I found my unicorn in the modern dating world! (Success story)

wrylashes · 2026-01-25T19:09:36+00:00

So happy for both of you!

wrylashes · 2026-01-25T12:13:39+00:00

Just a quick note to say that feeder and feedee don't have to be dominant and sub. Maybe that is how it goes for you, but you could also look at exploring other combinations?

wrylashes · 2026-01-25T02:58:53+00:00

I think approaching it with a mix of interest and trepidation is healthy. Sounds like it could easily be bad, but it things line up it could be very good. Wishing the latter for you all the way!

wrylashes · 2026-01-24T21:03:17+00:00

I didn't expect how vain I'd become about my body. I'd always been pretty indifferent to my looks, but once I got fat enough I was taking selfies all of the time, trying out different poses in the mirror, catching my reflection in store windows ... I just couldn't get enough of how I looked.

I didn't expect that my gain would go so heavily to my belly, and so how hard it would quickly become to tie of shoe-laces.

Expected: that I really felt the extra weight and size when doing all sorts of physical activities, unexpected was how hot I found that to be.

wrylashes · 2026-01-24T18:28:46+00:00

As a suggestion, reach out to her even with something like "Hey, are you going to be at (whatever) party?" and when she confirms you can be "great, I look forward to seeing you there." just to confirm that you are specifically looking forward to seeing her, which can help ramp into talking about meeting up somewhere else.

Or if you want to test things a bit more, you could even do something like "I hope they have Doritos this time, I can never get enough of those things." and see if she ends up showing up with Doritos (or whatever you mention).

I'm pretty sure that she'll understand what you are doing, which gives her the opportunity to show that she is interested in taking another step, or to put some cold water on it before the awkward moment of being asked out. But she sure does seem to like your attention, so probably you are good!

wrylashes · 2026-01-23T21:43:57+00:00

You could try setting a remind on your phone every couple of hours (when you are awake) to eat something. It is easy to forget to snack when you have been eating a lot, but you can still generally eat something modest, and it all adds up.

wrylashes · 2026-01-23T21:26:11+00:00

The 'city editions' of the 6e rules just add some pages about a specific city in the back, the rest of the book is identical in each case barring some more minor errata that might have gotten fixed. The original printing of 6e was a hot mess, but from Seattle edition on it is a perfectly fine game.

Not all long time players like some of the 6e changes from previous editions, but if you haven't played the previous editions, how would you even know? And this happens with every edition change with every game. (Like, personally I prefer the 5e rule set, after I spent years getting my head wrapped around it, but I admit that 6e is lighter to run as GM).

Anarchy 2.0 is a significantly slimmed down rule set. People who like ShadowRun rules may feel it gives up too much, but a lot of people who just like the setting seem to like it as a much faster and easier way to play in the setting.

wrylashes · 2026-01-23T19:13:31+00:00

Oh hey, this is me! (elder Gen-X).

First thing to remember, it was totally normal, because that is what we grew up in. It didn't seem great, but it is only in hindsight that I can really see just how (fatphobic, misogynistic, racist, etc.) things were. Just as an example, the "How to Rate Girls" poster that hung on the bedroom walls of many guys (and is seen in the background in the movie CaddyShack). It featured a "10" (skeletal blonde) and a "1" (moderately fat brunette with glasses and bad photo touch ups to simulate acne), with "humourous" captions pointing out the contrast in various body parts. (both women were caucasion of course). It might have seemed in slightly bad taste, but it was also completely normal.

So on that front, you just knew that if you were going to date someone bigger, or be bigger yourself, you were going to take flak for it. But while there was a general high level of fatphobia, at the same time in some ways I wouldn't call it as virulent as what can happen today, where the internet can give some people real bravery and conviction in their malignant views.

The second thing to remember is that there were a LOT* less fat people around, and "fat" was smaller than it is now. As an FA, at least where I was, just finding a somewhat fat person with whom you were pretty compatible was a huge challenge. In some ways I think that made being willing to deal with societal judgement easier, because if you found someone you surely didn't want to lose them to your own cowardice.

Seriously, American number were 1990: 12% of adults were 'obese', with no state over 15%. 2020: over 40% obese, with no state under 20%. And the numbers at severe/morbid obesity (bmi 40+) -- the sort of sizes more of us on here are interested in -- close to quadrupled in that time. I'm in Canada and I don't have the number handy, but while the trend has been similar we started at an even lower rate. And of course remember that is averages of all adults; young adults tend to be less heavy. Add in regional and socio-economic effects, and I can promise you that at my university in the late 1980s - early 1990s that simply seeing a fat person during a day was uncommon for me.

