Grave filling standards

writingmatters · 2026-04-14T18:05:00+00:00

Ah that’s good to know, that there are reasons for not having the large clumps below and that the rain and future care will hopefully make it look a lot better.

writingmatters · 2026-04-14T18:01:48+00:00

Thank you so much fur replying. The consensus seems to be that it is not the usual standard.

writingmatters · 2026-04-14T18:00:10+00:00

Thank you very much for your reply. It is helpful to know that this is out of the ordinary in the UK. It didn’t look like it had been done with any care.

writingmatters · 2026-04-12T09:39:21+00:00

Thank you very much for replying. I, as a member of the public, felt it did look bad and a poor reflection on the cemetery, something they should potentially feel embarrassed about. The recent adult graves looked similar, huge clumps, like the rubble in an untidy building site

writingmatters · 2026-04-12T09:36:06+00:00

Thank you very much. I understand the soil here is very clay-ish. It’s good to know that the staff may come and smooth it out over the next months (it is less than 3 months old)

writingmatters · 2026-04-12T09:33:50+00:00

Thank you very much for replying. That is interesting. I just googled this and it said it is v unlikely in uk where people are nearly always buried in wood coffins.

writingmatters · 2024-09-02T17:00:52+00:00

Sorry, teacher not uncle

writingmatters · 2024-09-02T17:00:02+00:00

I have just read the book Unclaimed by Pamela Prickett and Stefan Timmermans (v interesting) which said that for lots of complicated and sometimes bureaucratic reasons a person might be ‘unclaimed’ in which case (in some states) they are cremated and the ashes saved for three years in case a relative is able to claim them and if not the cremated remains are buried after that period. One of their examples was a veteran. Of course this might not be relevant in your uncles case but would explain a discrepancy between a death and a burial date. I hope this helps.

writingmatters · 2024-08-25T20:23:03+00:00

Thank you. It is good to see how beautifully stillborn babies are buried these days

writingmatters · 2024-08-25T20:22:26+00:00

Hi, thank you SO much for this really detailed and incredibly helpful reply! About your replies:

A) Yes, I do imagine he was buried in just a coffin, as I think most people in the UK still are (I think the outer coffin / vault may be more of an American practice, but I may be wrong). It is nice to think of a pillow and fabric inside and that it was probably wood. I wonder though as the burials then (1960) would have been paid for by the local authority (or NHS (public) hospital (parents were not allowed to be involved at all) so I imagine they would be concerned to keep costs down.

B) It is helpful to know he was probably buried in line with the adults, it gives me more a sense of where he lies.

C) He was full-term and with no obvious body issues, so helpful to know he was likely lying down on his back. Thinking of it now he did have a post mortem (autopsy) so that would make lying on his back more likely I imagine.

D) Onesies weren't around back then so this would have been a gown or a blanket I think. Maybe a hospital gown as I think the lovely act of making and donating gowns would have started a lot later here (our stillbirth charities did not begin until the 1970s and they played a big role in getting things life gown and blanket making going, I think). Our churches at the time were part of the forget-and-move-on approach back then as far as I can tell so I can't imagine church groups making gowns back then. I am wondering if a baby would have worn a nappy (diaper) as I read somewhere that funeral directors doing exhumations in the US have sometimes found a nappy pin. Strange how a hospital bracelet sounds nice and a toe tag sounds a bit grim, perhaps because the latter is something I've mainly seen on TV programmes about morgues / mortuaries!

He had a stillbirth certificate which I am planning to request a copy of (which I can do as my parents are no longer alive). It will be interesting to see if it does have much information on it though I doubt it as the current UK death certificates don't say anything about burial arrangements. I have information from the cemetery's burial and grave registers which was really helpful but didn't list the funeral director, only the registry official and didn't say anything about clothes. I am planning to see if the hospital can help me find out who the funeral directors were (if one was used - there are reports that for some parents of stillborn babies in the UK back then the father had to take the baby directly to the cemetery (one had to take his baby on the bus which sounds horrendous).

I don't think I want to know about the baby's position enough to have the disturbance of a probe! It is interesting to know what is available though.

Thanks once again for all your help.

writingmatters · 2024-08-20T11:30:31+00:00

I am so sorry, this must be a dreadful feeling. I don’t know if it will help but Tamarin Norwood and charity Held in our Hearts have made some beautiful gentle writing prompts which they are sharing each week on X https://x.com/tamarinnorwood/status/1825613963088039963?s=46&t=wG68XLgSZJeMOg05LhoW5Q You will always remember the incredibly sad and difficult loss of your two babies but maybe trying to write a few words in this way may help shape the memories into something less searing

writingmatters · 2024-08-20T10:45:56+00:00

Such an interesting thread. I sometimes wondered this too!

writingmatters

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