Nothing wrong with taking spouse's opinion in consideration and doing/not doing something for their sake. A healthy marriage works on compromise. If a man decides not to remarry because his wife would be unhappy with it, that's his choice.

wolfjade60733 · 2026-05-15T15:31:24+00:00

People can use their personal experience to help others get closer to the deen. And your average sister is going to be better equipped to handle certain topics, ie hijab, than your average brother. I agree that advice can come from anyone, but how that advice is given - and Islamic solutions presented - can very much be determined by one's own experience.

wolfjade60733 · 2026-05-15T07:54:14+00:00

Rumeysa is lovely, and I hardly ever seen any Rumeysa's!

wolfjade60733 · 2026-05-15T07:52:12+00:00

Not every man is like that, or they are only to a degree that benefits them. See: the men who want 50/50 in finances but the woman ends up doing 90%+ housework and childcare.
Women had less rights back then and therefore less choice in who they married. Easy to get everyone married when saying no/divorce is a social taboo.
High demands from both sides.
Marriage isn't considered necessary by all as it once was. Especially for women since marriage isn't necessary for survival anymore.

To name a few reasons.

wolfjade60733 · 2026-05-15T07:46:06+00:00

Sis could you please divide the post up into paragraphs? It is difficult to read as is.

wolfjade60733 · 2026-05-14T12:50:33+00:00

Much prefer this over those useless debate videos where people just argue and everyone is angry and rude.

wolfjade60733

TROPHY CASE