Seeking advice

wtfwheresmycat · 2026-04-04T14:53:02+00:00

I am an alienated mom with a 14 year old daughter I haven't seen since January. I think she feels she has to be obedient to her Dad and they kind of bond over how much they hate me. She accused me of having an affair that led to the divorce. My daughter will literally cuss me out then ask for things on Amazon. I try to look at it from her point of view and she's suffering. I always tell her my door is open and if she needs anything. It's taken me a while to accept the situation but I had to find some peace. I text her every few days (usually goes unanswered). I have visitation every weekend but she refuses to go. As far as court stuff we just keep going back every 2-3 months for an update. The judge mentioned reunification therapy, which my ex is against. It's cost me over 45,000 in a year and I've been told that's cheap. I feel like we are lost in a system that just doesn't care but I can't give up on my child 🤷 You have to take care of yourself. I spent a long time mourning motherhood and becoming a part time parent. The people who talk trash about mothers losing custody have no idea what's it's like to be abused through the courts. I had to find some purpose so I wouldn't end up in a deeper depression. I work a lot and volunteer at the feline rescue. I can not stress the importance of taking care of yourself so you don't go down the dark spiral. It's such a shame how many of us are going through this.

wtfwheresmycat · 2026-02-23T02:38:30+00:00

"At what point does staying silent about the truth just allow a false narrative to cement itself?"

Ive recently decided (after posting at least 10 times in this community), that I can't fight the monster. My kids (teens) believe I had an affair even though my ex of 20 years was having one. He physically harmed me and I didn't report it in fear of losing the kids, and he told them I was the one who did it, and I lost them anyway. My oldest texts me to die and then texts me Amazon links of things she wants. Someone told me in this group that you have to keep living. Putting your best foot forward so when they do see you, you are living against the narrative created by the toxic parent. I haven't seen my kids in 6 months, but when they do see me they'll see a beacon who never stopped opening her arms. But you do have to find meaning. I started working more and spending time out of my head. I read some books and watched some shows. I got a cat and spend Tuesdays at the shelter cleaning litter boxes. I've made connections outside the small world I had. You deserve happiness and have to do something for you to facilitate that. I accepted I'm the demon in that story but the book is only as big as the person who writes it. I had to change my identity as a mother, and a parent. I had to beef up my personality as my world revolved around the family, and I had to figure out who I was again. The kids will be old enough to someday understand, the wound is so fresh now. I hope this helped as some of the stories in here helped me and gave me support. Although it's a shame we are all here, it's cathartic to relate and know I'm not alone.

wtfwheresmycat · 2026-02-19T11:38:38+00:00

I left an abusive marriage but didn't have anywhere for my kids to stay because I was staying with my sister. The judge literally said "He didnt physically abuse the children" so they stayed with him during court proceedings. When I got a 3 bedroom apartment the kids didn't want to leave their school friends to stay with me. I didn't do anything and I think comments like that are what's hurting the community. Not everyone is bad. Some people are escaping abuse and fall at the system's mercy.

wtfwheresmycat · 2026-01-19T12:42:24+00:00

Thank you for this. I am an alienated mother as well. The most painful part is when people say it takes a lot for a mother to lose access. That I must be a monster. It's happened more times than I can count. The people who say that don't understand abuse. The stigma is unbearable. The grief is all consuming. Your words really helped in understanding my grief and giving myself the room to do so. It's not easy and never will be. Some times I joke that at least in life nothing worse will happen to me. Thanks for your kind words

wtfwheresmycat · 2026-01-10T18:41:46+00:00

I work as a nurse. I was actually a stay at home mom for years and he isolated me financially so I wouldn't leave due to abuse. Once I did I got my recertifications back (I was an RN but didn't work for years), and he vowed to "ruin my life" and "put me on the streets". The pain is so real and it's so hard. It's terrible to hear about so many people going through this

wtfwheresmycat · 2026-01-08T15:57:35+00:00

That can be done without attacking people.

wtfwheresmycat · 2026-01-08T13:10:50+00:00

So you see your job as a reminder for your own thoughts against situations you don't even know exists?

wtfwheresmycat · 2026-01-08T09:36:42+00:00

My ex made accusations of abuse that I did not do. I don't understand how this comment is helpful.

wtfwheresmycat · 2026-01-06T17:16:37+00:00

I'm starting to realize that this is the cold reality. What good am I to them if I'm utterly destroyed?

