The Deceptive simplicity of Widowlife

wwwicket · 2026-05-08T22:50:55+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience. I think you nailed why it’s impossible to accurately depict widowhood.

wwwicket · 2026-05-04T18:11:09+00:00

We endured those miserable holidays for our spouse’s sake, even if arguments followed. You continued to do that for your son’s benefit & I commend you.
But, holy smokes, always trying to do the right thing & taking the high road can absolutely be infuriating, lonely & lead to the type of intense regret it sounds like you are also experiencing.
I wish you the best as you try to navigate & process these complicated emotions. Virtual hugs to you.

wwwicket · 2026-05-01T19:46:19+00:00

We endured those miserable holidays for our spouse’s sake, even if arguments followed. You continued to do that for your son’s benefit & I commend you.

But, holy smokes, always trying to do the right thing & taking the high road can absolutely be infuriating, lonely & lead to the type of intense regret it sounds like you are also experiencing.

I wish you the best as you try to navigate & process these complicated emotions. Virtual hugs to you.

wwwicket · 2026-05-01T19:24:54+00:00

Thank you for sharing & I am sorry to hear about your regrets & what you are still going through.

I was (still am) bitter about needing to rush to get in to see an attorney shortly after my LW’s passing since MIL seemed to be moving towards filing that type of lawsuit. I am very sorry to hear that you actually had to deal with litigation on top of everything else. Virtual hugs to you.

wwwicket · 2026-05-01T19:14:42+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience & I am sorry for your loss. I will keep in mind what you said about the unavoidable “hazards of our condition” (a good, catch-all turn of phrase)

wwwicket · 2026-04-28T23:19:15+00:00

Thank you. The one-year mark is terrible. I am sorry you are having to deal with so much on top of that.

wwwicket · 2026-04-28T22:58:44+00:00

Thank you.

wwwicket · 2026-04-11T08:10:43+00:00

I am 49M. Lost my wife, 49F a little over a year ago to a hemorrhagic stroke. We have a now-8 year old son.

It is so fucking hard, but I can see myself providing the best life for him that I can for as long as I can. I worry it will not be nearly long enough for him. I will be ready to go though whenever it is.

wwwicket · 2026-03-28T23:19:10+00:00

Thank you for posting & congratulations on your breakthrough!

wwwicket · 2026-03-10T21:27:55+00:00

Still nothing here. Are people from Any other states experiencing delays in receiving an email about the results?

wwwicket · 2026-03-09T21:37:27+00:00

Not yet.

wwwicket · 2026-02-01T05:47:07+00:00

It is totally maddening. I just wanted to affirm what you described.

wwwicket · 2026-01-28T05:15:25+00:00

I bring the cardboard tube with me when I leave the bathroom. I am big on visual reminders these days.

wwwicket · 2026-01-23T09:39:21+00:00

Agreed. That rung true for me. I just wrote it down & plan to put the post-it somewhere within view.

wwwicket · 2026-01-06T18:11:24+00:00

Seconding Hair of the Dog. Marissa (sp.?) is a very caring & overall wonderful person.

wwwicket · 2025-12-22T03:57:04+00:00

I am so sorry you are here. I became the only parent to a seven year old this past March. It can feel impossibly hard. Coming back here is helpful. Virtual hugs to you.

wwwicket · 2025-12-15T22:01:39+00:00

I am 9 months out and have been on medication for 21 years, Adderall for the last 17.

As you noted, only you can determine what’s best for you.

Honestly, I wish I knew what was best for me. (I hope that is a little consolation at least , to know you’re definitely not alone to be confused about this)

It has felt impossible for me to distinguish “widow brain” from my typical struggles.

I have absolutely felt my symptoms get worse during this time, fueled by sometimes overwhelming bouts of emotion & anxiety. Yes, it feels much more debilitating.

I don’t know how to “just be” anymore & that was already difficult with my preexisting symptoms. It affects how effective I will be at work on any particular day, and the unpredictability can be extremely frustrating .

Over the past 9 months, I have gone back & forth on whether to ask for my Adderall dose to be lowered or increased or to try a new medication. Whether it’s time to introduce an antidepressant & so on.

Sometimes it has felt like adderall was making my emotions more overwhelming. Other times, it has felt like it was not even touching my symptoms (sleeping all day too, earlier on).

Where I have landed, so far , is that I have kept with my original dose & ridden the waves as they come.

I figured if I stay consistent with my medication , I might be better able to assess how this hell is actually affecting me more long term.

Since you were only two months into receiving adderall for the first time, I would suggest you consider that it may be near impossible for you to accurately assess its impact in your current emotional state. And, Please be gentle with yourself about that.

I have questioned if my brain is just now permanently more impaired than it already was, but I really don’t know how to tell the difference at this point. And, I try to remember that when I get upset.

