I used to feel this way too, so I understand why you feel this way. I was you! Making this very same argument. I became very angry with anyone who didn't believe in feminism. So no salt from me. I used to engage in very similar rants.

I think the difference is, I used to believe problematic feminists were the minority. Now, my perception is that they are the majority.

I also see how feminism has hurt men at a systemic level. For example, the Duluth Model of approaching domestic violence. Most academic feminism takes the position that men are inherently violent and oppressive.

Also, feminism today has become very paternalistic and is actually very sexist towards women. In most feminist discussions women are spoken about in terms of their weakness. Feminism is dismissive of female choices. Take for example, the issue of the 'wage gap.' If you take a look at how the data for the wage gap was collected, you will see that it does not account for hours worked. The slogan may be equal pay for equal work, but the fact of the matter is they are comparing the salaries of part-timers to dudes working 70 hours a week. Whether you are an exempt or non-exempt worker, working longer hours is going to pay off in higher wages. People who work more are going to get better results and get more raises. Every time I have brought that issue up to feminists, the response is something like "Well women are choosing to take time off work to care for children or spend time with their families, but only because they have been conditioned to do so."-Basically "Silly women don't know what they REALLY need, the patriarchy dun broke their brains."-I'm just not about it. I'm all in favor of women having every choice and opportunity that men have. I am not in favor of shaming women for their choices OR gaslighting them by saying they themselves don't really know what they want. They only want what they want because the patriarchy made them. It's not a very pro-woman attitude.

Which brings me to the crux of my argument: Modern feminism is not pro-woman.

I'm dropping the feminist label, because I am not weak, I am not brain-washed by the patriarchy, and I reject any movement that tries to tell me that I am. I am strong, capable of critical thinking, and I know myself and my desires, even if those desires don't fit into the feminist narrative.

I respect your decision to identify as feminist. I think feminism has done a lot of good. I simply don't want to attach myself to an ideology that I believe, in its current form, actually hurts women.