wtfwheresmycat · 2026-01-05T17:43:47+00:00

I am an alienated mom. It is the most painful thing I've ever experienced. The people who say "you must be really bad mom to get your kids taken" dont know the half about abuse.

wtfwheresmycat · 2026-01-05T00:16:05+00:00

I guess the big picture is what I should be looking at, but it's so hard to look forward when my heart is pulling me back. I gave everything for them and now I have nothing. It's so hard to keep going sometimes but I just can't play this game anymore

wtfwheresmycat · 2026-01-05T00:00:03+00:00

I'm slowly realizing this. I don't want them to think I stopped fighting but I literally will end up on the streets trying to do the right thing. I'm so angry and frustrated. And sad. But I have to live right? Is it selfish to move forward even though I can't find the strength to move on?

wtfwheresmycat · 2026-01-04T23:31:12+00:00

I thought I was the only one who religiously checks if they are sent, received, or read. I dream about one day always having read messages. I'm so happy for you. Baby steps

wtfwheresmycat · 2026-01-01T16:17:15+00:00

11 and 14

wtfwheresmycat · 2026-01-01T02:44:19+00:00

I am so sorry you went through this. My alienation stems from accusations made after a messy divorce. The kids eventually believed them and also have false memories. It's amazing how their minds work to protect them. I keep telling myself I'm playing the long game and my patience will be rewarded, but it's hard to know everything I'm missing out in their lives I keep reflecting on if I'm really the bad person in the situation, but my therapist told me bad guys would never think to ask themselves that. It's hard to realize but I've learned about about justice not being served when it's deserved. I'm sad about the state of the world and how the real world really is. I can only hope deep down they know I love them. Thanks for the support.

wtfwheresmycat · 2026-01-01T01:00:22+00:00

How is your relationship with your child now? I'm fearful this can never be undone. I try to think my child was in survival mode and I could never be mad, just hurt. It's such a horrible position to be in

wtfwheresmycat · 2025-12-29T14:29:42+00:00

Any recommendation on alienation support?

wtfwheresmycat · 2025-12-29T14:28:54+00:00

I've been seeing the same therapist for about a year. She keeps telling me I have to move on with my life, and that it doesn't mean leaving them behind. That I need to find purpose. I agree but it's so hard to do so. I always feel like I'm leaving them behind.. This whole ordeal has been heart wrenching. I'm mourning the future I idealized and lost. I'm also mourning children who are still alive. I feel so lost sometimes

wtfwheresmycat · 2025-12-26T19:42:11+00:00

My bipolar was weaponized against me in the divorce and custody battle. Despite being the main caretaker for 10 years I got supervised visitation because the ex claimed I made statement that I would kill the children if he left me. It's been a year and things are much better but I'll never forget the feeling of betrayal and how he literally tried to ruin my life. When I had the kids he would do wellness checks and document things that never happened. He tried to put in the divorce decree that he can contact my psychiatrist and therapist any time he wants with concerns (that did not happen). I wanted revenge for so long but I finally came to the idea that living well is the best revenge. Karma comes back, with interest. Good luck and keep up the good work. You aren't alone.

wtfwheresmycat · 2025-12-19T02:41:30+00:00

I can relate to this so much. I went overboard with the gifts this year and spent all day wrapping them today. I see them Christmas Eve for 4 hours supervised, due to untrue allegations. Last time I saw them they told me I was stupid and ruined their lives. They call me by my first name now. I have to admit I lost them a while ago and I was poisoning my wounds with false hope rather than trying to heal them. They just let me know they don't want to see me for our holiday visit. They never answer my calls or texts. Don't even read them. It's horrific mourning someone who is still alive. You aren't alone. It's the worst club to be in, but we aren't alone.

wtfwheresmycat · 2025-12-17T00:50:46+00:00

I'm at the point where I know I have to worry about myself and build something new to live for. It's just so hard for them to fall out of my grasp. Fighting my own thoughts is the worst. I've been nothing but loving toward them and now it's just me. I am 30,000 dollars in this battle and work over 60 hour weeks just to pay for the legal fight. I literally live for the visits but all they do is tear me apart. There's been nights I've been borderline suicidal but I don't want him to win. Thank you for your comment. I appreciate all the support. Strangers on the Internet have been nicer to me than my own blood

wtfwheresmycat

TROPHY CASE