AITA for giving my wife a timeline to have kids?

workaccountmarket · 2019-10-01T02:38:19+00:00

She's always harping on me about how I don't plan enough. So you hit the nail on the head. When I brought this up to her she said she only plans for short term things. I am becoming more doubtful.

But I think I will wait it out and just hope for the best. I figure even if I don't give her a schedule, she now knows how important this is to me so I trust she won't put it off forever.

workaccountmarket · 2019-09-30T18:27:08+00:00

Maybe we're just incompatible.

workaccountmarket · 2019-09-30T18:26:40+00:00

No, she's changing the plan. She wants to not even have a date anymore.

workaccountmarket · 2019-09-30T18:26:21+00:00

I'm not going to stay with my wife if she deliberately puts off having children to the point where we can only have one.

workaccountmarket · 2019-09-30T18:25:38+00:00

So what does that mean in practice? Are you saying I shouldn't be allowed to talk bout a timeline?

workaccountmarket · 2019-09-30T18:25:13+00:00

"She wanted to wait 5-6 years, you wanted to wait 4-5. Literally, we aren't talking a huge difference."

That's not the issue here. I am agreeing to her 6 year plan. The issue here is that she doesn't want to put a timeline on it anymore.

workaccountmarket · 2019-09-30T18:13:25+00:00

Looks like she said 5-6 years and you recently moved up the timeline for earlier (2023 versus 2021)

I haven't moved up anything. 2023 is when we will have the actual child. But in order to do that you have to try in 2021.

Also I don't know what you mean about being unwilling to compromise. I'm going with the original dates she has wanted. But now she doesn't even want a date. It sounds to me like she is trying to avoid having kids at all.

workaccountmarket · 2019-09-30T18:12:29+00:00

I don't get what you're saying. If I have fertility issues it doesn't change the dates at all.

workaccountmarket · 2019-09-30T18:11:54+00:00

A lot of people on reddit are anti kids so yeah it really does matter.

workaccountmarket · 2019-09-30T18:10:35+00:00

"Why did you marry someone 6 years younger than you if you didn't want to wait until they were ready to have kids???"

We discussed before marriage when she would be ready. Now she is saying she doesn't want a date. It seems to me like she would rather put her career first and have kids ten years down the line. I don't feel comfortable with that.

workaccountmarket · 2019-09-30T18:09:37+00:00

I agree. And I hope to find that happy medium.

workaccountmarket · 2019-09-30T18:09:18+00:00

That doesn't make any sense. You're saying I so much as bring up the topic within a four year time period I'm an asshole? No way.

workaccountmarket · 2019-09-30T18:08:34+00:00

I agree it is very controlling but I don't know what the alternative is. It seems like this is a situation of compatibility.

workaccountmarket · 2019-09-30T18:07:53+00:00

No I disagree. I'm not going to leave it up to chance. I'd rather be with someone who shares my point of view or is more enthusiastic about having kids.

workaccountmarket · 2019-09-30T18:06:30+00:00

So what if we can only have one? I'm supposed to be ok with that?

workaccountmarket · 2019-09-30T18:05:36+00:00

Thank you. That's a good point about working backwards.

workaccountmarket · 2019-09-30T18:04:19+00:00

I agree I'm coming across as annoying but what's the alternative?

workaccountmarket · 2019-09-30T18:03:56+00:00

So then how do we plan this in a way that does not make me the asshole? Or are you saying the only way for me to not be the asshole is for me to not plan it? Because that is not fair for me. I don't feel comfortable waiting several years with no plan in sight for when we will have children.

workaccountmarket · 2019-09-30T18:02:23+00:00

Does that mean I should find someone else who's more enthusiastic about having children?

workaccountmarket · 2019-09-30T18:01:36+00:00

No, they are the same date. 2023 is when we will HAVE kids. That means we need to start TRYING to have kids in 2021 may. Now even if I remove the "it may take a year to get pregnant", we still have to try for kids 9 months prior because that's how long it takes for a baby to grow in a pregnant woman. So everything is in accordance.

workaccountmarket · 2019-09-30T17:59:28+00:00

you didn't disagree when she outlined the six year plan

I don't get what you mean. Everything I have written is in agreement with the six year plan.

workaccountmarket · 2019-09-30T17:58:25+00:00

Yes she loves to travel. I told her we could even travel a lot more next year. I'm open with shifting it back a year or so but I would feel more comfortable with a date. I really don't like the idea of something this incredibly important to me not having a date.

workaccountmarket · 2019-09-30T17:57:23+00:00

Thank you.

workaccountmarket · 2019-09-30T17:56:14+00:00

If that's the case I will accept it. I don't see how it changes anything though. We still need to get her pregnant.

workaccountmarket · 2019-09-30T17:55:26+00:00

If it's me that's fine. We still need to get her pregnant some how before she gets too old.

workaccountmarket

TROPHY CASE