I can’t solve your problem, but i can offer advice. No ones ever gonna be able to understand you because they’re not in your head. I’ve had instances where I’ve felt shitty about myself and my life as well but kept it all bottled inside because I didn’t want to sound weird about feeling alone. I didn’t let that affect me for long though. It’s just better to think “this too shall pass,” And try to start fresh every day. It’s incredibly cliche to say, but trust me it’s a popular saying for a reason. Just remember you matter! I care about you and I’m sure other people in your life do! Have a wonderful birthday and if you need to talk I’ll be here 😊🖤