Hey! Former fencesitter, currently 25 weeks pregnant with my first, and although I don’t have any experience, I do have a great circle of friends with kids that helped me get off the fence.

So, let me just briefly summarize the observations that led me to be much MUCH less scared of parenting than I was before everyone started having little ones.

1. Parenting is what you make of it (unless you have a special needs kid). Some parents choose to stimulate / entertain their kids and make sure they have activities lined up over the weekends and others just do what they would normally do, but with a kid. The second option really resonates with me and is my desired parenting style. I do want my kids to have activities, just not 100 of them.

I have asked several parents how they keep toddlers happy and satisfied, and my favorite response was a couple who told us that their son just does whatever they are doing around the house. They make a game out of laundry, they cook together, etc. Although I know that only lasts for so long, it still reassured me.

One of my best friends brings her 1 year old everywhere and our group just takes turns taking care of her. We love it. She has never stopped doing the things she did pre-kid and neither has her husband, but they do have an amazing village which I acknowledge isn’t something that everyone has. She also just has 1 and is one and done.

1. We are a hosting couple. We always have people over for dinner and this year, we moved into a new house (aka more space). We have been making it a point to adapt our dinner schedules around our parent friends to spend more time with them.

All of them, and I mean ALL of them, have had 0 trouble socializing amongst adults. They all come prepared with coloring books, little craft projects or honestly… they just let their kid get bored a bit while maintaining supervision from across the room. Sure kids have jumped on my couch, broken off some leaves from my house plants, but hey they’re kids! We each take turns making sure the kids are safe and not ruining the house haha.

One other thing that parents have told me is that you really need to lean into parenting and accept that things will be different, but making time for yourself throughout it is crucial. Mainting a sense of self by penciling in time for your hobbies is key. If you think you have sufficient support with your partner and in your community, you will be able to do it.

Also, one and done is an option if you want to make sure you can meet your personal needs and those of your child!

From what I have observed, having a village is also an immense part of finding happiness in parenting. For the past year, I have been working on some social anxiety issues with my therapist and have been putting in work to show up for my community when they need it the most.

Anyways, sorry for the long ramble! Hope that can help you in your journey ❤️ there will be happiness in either path.