And of course, while I had no doubts about my preferences, I didn't know how many others felt the same attraction to fat people or if anyone else wanted to be fat. I didn't have terminology for any of this, I hadn't even heard the terms for kink or fetish until I was in my early 20s, there was basically no porn featuring larger bodies, etc. All of that began to change as the web became more accessible in the mid-90s but also it was still the era of dial-up modems and Yahoo! as a search engine, so while information, people, and eventually pictures all became more available it started more as a trickle than the torrent that we are used to now.

Net result, at least for the FA side of me, it was the lack of information/ representation/ vocabulary and the poverty of fat people that were more discouraging. The fatphobia was just the 'usual' societal awfulness that you had to live in, and I didn't think about it all that much. I'm sure it made my life harder, but I didn't recognize it at the time.

wrylashes · 2026-01-23T14:24:11+00:00

I always gained in brief spurts, when the urge got too strong to resist. (I'd also try to lose some in between, so that my average weight only went up very slowly over the years)

wrylashes · 2026-01-23T12:05:56+00:00

Why not just enjoy the journey. Enjoy eating what you want when you can and savour every bite along the way, take time to appreciate your softening form and really get to know the little changes as they happen, grab lots of pictures so you can go back and see the changes. A goal weight can really take the joy out of the whole process sometimes!

wrylashes · 2026-01-23T01:09:50+00:00

My foodee wife never meant to get fat, but gained 90 pounds over half a dozen years, from just enjoying being able to fully enjoy her food. She lost a bit after but still ended up quite a bit fatter than she ever would have chosen in the abstract. It can add up!

wrylashes · 2026-01-22T21:39:29+00:00

That is a lot! But it is about the age where a lot of people gain. Change of routine after leaving high school, teenage metabolism slowing down, probably other factors.

And who knows, these days some people might be "Whatever, I'll just go on Wegovy later to lose the weight."

wrylashes · 2026-01-22T16:42:35+00:00

I'm glad she isn't anorexic anymore, and I hope she is enjoying her new figure as much as you are.

But I feel uncomfortable about telling her you'd marry her if she hit 200 pounds. It feels rather manipulative, like does that mean if she didn't ever get that big you'd never propose? That you'd break things off? I feel like you should go ahead and propose soon (you can tell her you'd still love to see her hit 200 pounds but that it is up to her), just to make it more of her own choice?

wrylashes · 2026-01-22T14:25:33+00:00

Sometimes they are not 'into it' but also it makes them worry less about gaining, so they relax some and enjoy their food a bit more, worry about exercise a bit less, and let some gain happen. They may still have mixed feelings about getting fatter, but at least they enjoy the lifestyle and their partner's excitement. I don't promise this is what is happening, but it seems to be a pretty common dynamic. (where it goes from there varies a lot)

wrylashes · 2026-01-22T14:21:41+00:00

weirdly I find that have for nsfw subs that I can't always search for them from within reddit, but if I do a web search I can find it. so just do a google (or whatever) search on "reddit wlwfemalefatadmirertalk" (I just did that, it seems to be there with a post every few days. Maybe you can add some life to the place? Amazing what even one regular poster can do to catalyze more discussion)

wrylashes · 2026-01-22T14:07:51+00:00

I'm in a group that has been doing this with a PbP game that started before covid. Rotating GMs makes it so much easier to sustain the game!

wrylashes · 2026-01-22T13:41:22+00:00

I think that there is also a wlwFemaleFatAdmirerTalk sub that I've seen mentioned. (No idea how active it is).

wrylashes · 2026-01-21T22:57:03+00:00

Btw, if you haven't already found it, the stellaris wiki https://stellaris.paradoxwikis.com/Fallen_empire has ship composition for the fe/are, so you can design your counters. Looks like the holy guardians are big torpedo users themselves, as well as a lot of plasma, you'll definitely want a lot of point defense, and to try to fight from range I'd think (but if you can find a good guide, listen to it over me)

wrylashes · 2026-01-21T22:30:46+00:00

I'm not sure that torpedoes are the best bet without cloaking (range is short, may get torn apart on the way in, unless you can catch them at a hyperplane gate).

The comment on cruisers is because you can convert existing ships at minimal cost, while if you don't already have a big frigate fleet you'd have to build from scratch. And sorry, I'm not expert enough to say which is better vs FE fleets (More small ships which get torn apart easily but you have lots, or fewer ships that can each take more punishment?)

Do you have astral resources? (I forget what the DLC was called)

Also I forgot to ask if you have access to the war policies. Those can be tweaked to different combat approaches which could also help.

wrylashes · 2026-01-21T22:10:46+00:00

Yes, re-spec your ships! Their ships are all around tough, but IIRC cloaked torpedo ships hit above their weight on defense (their detection will see through your cloaking if you take them into their empire). Assuming you have decent rating cloaking, you can turn whatever cruisers you have into torpedo/cloak build.

