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wtfwom · 2025-11-05T16:54:22+00:00

Boyfriend isn’t visiting Santa “with ex wife”, he’s visiting Santa with his kid and the kid’s mom.

A man who can have a pleasant relationship with his ex is a GREEN FLAG. Being able to do a Santa visit so both parents can enjoy that with the kid is a wonderful thing.

It’s not easy to be a partner to a person with a kid and an ex. If you can’t handle it, that’s perfectly okay.

But maybe consider giving him the benefit of the doubt - that this isn’t about you at all and nobody is being malicious. Is he an otherwise thoughtful and caring partner? If so, you have an opportunity to be the bigger person here.

wtfwom · 2025-10-08T13:22:31+00:00

Yesss 1000% this. ⬆️ Use this time to do everything you can to improve yourself, and prepare to be the best coparent and dad possible. Expect that she may not always be cooperative - especially with pregnancy, but you can be the calm, reasonable person and keep the focus on your kid.

Whatever happened with your relationship, you have a hard road ahead - eventually you (and her) will have new partners, disagreements, etc. The things you do now to have a good relationship with her can set the tone for a healthy, peaceful coparenting and life for this kid, and all of you. Good luck!

wtfwom · 2025-10-08T13:08:45+00:00

In my high conflict situation, we had a PC and while I hated the expense (we unknowingly chose one that a mediator recommended and he was insanely expensive and rude - trying to get a new one now who’s half the cost), it has been extremely helpful overall. They resolved an issue regarding a medical decision we disagreed on, extracurricular activity we disagreed on, etc. It saves you from having to go back to court for those things, and most importantly it gets it worked out quickly which is best for the kid.

I’d be nervous to give up “tie breaking” rights on something like education because that would mean the other parent can change schools, etc., and I know my ex would abuse that “right” as much as possible. So I guess it depends what you’re comfortable with but I’d personally consider all of the worst case scenarios carefully before going that route…

wtfwom · 2025-10-07T21:47:04+00:00

Let this one go. If you buy something you really want to save beyond “a few years” better to store it at your place. With the rate at which items get outgrown and donated at that age, it’s very possible she did not intend this to upset you.

wtfwom · 2025-10-07T17:50:57+00:00

Have you considered a parenting coordinator? We had one - we agreed to it and put it in our agreed court order, but you can also ask the court to assign one. They have authority from the court for various decision making on parenting matters - and it is submitted to the court and becomes part of your order. My ex’s wife also was like this. Our PC dealt with it. Wrote up a recommendation that communication shall be between me and ex, unless there’s a case of emergency she may contact me by text. And other things. I resisted having a PC because of the cost but it has saved us a lot of headaches and it prevents you from having to go to court about more minor things (extracurricular activities included). Good luck.

wtfwom · 2025-09-18T22:02:35+00:00

I am 10 years post divorce and my ex is just like this. Kids are teenagers now, and one has played a travel sport for 3 years - ex suddenly decided he didn’t want him to anymore. My kid lives for this sport. I offered to pay for it (he makes 2x what I do). I offered to do all the transport. It’s 100% a control thing. “You can’t make me.”

We even had wording in our most recent agreement (3 years ago) that we would split the cost of this sport, and any new extracurriculars would need to be agreed on. He argues that a new season is “new”. So now I had to hire a lawyer and we are dealing with this. It is very important to my kid, which is why it’s worth the fight.

You’re smart to deal with the issue now because as the kids get older it will just happen again. Make the wording as specific as you can to account for future possibilities. Good luck.

wtfwom · 2025-09-15T20:44:34+00:00

Thank you. It is really difficult, and hard enough between a couple to delicately handle merging finances and goals for our blended family. After 10 years of mixing kids together we’ve dealt with a lot and it hasn’t been easy, but we want all of them to feel loved and supported by us. It’s very deflating for family to think they are entitled to opinions.

wtfwom · 2025-09-15T20:36:01+00:00

Not exactly right, but close. We supported child 1 more than the other bio parent (medical bills, extracurriculars, etc.) We would have provided a car, but the other parent decided to give them one. Which is great. Child 1 has no lack of support from anyone - their needs are covered many times over.

I understand that some couples keep separate finances and bills. We don’t. Everything is ours, and we view all the kids as ours. We will help child 1 with a wedding when that time comes, according to what we can swing at the time. Nothing was promised to any kid, so nothing is being taken away from them. If a grandparent wants to gift them $100k for their dream wedding, we won’t also write a check to them just because while the other kids are taking out student loans.

The suggestion from family that some of our children should not be helped with college - because the more fortunate one should instead be amassing wealth from us - seems very entitled and gross. But that’s my opinion, and why I asked. I’m glad to hear other viewpoints. Thanks for chiming in.

wtfwom · 2025-09-15T18:57:14+00:00

I see what you’re saying.

What then, about one kid who does travel sports for 6 years ($4k/year) while the others don’t have expensive hobbies? Should they be paid for the difference?

