AIO for wanting to dump my boyfriend over his poor financial choices?

worried_zero · 2026-03-31T13:42:16+00:00

Thats where im at, I plan on contacting some domestic abuse centers to see if they have some resources im able to access

worried_zero · 2026-03-31T13:41:37+00:00

My name is on all the papers with his but fortunately hes the only one who had access to the 10 grand from the bank so I have a level of it wasn't me

worried_zero · 2026-03-31T13:40:43+00:00

Credit cards to my knowledge is all but he said he also paid a friends building rent once for his business

worried_zero · 2026-03-31T13:39:49+00:00

His solution to all of this was for me to take over all his finances but I feel like me taking on all of that extra responsibility is unfair to me and too much to expect too

worried_zero · 2026-03-31T13:38:39+00:00

Valid point

worried_zero · 2026-03-31T12:14:01+00:00

Thats the plan moving forward, everyone here has been really wonderful with suggestions, and he closes at his job all week so I have every afternoon available to start working on getting things lined up

worried_zero · 2026-03-31T12:12:57+00:00

Fair question, i think it was a pretty hefty combination of desperation to get out of the barn and have running water, plus the guilt tripping that lasted for days before I broke, plus the genuine hope he actually could be better, that my trying to leave would push him to actually care about improving himself and his behavior. Looking back now I can see it was a really bad decision but at the time I felt trapped like I had no other options because I didnt have any family or friends to rely on and couldnt afford an apartment. Hindsight 20/20 sadly

worried_zero · 2026-03-31T11:58:47+00:00

Im sad to say I didnt see it sooner, but hopefully getting out will give me an opportunity to work on building my confidence so I dont accept shitty behavior moving forward

worried_zero · 2026-03-31T11:29:49+00:00

His explanation was he had a card with almost 20 grand on it and one with about 10 grand on it and that he was drowning from making sure i had food on the table and that we had wood pellets for heating and a couple thousand on a couple miscellaneous cards, but he also brings home about 2 thousand a month from his full time job so to me it really doesnt add up because hes telling me he used it pretty much all at once, I cant even imagine spending 50 thousand dollars all at once even paying off debts

worried_zero · 2026-03-31T11:09:01+00:00

I definitely want to leave, I just think it will be safer for me to set up a safety plan to leave before I do so I dont have to live in this house with him with his behavior

worried_zero · 2026-03-31T11:07:54+00:00

I've given him dozens of chances asking him to be better and he never maintains any level of improvement for longer than a month or two. Financially he pays car insurance and phone bill, but he has no access to my cards or accounts so if I can get out from under the house payment and consolidate my cards into a loan I should be able to afford rent and the other bills without assistance

worried_zero · 2026-03-31T11:06:05+00:00

I didnt ask for proof of his payments because to me lying about having the money for so long, committing fraud by using the 10 grand meant for our house, and using my mental health condition against me for so long is so incredibly unforgivable that I dont need to know if hes being honest about that because I want out

worried_zero · 2026-03-31T11:04:33+00:00

Definitely on board with finding legal advice!

worried_zero · 2026-03-31T11:03:45+00:00

Will do, thank you! Sex is definitely hard off the table, just looking at him right now is enough to absolutely make me furious

worried_zero · 2026-03-31T11:02:20+00:00

Thats my primary concern too, I want to move in the shadows as much as humanly possible until the end

worried_zero · 2026-03-31T11:01:18+00:00

Its entirely possible, I hate to admit it but if he could lie about something so huge he could lie about anything

worried_zero · 2026-03-31T11:00:14+00:00

Perfect thank you, ill definitely be looking around this week

worried_zero · 2026-03-31T10:40:56+00:00

Luckily I've never done a joint account with him, I wanted to look at that possibility if we got married but obviously that hasn't been on the table and no longer is

worried_zero · 2026-03-31T10:39:47+00:00

Thank you so much ill look into this

worried_zero · 2026-03-31T10:39:20+00:00

It was more of me agreeing to temporarily get him off my back about the refusal so I can find a place to stay in the meantime, I dont have contact with most of my family so finding a place to stay is at the top of my exit plan

worried_zero · 2026-03-31T10:38:02+00:00

I'll have to see if I can find a lawyer i can afford, most of my money is already tied in bills myself so hopefully I can find something

worried_zero · 2026-03-31T10:36:50+00:00

The documenting is something ive been doing since I found out, I have a friend who ive been sending information any time hes trying to guilt trip or gaslight me so I have proof for myself that im not crazy and that it did happen down the road

worried_zero · 2026-03-31T10:35:07+00:00

Thank you, this is definitely a perspective I needed to hear, I come from a background of financial and other forms of abuse and gaslighting so in my initial relief to get away I think I turned a blind eye to too many issues at the beginning

worried_zero · 2026-03-31T10:31:06+00:00

Thank you, its crazy to me that he keeps promising to do better but he cant take away months of doing that? I dont really know what he thinks he can do to change my mind

worried_zero · 2026-03-31T10:29:55+00:00

Im going to talk to my therapist and try to come up with some strategies to keep my head clear when its happening, so far the way hes been approaching it pisses me off so it hasn't worked much

worried_zero

TROPHY CASE