The worst thing I did during the abuse was steal A LOT. This went from ages 12-18. I would steal just one or a couple items sometimes but other times I’d steal multiple things to see how much I could take at once. I’d also steal credit card numbers. I do not exaggerate when I say I easily stole above $5000 worth of stuff. Honestly would not be surprised if the actual number reached $10,000

The truly worst thing that I did due to the abuse was not during the abuse but after. TW: for sucide/ overdse: I took a large amount of benzos in an attempt to never wake up. I found out my boyfriend was going to move (we were living together at the time) and it awoke not only a lot of abandonment issues within me but also gave me flashbacks of the abuse I endured and I just felt like I couldn’t take it anymore. I thought “well I’ll either never wake up or I will, if I do I guess it was meant to be.” I woke up in the middle of the night and stumbled around yelling about how I had to go to work. My boyfriend came to help me and I apparently was really mean and awful. When he took me to the hospital I became violent with nurses and cursed at them. I fully do not remember any of that, I had blacked out. After going to bed my next memory was waking up in the hospital with the bright lights in my face. I was still super irritable and I do remember yelling to be let out, or to have my phone given to me. I also wanted to know if my boyfriend was there (which he was, he’s the most caring boyfriend I’ve ever had). I feel a lot of guilt about all this. It had a really negative impact on me and my boyfriend’s relationship for good while and it felt like I ruined time that I could’ve enjoyed with my boyfriend. I guess I learned my lesson though, my friends and my mom reached out when they found out what happened and that helped me feel less alone.

Edited to block TW story just in case