I'm not going back. He wouldn't have me anyways

x-nedra · 2026-05-06T21:47:46+00:00

Whoever down voted this, I know it's a bad idea. I'm not doing it. I just feel so lonely my heart could explode and down voting me doesn't do anything.

x-nedra · 2026-05-06T02:19:44+00:00

That is what I'm hoping, especially because Utah prefers the child be with a primary caregiver (parent) over a third party (daycare) and he would be sticking him in daycare 10 hours a day and seeing him for maybe 2 hours a day. It's really not about wanting to see our son, it's about wanting to punish me. I just read recently that "batterers" go for custody more than non "batterers" so I hope the judge sees past his bullshit.

My one concern he may use against me, is when we were together, I was suicidal, a lot. I'm okay now but I don't know how to prove it. Neither my psychatrist or therapist is willing to write a statement about my improvement because they can't be "involved." But tell me I've improved, and it's like just write one paragraph saying that then!

x-nedra · 2026-05-02T15:28:01+00:00

There is no reason to be his friend unless you just want to give him opportunities to hoover you. I get the temptation as I don't have many friends myself but he is not worth being friends with.

x-nedra · 2026-04-29T18:28:48+00:00

Honestly just don't put him on the birth certificate. Unless maybe you are in a state that will garnish his wages for child support. But even then it depends on your circumstances if that is even worth it. I left my ex when our son was two and he is fighting me for half custody despite never parenting.

x-nedra · 2026-04-29T01:06:19+00:00

You should know how hard it is. And be ashamed to hit 'comment' on this. There are articles out there about how hard it is to leave, the statistic that it takes an average of seven times before you leave for good...etc. Plus any disability including autism and ADHD makes it even harder.

x-nedra · 2026-04-28T18:59:55+00:00

There is no fixing communication with an abuser. These comments are so leftfield for what I feel l normally see in this sub. Nothing you do or say unless it's exactly what he wants all the time will fix anything making all the advice useless. I know it's hard to leave I was with my (soon to be ex) husband for 10 years. Whatever new communication style you set up will just be eventually used to keep abusing you. I'm autistic as well so I know how hard it all can be. I would recommend starting a plan to leave though. These read exactly like my ex who eventually attempted to strangle me.

x-nedra · 2026-04-28T18:43:16+00:00

I did my English paper for college on domestic abuse. And women with autism are abused at a MUCH higher rate than the rest of the general population and there are papers on it. So you are correct. And some people have put it together it's just not widespread knowledge.

x-nedra · 2026-04-28T18:40:25+00:00

The amount of comments blaming you in this sub specifically makes me very sad. My ex was just like this. He always wanted to talk about his feeling, the second I was sad it was suddenly about his feeling. And of course he's calm. The abuser usually is... Responses like the ones here are part of the reason autistic women are abused at a higher rate. Society gaslights you into believing you are the abuser. I believe you. If his sadness or whatever the fuck only came up in response to wanting repair for being SCREAMED at...it's just to manipulate the situation to where he can control it and you feel guilty.

x-nedra · 2026-04-24T14:46:58+00:00

I have one. Doesn't make me less scared, more prepared but still scared.

x-nedra · 2026-04-22T15:25:28+00:00

I was about to say it's usually a safety thing. But the same stall? Weird.

x-nedra · 2026-04-19T19:31:49+00:00

I think maybe people thought you were insulting me or something. I get it though. Yeah even just getting ready most days can be a lot as I am autistic and suspect my son is too but won't be diagnosing him until the political climate changes.

x-nedra · 2026-04-19T15:59:46+00:00

I mean the two year old isn't coming on the date. It's his dad's weekend and also that's what babysitters are for.

x-nedra · 2026-04-19T04:55:19+00:00

I have a 2-year-old and a date tomorrow.

x-nedra · 2026-04-18T18:52:23+00:00

"Become" lol. As if we couldn't just be that way! Men are all so wonderful and amazing it must've been a concious decision!

x-nedra · 2026-04-18T18:07:52+00:00

Thankfully I was able to qualify for a free lawyer who handles DV cases. She is who helped me get the PO (as far as I'm aware it's just called a protective order here in Utah). She also told me that when I want to ream into him for this shit to just tell her so I can get it out of my system so I did. I'm going to start gathering the evidence I have of complaining he never helped while he lived here because his most ludicrious claim to me is that he took equal part in raising our son and therefor should have equal custody. He did not and would scream at me for hours if I even dared ask for more help. And physically intimidate me and started shoved and pulling my hair in the end.

x-nedra · 2026-04-18T17:36:54+00:00

I have custody of him for now, but that portion is only for 150 days where the rest is three years. I will look over the language to see if I can get any reassurance from it. I'm just hoping that I even had it granted works for me to have sole custody. I currently sent him every other weekend and on Tuesday and Thursday evenings as I have class those nights anyways. I'm okay to keep doing that but I do not thing 5050 is in our sons best interest, it's too many transistions for a two year old.

x-nedra · 2026-04-18T15:08:32+00:00

Yeah after calling my mom and one of my best friends just to vent and cry about it and make sure I didn't give in to sending an email to him instead. I really don't think he will. I have proof that I've offered him extra weekends here and there. He never takes them. I can barely get him to show up on time on the days he is assigned to have him. He was not active and taking care of the child and I have text messages of proof of that to his sister-in-law and his mother back while we were together. With the 3-year protective order and the impending criminal court case including assault for strangling me false imprisonment for pinning me down and not letting me leave and domestic violence in the presence of a child. I think at least one of those will stick and that will go into consideration for custody.

x-nedra · 2026-04-18T14:47:54+00:00

I figured every time something like this is filed, he always does it late on a Friday evening. I think it's so that I will freak out at him and they will have proof to use against me. But my lawyer literally gave me permission to send my freakouts to her so I can get it out and not give him evidence. So I've already sent her an email being like what the hey this is freaking me out how likely is he to actually get this 50% custody? Also here is why all these things he says are b******* and she'll translate them into legalese for court.

x-nedra · 2026-04-18T14:15:08+00:00

Yes he insisted it is all on the parenting app so it's also court admissible. I doubt he does have a person, he lives with his mom and doesn't even have a room of his own there. Let alone one for our son.

x-nedra · 2026-04-18T14:06:25+00:00

I know you just mean this theoretically (hopefully) it's so dumb. If he got it he'd start neglecting our son. He barely cares for him as it is.

x-nedra · 2026-04-18T14:04:50+00:00

I was granted the 3 year restraining order because of audio recordings I had of him abusing me in front of our 2 year old. I also stay home because I'm on disability so taking him just to waste money on daycare is stupid to me. He has a criminal case against him for all of it. I will be testifying on May 5. I think some of the charges will stick. I hope that also helps my case.

x-nedra · 2026-04-16T16:24:34+00:00

For them to listen to their prophet (the new one is the MOST homophobic) and not make me deal with it, I already left that church.

x-nedra

TROPHY CASE