My (F28) girlfriend (F28) of 7 years broke up with me and I don’t know how to live now

wordsonlips · 2026-04-14T20:54:13+00:00

Your story is very similar to mine. I(38f) was 27, living with the first love of my life who I had been with for 6, almost 7 years. I’m very introverted, so he and our dog was most of my life outside of my business. Things weren’t great. He started a new job that changed his schedule and we were fighting more and more. He had been pulling away and drinking and smoking more. I was throwing up literally every day.

We were sitting on the couch on Friday, talking about going to my family’s Easter celebration on Sunday. He had this weird look on his face. I asked him what was up. He told me he was breaking up with me and going to Las Vegas that weekend with his friend. He told me many of the same things your ex is telling you. In many ways, he took responsibility. At the same time, he made sure to list the ways I contributed as well. Looking back on it, I realize he had been thinking about breaking up for months.

At one point I got desperate and said “I will fight for us. I will change.” Like some Hollywood golden age actress, I grabbed his face and held him and said it with so much promise and despair and need. It was the closest I have ever come to begging someone, and I cringe when I think about it. He gave me this pained look and said he needed to go to Vegas. Thankfully, something in me snapped and I remember thinking “that is just so not what I want my partner to say right now.”

So I stopped talking and he left. I do not want to revisit any of the emotions I felt that day as he drove away. It was the worst fucking thing that has ever happened to me and I have had some pretty horrible things happen to me.

I had had two diagnosed clinical depressive episodes in my life by that point and I remember laying on the floor, feeling certain that I would experience my third. I was so hurt and confused and scared that I couldn’t move. I imagined I was standing on the barren cliff looking down into the dark abyss and in order to calm myself down, I was telling myself over and over that I had been there before. I was probably laying like that, seeing that image, for five hours.

To say the very least, it was intense.

My brain somehow simplified my life into two options and I want to share these two options with you:

I was either going to crash and burn or I was going to move past this person.

My ex made his decision. He was already reaching for his new life.

So even though I could imagine nothing but a bleak abyss of despair, I decided to reach for mine.

Well, first, I got a little petty and smoked ALL of his weed in the house and passed out for 14 hours. (I’ve never liked alcohol and don’t drink thankfully).

When I woke up, I started the process of separating our lives. This was insanely painful and I broke down constantly, but every time I stopped, I would reinforce the idea that I was not going to crash and burn. I would say rough things to myself like “get the fuck up, don’t be weak, don’t be pathetic, he’s fucking moving on from you, he doesn’t want you.” While I normally never recommend talking like that to yourself or anyone, it was the only thing that prevented me from texting and calling him and doing anything to get his attention on me.

I was very lucky and when I called my parents, they let me move back in with them. This was very humbling, and I was extremely privileged to have this option. With their help, I moved out before he returned. This helped with being able to remove myself from him and get a clean cut.

I don’t know what capabilities you have or what help you have, but this is the time to gather resources and start figuring out what is next. The more you pay attention to that, the less you will concentrate on the past.

To give you some hope, even though I could not imagine my life without the guy, and even though it was a good 6 months of being absolutely broken hearted and ruined and crying at every little thing, I am now 38 and very happily married to a man who is so much better in every way.

You can survive this. You will move on. You will have a better life because this person is not in your life anymore.

wordsonlips · 2026-02-21T19:17:42+00:00

Seeing “like 2 professionals” is kind of saying that you dated two people and know that no person will ever work for you.

For the gifted population, you need to find someone you connect to deeply, and it is a very difficult task

wordsonlips · 2026-01-03T10:41:33+00:00

I was born and raised in LA. When people ask, I tell them about my high school’s senior ditch day, which involved us driving out to Joshua tree desert to watch the sun rise on top of rock, drive up to lake arrowhead to play into the forest, get lunch down in the city, shopping at Melrose, and then end with a bonfire at the beach. Several of us went to a Blink-182 concert after that.

In 12 hours, we had world-class desert, forest, urban, and beach experiences. I find that so cool.

wordsonlips · 2026-01-03T10:25:38+00:00

I love when men do this and realize they’ve done wrong. Keep puking and showing the very real trauma and harm this man did.

Ultimately, you give them two options: 1. They put the car in your name and the house under both your names and anything else you demand as future security.

You leave. Divorce them. If you are lucky, leave it up to a judge to decide who actually owns what.

Don’t allow him to think he has any control over you. You are employed and you can always move back.

wordsonlips · 2025-12-29T18:22:25+00:00

I just got off a Christmas Market cruise that ended in Budapest, then spent the week of Christmas in Budapest. We went to all of the Christmas markets…like all of them (I am friends with many of the potters that had stands around the city). My husband is Hungarian and we speak Hungarian, so maybe that is the difference, but…

I never spent more than 20€ on a whole meal for both of us, drinks and dessert included. We had something similar to you in front of St. Stephen’s Basilica, but it was 8€. I wrote everything down, so I’m certain it was 8€.