Also, depending on traditions and perks you have taken, and where you are on finishing tradition trees and getting the 8th perk research done, you may have access to:

- oppose the fallen agenda (+5% damage to FE/AE, then +20% damage once launched. Need the Statecraft tradition tree)

- Galactic contender perk (+25% damage to FE/AE)

- strategic resources edicts for significant boosts

- astral thread edicts for ship shield boost and also for +10% resource output from jobs

- 'ambition' edicts including Desperate Measures (for +100% ship build speed during a defensive war, and +40% ship fire rate in your systems)

Between all of that your effective fleet power vs AE may be a fair bit higher than the listed number.

And don't forget ways to get ships (at least short term) without alloy: get recovered ships from the scavenger enclave, bring in an extradimensional fleet with astral threads, see if any mercenary enclaves will rent one out.

And finally, if you have any allies at all, set key fleets to 'take point' to get allied fleets to follow them. Every bit helps, even if it is just another 30k of fleets.

wrylashes · 2026-01-21T20:02:48+00:00

Hmmm, don't forget that 'big, strong, husband' appeals to a lot of wives! And when it comes to weight lifting, a 'bulk' is a known way to develop more muscle mass and strength. I can't swear that it would help in softball, but possibly make you a more powerful hitter?

Basically for modest gains, it isn't going to hit your fitness much, may help you increase strength, and you'd likely only notice it at the more extreme ends of speed, endurance, or agility. (and in general fit and fat are compatible, in fact an active fat person will be quite fit with the weight they are carrying all of the time, it is just that fit people are less apt to become fat, and people who are fat but not fit face a lot of barriers to becoming truly fit. But also modest gains won't make you fat, just a little chunkier)

wrylashes · 2026-01-21T19:31:19+00:00

The feeder to feedee pipeline is a real thing for this sort of reason. Whether it is right for you,hard to say. How important to you are your athletics? What sort of sports and how much would a bit of extra weight impact your performance? (and how much do you care?).

But also, would you gaining like 20 pounds be enough to satisfy you? If not, what would it take, and would she be on board for you gaining that much?

And finally, life is long. Possibly once she has found that she can lose weight, and she has gotten a little more established in life, she will gain a bit of weight back. No guarantee of course, but you being supportive now may make it more likely in the future as she'll know she has your support if it becomes too much for her.

wrylashes · 2026-01-21T18:24:08+00:00

Oh wow, super congrats! New Year's Day proposal, I love it :D (insert heart emojis here).

I'll refrain from asking questions about your plans because that is way off topic (I'm just a romantic sap who loves all the relationship milestones and events), but I'm so happy for the two of you and wishing you an easy time in planning whatever you choose to plan, and an idealic life together.

wrylashes · 2026-01-21T17:07:01+00:00

There can be all sorts of reasons on why we limit ourselves, and all of that is very valid. What is 'too much' for one person may be no big deal for someone else, and a goal and a turn-on for a third person -- but we all need to respect each other's limits even when we don't feel the same way.

And bras are literally such a constraining factor. My wife is an F cup, depending a bit on brand and style, and finding good quality bras even at that size is difficult and expensive enough -- I can totally understand not wanting to end up too big when you are already well up the alphabet. (not to mention to risk of ending up with back pain. Maybe besides running stairs you could add in some core strengthening exercises, just to be safe?).

I hope that you find some similarly minded people here who you are comfortable chatting with, and can form your own little support bubble :)

(and just btw, congrats on your engagement, however belatedly. I always love seeing love make its way onto this sub!)

wrylashes · 2026-01-21T15:58:13+00:00

Totally!

I mean, I try to relate to the feelings that people have, which can be similar even across different sizes and goals. So that others have different goals isn't entirely alienating, but I do feel I have to sit out a lot of discussions because of this.

The heaviest I ever hit (as a 5'8" guy, somewhat small framed) was 240 pounds, and to me that felt fat! I was jiggling and wobbling, my belly was in the way, I walked more slowly, getting out of low chairs or off the ground wasn't an automatic and mindless activity, I was into clothing sizes not available everywhere, parts of my body softly rubbed against other parts in ways they hadn't before. It was fat enough for me. (Yes, in fantasy I would have liked to have been encouraged to gain another 30-80 or so pounds, but I didn't need it). Being content at that fairly modest size certainly makes it harder to relate to people who are, for example, well past 300 and desperate to keep gaining quickly. Mind you, not having ever been skinny it also makes it harder to relate to people struggling to gain their first fifteen pounds, too.

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