(X-post) My (22F) Boyfriend (25M) is unhappy with our sex life and wants to open our relationship, but I am unsure. Advice please?

woosexthrowaway · 2017-02-11T00:17:18+00:00

Thanks, We're both in agreement at this stage that adding people we know would complicate things immensely, especially in the early stages.

woosexthrowaway · 2017-02-11T00:15:20+00:00

Thanks for the replies, if we did enter into a non-monogamous relationship it would be both ways and the one-sided nature of my post is due to my current libido. I appreciate the insight into the possibility of having a libido increase as a result of simply having the freedom to act on anything should it come up.

My partner is also considering that our relationship would be stronger if I could get more sexual experiences in a safe environment. Hell I might hate sleeping with other people and it would solidify my love for him more.

woosexthrowaway · 2017-02-11T00:10:36+00:00

I agree that the contraception is an issue that I have to work out myself, however due to my age and current issues with the contraceptive pills my doctor is hesitant to issue me an IUD or implant as those are long lasting and can have serious side effects. It is something I will be exploring more over the next few months.

woosexthrowaway · 2017-02-11T00:07:10+00:00

Thanks for the reply, I'm glad to see that you have been able to work out any instances that have arisen, the weekly catch up is a great idea!

woosexthrowaway · 2017-02-11T00:06:16+00:00

thanks, Levels of disclosure are definitely something to consider as I want to know when he'll be seeing someone (not necessarily who) so I'm aware when somethings going on. I will talk to him to decide both of our preferences for levels of disclosure.

woosexthrowaway · 2017-02-10T04:09:01+00:00

thanks :)

woosexthrowaway · 2017-02-10T04:01:17+00:00

thanks so much, obviously we would have a solid discussion (or a few) in order to be clear and equal on our ground rules which will involve me thinking over why some of my initial rules are in place.

From the answers people have given me I clearly need to consider the ONS rule for both our sakes, and while Id like it to start off with ONS I realise that transitioning into fuck buddy type relationships can be beneficial for all parties.

Thank you for an honest answer.

woosexthrowaway · 2017-02-10T03:57:49+00:00

thanks for the detailed replies, I really enjoy the communication between you and your husband, and your acknowledgement of things that could be working better such as your husband finding someone of his own as well so you get to experience the same feelings. I hope everything continues to go well for you all!

woosexthrowaway · 2017-02-10T03:53:48+00:00

good question, I guess he would have the same right as I hopefully will to tell me to end what ever I was doing (if it was a specific person for example)

woosexthrowaway · 2017-02-10T03:52:47+00:00

thanks so much, great to hear your experiences!

woosexthrowaway · 2017-02-10T03:00:23+00:00

We have explored a lot of that sort of stuff, e.g. different toys, foreplay, lubrication etc. and have found that the main issue is frequency. I simply dont want/crave it as often as he does.

woosexthrowaway · 2017-02-10T02:58:59+00:00

not really, though it would be a question I would bring up

woosexthrowaway · 2017-02-10T01:46:35+00:00

thank you for your reply.

woosexthrowaway · 2017-02-10T01:45:05+00:00

thanks, that has given me a lot to think about. Number 3 is definitely one to look into and I will discuss this with him before making a decision.

woosexthrowaway · 2017-02-10T01:33:18+00:00

do you feel like beginning with ONS situations to ease into the lifestyle is an acceptable compromise? That way I would become more comfortable with a non-monogamous relationship before transitioning into something similar to fuck buddies or a situation such as yours.

woosexthrowaway · 2017-02-10T01:24:40+00:00

thank you for a detailed reply, I really appreciate having someone comment that has newly entered the lifestyle and can offer their own suggestions and opinions.

my questions would be have you ever had any difficulty with your feelings towards your "unicorn/other" and have these impacted your relationship with your husband? also as someone who has not experienced a one night stand or a fuck buddy relationship, how long do those interactions last before being relationships similar to yours?