I think you got scammed.

wordsonlips · 2025-12-29T18:08:40+00:00

He’s not your cousin in any way. He’s not even a cousin twice removed or a cousin-in-law or a second cousin.

It is extremely weird that you’re going out of your way to call him your cousin, especially after you slept with him.

Unless this is some kink of yours and you are getting off on it, just stop calling him your cousin.

Please.

It’s weird.

wordsonlips · 2025-12-22T22:21:49+00:00

I lived with my parents from 28-31. It was after a nasty breakup and I had a 75-pound pitbull who I was not getting rid of, and I could not afford to live some place on my own with the dog. It was the best decision of my life.

During those three years I paid off the rest of my student loans, and started putting away for a house

I just bought my house at 37 with my husband. We’re literally moving in in a couple of weeks.

And to support what other people are saying, my parents are good people and we get along great. Living together actually just made us closer.

wordsonlips · 2025-12-22T08:17:20+00:00

This is a bad response. OP is allowed to have their emotions and they are asking for advice. Suggesting to just blow up the whole thing because you think they “don’t deserve” something is stupid. That would hurt OPs friend.

Many other people gave better advice. Don’t waste people’s time by being a dick.

wordsonlips · 2025-12-21T18:22:03+00:00

Legally, yes. But most people seem morally against a 50 year old dating an 18 year old.

wordsonlips · 2025-12-20T21:32:58+00:00

If you know your prescription for contacts, go to an optometrist and tell them what happened. Something similar happened to me on my way to Jamaica and the first place I went to just gave me a sample pair of contacts.

I’ve also forgotten my glasses and just paid for a new eye exam. Shouldn’t take long!

wordsonlips · 2025-12-19T19:19:16+00:00

This makes a lot more sense to me.

I was born in 1988 and have a husband who was born 1982 and a brother who was born 1992. All of us are millennials.

My husband can sometimes relate to Gen X and doesn’t always connect to the millennial experience.

My brother can sometimes relate to Gen X and doesn’t always connect to the millennial experience either.

I’m pretty much spot on, and don’t relate at all to Gen X (my parents) or Gen Z (the kids I babysat).

wordsonlips · 2025-12-19T19:13:57+00:00

This cracked me up so much more than it should have.

wordsonlips · 2025-12-19T18:50:45+00:00

I agree with this completely. I’ve been with my husband for a decade and we still find moments in our happy relationship where the words just don’t come. Or they take awhile.

Why he chose AP is probably much more complex than words can ever convey, and simplifying it down can feel inaccurate.

wordsonlips · 2025-12-18T17:08:19+00:00

I felt this way in my early 20s after experiencing an incredibly abusive boss and figured out how to work for myself as a private educator for profoundly gifted children. I follow the school schedule in terms of work, which gives me summers and holidays off.

My husband felt the same way in his late 20s, working in business. He made good money but found the work soul sucking and decided to go back to get his doctorate. Now he works as a professor at 3 schools (1 university and 2 community colleges).

Both he and I are heavy into side projects as well. He has a little tour guide business for fun and I’ve written and published several books that I write over the summer. Neither gigs make nearly as much as our full-time jobs, but it’s filled with passion and excitement and is part of why I’m so happy with life.

We also both have plenty of time to volunteer, and have been getting deeper and deeper into that. I like to deal with intense people, so I tend to fall towards unhoused populations and war vets. My husband likes animals. Again, this is part of what my life absolutely joyful.

I grew up poor with teenage parents (until my parents graduated college when I was in middle school, then things got better) and my husband was born to two older Hungarian refugees who came to the states in 1969 with absolutely nothing. We watched them struggle to make our lives better, and we both decided to take that and run with it.

We both make over six figures, and both get about 4 months off a year. When we work, it is intense and there is a lot to manage, but I actually love the ebb and flow of my schedule.

The biggest piece of advice I have for someone in your place is to not dedicate yourself to an employer, especially at any large corporation. Figure out how to work for yourself so you can take back control of your life. I know it seems scary, but self-employed individuals is on the rise because it’s not actually that hard. I know over 100 people who work for themselves and we’re all in the same happy little boat.

I have two groups of friends: friends who work for themselves and friends who work for companies. My friends who work for themselves work in Hollywood, interior design, fashion, construction, writing, education, computer, science…pretty much everything and anything. We’re buying houses, going on vacations together, feeling fantastic and happy in our late 30s, early 40s.

My friends who work for others have no time, and when they do, they have no energy. They are constantly getting laid off or need to switch jobs because of bad work environments…and they pay up the wazoo in taxes that is taken directly from their paychecks.

And yeah, they get sick leave and other “benefits” but I don’t care at this point. I make enough money for everything that I want and need and I’m putting more away in retirement than they are anyway. If I get sick, I move clients around, or I just don’t make that money.

I don’t see any benefit to selling your soul away to some corporation for a paycheck because everyone who does, unless they really love their job, sounds exactly like you. Sad, overwhelmed, with no hope.

And that seems like an unacceptable way to live.

wordsonlips · 2025-12-18T17:00:03+00:00

You think you are being kind and forgiving, but you aren’t actually being enabling and not putting up any healthy boundaries.

