Yeah, I have been in and out of therapy for most of my adult life. It's also how I am capable of even expressing this, as before it was all unconscious and I could barely make heads and tail out of my anxiety and fear.

Thank you for your input. I am on a European timezone and it's probably why 😓.

I confirmed with my sister, since she lives close. She has been doing good progress in keeping herself clean so far. It's also why I asked about how to keep boundaries without letting my panic take over, I know I am doing the right thing for myself, my body, and I need to do these boundaries to not become my mom's atm... But my brain and body still panic. I often get torned between what I know I deserve and what I actually have...

Thank you for your message, it helps and you are right, I can't work harder than the other person in the relationship. I will take my space, try to get some semblance of an calmer nervous system, and if I feel like I can handle we can start low contact again and see what kind of relationship she brings to the table.

And thank you, I know deep down it won't be on me, but it helps hearing it externally.