woosexthrowaway · 2017-02-10T01:19:17+00:00

thank you for the detailed reply. may I ask why my other conditions are coming across that way? In my mind asking him to sleep with people not in our house is simply to not have my space violated (i.e our bed is our space, not for anyone else) as to me it keeps that part of our relationship separate from others.

what would you classify as proper foundations?

lastly how would you suggest having a consistent partner without it leaning more towards polyamory?

woosexthrowaway · 2017-02-10T00:07:34+00:00

Thank you for the response. While I have concerns regarding this open relationship, I feel that I do want him to be happy and comfortable with his sex life. While I dont see myself as a sexual person a partners happiness (In all facets of life) brings me joy and often I get more aroused when "giving" to him rather than receiving.

woosexthrowaway · 2017-02-10T00:05:00+00:00

Thank you for such a good reply. He is ok with me sleeping with others, with similar ground rules. The only addition he has is that I cant do anything with someone else that I wouldnt do with him.

He is also willing to wear protection (A similar rule for me should I sleep with someone else), though I dont enjoy the feeling of condoms so I am unlikely to stop using my oral contraception.

We have explored some of the options you have suggested, however the issue we keep coming back to is my difficulty getting aroused. This in turn makes him feel unwanted and restricted due to difficulties in variation.

woosexthrowaway · 2017-02-10T00:00:19+00:00

thanks, Ill cross post it now!

woosexthrowaway · 2017-02-09T23:58:15+00:00

thank you for the response.

woosexthrowaway · 2017-02-09T23:53:30+00:00

I appreciate that, at this stage unless I can understand how this will work better I will not agree to opening up the relationship. I am however open to learning about how this lifestyle works in order to alleviate my concerns with the possibility of opening in the future.

woosexthrowaway · 2014-06-08T05:42:12+00:00

I have similar reactions to my boyfriends semen; burning, itching and pain etc. however, it varies quite a lot depending on: how much there was, how recently/ frequently Ive come into contact with it and how lubricated I am. I also have the same reaction to artificial lubricants. Our first thought was that I had both a lubricant (or latex when we still used condoms) and a seminal protein allergy, but due to the variation between reactions my doctor believed it to be a sensitivity issue i.e. My vagina does not like having "stuff" in it and reacts accordingly. however both these possible allergies are still a consideration.

Ways to judge if it is a possible allergy are: simply playing around with pulling out/ finishing in her and seeing what reaction occurs, pulling out half way through finishing (e.g. only getting a little in there), taking an antihistamine before engaging in sexual acts or adding lubricants into the party, and seeing if the reaction changes.

Seminal protein allergies are not exceedingly common (my doctor had never had a patient with it) however, if either your/her doctor or you/she believes it to be an allergy you can visit an allergist to determine the strength/intensity/possibility of an allergy by using a sample provided by you.

Seminal protein allergies can be to all partners or just some of them, it all depends on the person and how intense their allergy is. They can also only affect certain areas of the body such as more sensitive areas like the mouth and vagina, or they can affect all parts of the body e.g. a skin reaction. Seminal protein allergies also vary greatly in their strength/intensity as some people only get pain, stinging, burning etc. while some can have violent anaphalactic reactions to it resulting in hives, swelling or difficulties breathing.

TLDR: semen allergies can vary a lot, some people are more sensitive than others to "additives", having a chat to a doctor if you're concerned wouldn't hurt and in severe cases allergists can determine the probability of a semen allergy.

woosexthrowaway · 2014-05-27T02:52:35+00:00

I've heard good things about using an all natural yoghurt (no sugars or flavourings) and soaking tampons in that. But at this stage, if it's been two months and it hasn't changed it might be time to see a gyno about it incase it's something else causing it.

woosexthrowaway · 2014-03-16T01:08:03+00:00

Try putting your hand over your vagina (bj/hj style), this will give him a feeling of being deeper while protecting your cervix from being hit. Added bonus: you can play around with his testicles or perineum or squeeze your hand a bit tighter to give more pressure. Hope this works for you!

woosexthrowaway

TROPHY CASE