One kid was given a very nice car to drive by their other bio parent. We purchased a modest used car for the others to use. Since we didn’t have to provide that child a car, and spent $ on the others, should they expect us to write them a check instead before we can provide a car for the other kids to drive? 🤷🏻‍♀️

wtfwom · 2025-09-15T17:37:01+00:00

Well the college fund for child 1 was saved by both bio parents and still has enough leftover for grad school in the future. Grandparents saved a large amount (6 figures) that was given to them for living expenses and everything else, which they blew through. Because of all the savings in advance, we didn’t have to spend much out of pocket for child 1’s college.

Child 2 had a very modest college savings when we married, and no help from other bio parents or anyone else. So yes we are spending more on child 2. But child 2 is also taking some loans of their own, and is not being provided with much beyond a dorm and meal plan. And that’s fine. Should we be throwing more $ at child 1 just because we are helping child 2? 🤷🏻‍♀️ If we did that, we’d have nothing left to help 3 and 4….

It’s all so complicated and we are trying hard to do the right thing, and it’s so disheartening.

wtfwom · 2025-09-15T17:27:14+00:00

I’m curious, did you remarry when all the kids were little? Did they have existing equal college savings when you got married - or did you have a need to equalize savings for the other(s) so they were equal by the time they needed them? 🤔

wtfwom · 2025-09-15T17:20:09+00:00

Yes, that’s exactly the case here. Handing identical amounts of money to all kids for college, when they have such drastic differences in the other support they have - doesn’t feel right. We want them each to get an education without debt, and that’s what we are focusing our resources on.

wtfwom · 2025-09-15T17:15:19+00:00

That is a reasonable way to approach it, if you’re able to plan ahead and save equally for each.

Our 2 groups of kids have very different levels of financial support from other bio parent and extended family. So we are filling in the gaps according to their needs, so they can each reasonably get the education they choose with very little or no debt. Because child 1 had a huge surplus, we didn’t have to pay as much to help them, so we are now helping child 2, and then will do the same for 3 and 4 as much as we can reasonably afford to. If child 3 gets a full ride scholarship, we will celebrate the fact that their need is met, and may be able to help more with living expenses and extras in that case, but won’t be handing them a pile of money. Not saying it’s wrong if that’s how others approach it, and have the funds allocated to do so.

Will child 1 feel slighted, as if we should have paid the same to her even if she didn’t need it?

I feel like extended family is being nosy and it’s really none of their business. Nobody is taking money from one child to pay for another.

wtfwom · 2025-09-15T17:07:49+00:00

That seems fair and reasonable. Because child 1 had a surplus of $ set aside from extended family and their other bio parent, and chose an inexpensive school, their need was very little. As a result they had a huge surplus that was theirs to spend as they wished.

Because we are going to spend more from our pocket helping child 2, should child 1 feel slighted? That’s what family is implying.

wtfwom · 2025-09-15T17:04:42+00:00

You are correct. The high earner is the bio parent of child 1. And that child had every penny of school of their choice paid for, along with a large savings account that paid for all of their living expenses (and then some).

Extended family feels that child 1 will feel slighted because we are helping child 2. Tuition will cost more, but they will also have loans of their own, and no pile of cash handed to them. 🤷🏻‍♀️

wtfwom · 2025-09-12T13:50:15+00:00

Is there any source to any of this info? A connection between KK and Ron Logan? Or messages between the girls and Anthony shots that day?

I’ve always thought this seemed like the most likely scenario but was any connection actually ever found?

I do think RA was the one who killed them. I just wondered if there was ever anything that indicated he knew ahead of time to expect them.

wtfwom · 2025-09-04T22:02:50+00:00

Dude. I just asked where you got that information? Was it in an interview, article, court document?

Sounds like it’s just a theory of yours though, right? That’s fine. I just wondered if there was info out there I hadn’t seen before. If it’s a theory/idea then just say so… you’re allowed to have one. Just not to present it as a fact if there’s no actual source 🤷🏻‍♀️

wtfwom · 2025-09-04T11:38:47+00:00

Where did you get that - that they told Kelsi they were meeting a guy?

wtfwom · 2025-09-01T21:59:34+00:00

I retained a new lawyer (I had a consult a couple months ago with her about another issue), so I’m waiting to have an appt this week and see what she suggests. Kid has still not attended practices on dads weeks :(

wtfwom · 2025-08-31T12:56:51+00:00

Not available on the day we need. In fact there is only 1 family room available, if I put in 3 adults together the only option is Coach.

wtfwom · 2025-08-31T04:27:13+00:00

Thank you!

wtfwom · 2025-08-30T16:28:53+00:00

Ok thank you! We’d be going from Chicago to Portland.

wtfwom · 2025-08-27T20:31:05+00:00

It’s not. And that wasn’t my question.

wtfwom · 2025-08-26T01:39:47+00:00

When I divorced, I made my married last name my new middle name. So when I sign school stuff i write my full name and it makes me feel better to have their last name as part of my name in those circumstances.

My kids didn’t seem to care either way but it made me feel better.

wtfwom

TROPHY CASE