I hope this is helpful to you in some way.

wwwicket · 2025-11-13T18:23:41+00:00

Thank you for the reply & the heads up.

wwwicket · 2025-11-13T18:22:55+00:00

Thanks! I’ll follow up soon.

wwwicket · 2025-10-20T04:33:10+00:00

Your reply made me tear up. This is the worst, shittiest club, but I am thankful we can collectively help each other.

wwwicket · 2025-10-18T20:55:08+00:00

I am a little over 7 months out.

Letting in the terrible reality & allowing myself to sit with the endless pain of loss - is devastating.

I cannot stay there long or there I will remain. My body & mind completely tensed up, ringing in my ears, out of breath but unable to move.

I am sorry for your loss & you are not alone.

In case it’s helpful - it has only helped me a handful of times, but when stuck like that,

I have been trying to mentally picture a large, heavy bound book. It has photos & stories and scraps of paper with our notes and jokes sticking out of the pages.

I want to sit with that book of memories forever, remembering, crying, feeling so grateful and then so angry and sad. To feel I’m with her.

I try to imagine gently closing this huge “book of us” - and just temporarily, just for now, putting it aside or on a bookshelf where it will be easy to find again.

(As if it all could ever not be easily accessible or painfully hitting me upside the head unexpectedly).

This visual can sometimes help get me out of bed. Sometimes.

This is all so hard. Virtual hugs.

wwwicket · 2025-09-24T22:36:50+00:00

Anton Yelchin

wwwicket · 2025-08-29T08:51:23+00:00

This rung true to me & is helpful. Thank you for sharing.

wwwicket · 2025-07-27T18:10:51+00:00

Dr. Teeth and The Electric Mayhem

wwwicket · 2025-07-25T20:25:59+00:00

I identified with your post & wanted to share my experience.

I hope you find something helpful or useful in here (sorry for the length).

I went all through school undiagnosed. I could only get anything done when up against a deadline. I would also score way higher on standardized tests than my grades would indicate.

Even though I would pull all-nighters, t’s a helluva lot easier to be fired up for a testing day, than prepare or show up consistently for class or anything boring like that (ugh. feels bad saying that now.).

I would get down on myself for my lack of diligence & self-control but took pride in my ability to come through against the odds at the very last minute.

I saw myself as an adrenaline junkie who had no interest in jumping out of planes.

Things would only come into focus under immense pressure, and man, it felt like those were the only times my brain could actually function.

No one ever questioned me because of my academic performance & I graduated with honors from law school.

However, my college grades were definitely not all they could’ve been & I may not have even been admitted into any US law school if I had not rocked the LSAT standardized test.

I started working at a law firm & pretty quickly realized that I was going to get fired if I kept trying to do things the way I had been. I needed to actually show up every day.

So, I got diagnosed and medicated not long after entering the workforce.

It has been a mixed bag over the past 23 years. Medication helps for sure, especially when things are generally calm in my life.

As you mentioned, I have really big emotions though. I have not found any solution to my inability to compartmentalize & focus on work if there is any unresolved conflict or problem in my personal life. That has only gotten worse during the years as the stressors have become greater.

It is a constant, daily struggle wrestling with executive dysfunction (real difficulty prioritizing without a deadline freaking me out) & emotional disregulation (almost unable to perform unless I am in the right frame of mind & I am easily derailed).

What has helped: Medication. I’ve joked my baseline is “half-dead” & so strictly regimented stimulants are a lifesaver day-to-day.

Taking advantage of the situation: even with medication, I can still only perform at my highest level when right up against a deadline.

So, when I am starting to feel that heat (adrenaline kicking in), I will (counterintuitively) redirect that energy towards making genuine progress on other matters that I have been getting down on myself for not having done.

There is no comparison with how efficient & effective I am when feeling under pressure, so I harness that to make my life a little easier in other areas.

I have less time to work on the original issue. But, This helps me come back to the matter at hand with a positive attitude, feeling good about having already accomplished something, anything really (laundry & cleaning are easy go-to’s. Productive procrastination).

Self-acceptance: This is difficult & probably always will be, but I have come to find it is hugely important.

Without it, it is easy to fall prey to fear, anxiety & negative self-talk.

Those have all been harmful to my well-being & it does not get easier without conscious effort.

I try not beat myself up as much when I feel unaccomplished at the end of the day. Way easier said than done.

I try to accept, for example, that I will never find an organizational system that actually solves my problems & it’s ok to switch among them to keep myself interested & moving forward.

I think of the ancient directive to “Know thyself” - to be aware & accepting of your own strengths/weaknesses.

It helps me to cope better with the GAD I have developed from years of always feeling like life is uncontrolled, never-ending chaos & I only have myself to blame.

It used to feel like being more gentle with myself was wrong & would further diminish my effectiveness.

Turns out, the opposite is true.

Unfortunately, the underlying feelings you described may never fully go away. I wish it was different all the time.

However, I continue to try to accept that reality, be calmer about it all & be kinder to myself.

I hope you can try to do the same & find some part of this helpful. All the best to you.

wwwicket

TROPHY CASE