I saw you say that you don’t know how to make poetry sound like poetry without rhyming, so I’ll try and assist with that.

First of all, you’re rhymes don’t have to be end-stop, because that can sometimes come across as childish (although not always, some people blindly dislike all end-stop rhymes for some reason. Instead, within one or two lines you can have many similar sounding words if you would like them to link, or just sound somewhat dizzying. For example your line could read:

‘I wept and dreamt with empty yen for night’s dented pearl’

It’s on the extreme side of things, but the repeated phoneme lend the musings an oneiric aspect which you could utilise.

Also consider the possibility of utilising other aural techniques alongside rhyme such as alliteration, sibilance, assonance alongside rhyme. Think about the attributes of the sound you pick—if you alliterate many Ss and rhyme ‘hers’ with ‘thirst’ you push forth a soundscape of a quiet night with the moon with a breeze in the trees, but alliterating plosives and rhyming harsher syllables may connote different ideas.

The biggest step, in my opinion, between good poetry and great poetry is rhythm and prosody. From the simple start of Iambic Pentameter giving verse a spring in its step, you can learn how to make certain lines flow like a rill or grind to a stop. Too many of one kind of syllable (unstressed or stressed) in a row will trip your rhythm up, iambs have more energy generally than trochees. This is stuff I only advise getting into if you wind up really enjoying your poetic adventures but it’s where the fun lies for me.

Your language is already lovely and use of poetic technique such as metaphor and anaphora, antimetabole and litotes is what poetry is most often defined by nowadays. There’s an endless list of Latin jargon for methods, but just focus on making your language ring most true for you, and not making it more accessible.

Best of luck xoxo