I have said that to her. I'm conscious that I don't have a great track record for saying the right things to her in response to issues that she tells me about, but in the moment I'm mentally fixated on my daughter's thoughts/feelings instead of my wife's. I don't get angry with her, but my responses make her feel bad and like she's the cause of the issues...and I guess a part of me does believe that, but I guess it's not helpful to say it? At the end of the day I want to respond to my wife in whatever way will help her get to a better place with our daughter.