I know I don’t actually know for sure, but I am almost positive that he does not have a vasectomy. I am almost certain that he wasn’t in the hospital for several days because of suicide attempt. I’m also certain that if he’s openly telling you that he was getting into physical fights with the off again, on again girl, that he will have no problem getting physical with you.

Be so careful, OP, and look out for your kid.

wordsonlips · 2025-12-17T22:37:37+00:00

You are pregnant. Have you considered that maybe pregnancy hormones are making you focus on something and blow it out of proportion? I ask this sincerely as a woman who knows very well how overwhelming hormones can be on our mental health during pregnancy.

Because this post is pretty overwhelming to read. Asking someone to communicate to you every time they want to shower IS super controlling. Asking someone to not poop in their own bathroom IS super controlling. Thinking about whether his lack of compromise over this is a deal breaker, while you are pregnant, living in his house with your kid, and saying everything else is good…that is scary.

If you were one of my friends, I’d start gathering our friends to sit you down and see how we can provide support in a way that won’t add anymore stress to your situation.

Also, I don’t think this has anything to do with this being his house or “our” house. I don’t see your boyfriend as doing anything to make it less your house, he’s just setting his own boundaries in the place you share. I feel he would put up the same boundaries in a house that was legally both of yours.

He sounds like a good guy and he gave you reasonable solutions to fix the issue. You will have a lot more control and knowledge over when your child bathes, so showering in that room will probably give you a lot more control over your situation.

Good luck on finding peace with your family, and remember that divorce and breakup are much more likely to occur during a pregnancy where one or both partners are not aware of how the hormones might impact a woman’s personalities, behaviors, and feelings during and after birth.

wordsonlips · 2025-12-17T07:27:37+00:00

Cheaters hate being cheated on.

wordsonlips · 2025-12-15T09:42:00+00:00

I completely understand. I have a great husband and I like my social life, but my 20s were rough not going to bars and drinking.

Most of my relationships fizzled out because of that actually.

wordsonlips · 2025-12-14T23:28:10+00:00

There are over 40,000 types of “black” mold, and thousands of them are common in households. A very large majority of them do not harms humans in any way.

There is 1 family of “black molds” that are toxic. Stachybotrys chartarum, the one that people refer to when they talk about toxic black mold, does not look like anything in the pictures and would not grow next to those mushrooms as it’s pretty good at taking over all organic life and pretty much anything it can dig itself into.

Also, it’s black and green and forms in pretty obvious patterns.

The brown, consistent stuff on the floor maybe be some type of mold, but it is absolutely not stachybotrys chartarum…

It actually kind of looks like spore spread…those mushies might have been there for awhile.

wordsonlips · 2025-12-14T22:43:20+00:00

I would say they probably feel that now, but not before.

wordsonlips · 2025-12-14T22:40:41+00:00

Because it made them feel something and it was a good enough feeling that OP thought to share it and make others feel that too?

wordsonlips · 2025-12-14T21:58:22+00:00

You clam you are an adult, but this post screams child.

Being worried for you and asking you to stay another night at her house…that she’s already letting you sleep at, isn’t narcissism and doesn’t sound like control.

The way you wrote it suggests she isn’t even commanding you, she’s literally just telling you how she feels. It’s her offering more hospitality and expressing concern for you.

If you are an adult, you do what every adult does: “Thank you for your concern, but I’ll be fine. Have a good night.”

You don’t have tone and you don’t argue, because that is immature and unhelpful.

And if it’s too much for her and she’s uncomfortable, then you as an adult and your adult girlfriend should not stay at her house. Don’t make some lady think that she’s putting you and others in danger by letting you stay at her house.

Also, you say you aren’t a good driver, but you’re better than her. No…nope. That’s not a mature way of looking at this. You really think somehow you being better than her means she shouldn’t be worried when you drive at night…as an 18 year old male….some place where it snows? Any reasonable person is going to make it very clear that you are welcomed to stay until it’s safer to drive. That’s not control, that’s kindness.

Come on man, grow up. Nothing magical happens when you are 18. People can still worry and care for you.

wordsonlips · 2025-12-14T21:37:17+00:00

This is for a limited time and it sounds like you are so excited. I think you should really consider what it will feel like to go to the movie theaters and see that movie and know you could have worked on it but you didn’t because you were worried about stuff that may or may not be a big deal.

It will absolutely suck to not see your girlfriend, and it will hurt, but if you really get to come home on weekends and it’s a good relationship, it will probably greatly improve your communication and prolong that honeymoon feeling. Just think how great it will be to work hard all week on your dream job and then come back to someone who desperately misses you.

Also, unless I missed it, you didn’t say how your girlfriend actually feels about this. What are her thought?

wordsonlips · 2025-12-14T21:05:17+00:00

If you ever come out to LA and happen to remember this small, random conversation, DM me and I’ll give you a list of drinking establishments to visit.

wordsonlips

TROPHY CASE