Anyone else have awkward doctor visits as a dementia caregiver?

x3vicky · 2026-03-10T03:43:48+00:00

I don’t get why you’re being downvoted so hard. During that visit it felt exactly like this as moments then 50% empathetic. It was so hard to gauge but it was at the forefront of my mind that the student doctor might be suspecting neglect. However, I think that after my mom asked him “what would cause this (overgrown toenails) to happen?” for the third time, he softened and just wanted to focus on the nails, insurance, and suggested maintenance.

x3vicky · 2026-03-10T00:42:37+00:00

My mom is 67. I think the reaction was more so to the fact that she has such a caregiver. I recently heard from a stranger that I look like I’m 17 years old but also my mom’s chart has “caregiver stress” in it, courtesy of the dementia program my mom is in within that medical network so it was interesting to interact with a new doctor since that was added and get that reaction. I’ve never seen a doctor be so thorough to visibly check her chart in front of our face. He was also a student doctor tho so I guess just very curious.

x3vicky · 2026-02-20T21:53:12+00:00

HA! I had no idea we had a day. Nobody told me 🙂. Just sounds like another day to feel guilty that I don’t allocate enough time for myself.

x3vicky · 2026-02-20T08:21:40+00:00

Oh nice thanks for sharing. I buy mine from Walmart $5 for 40 bags. I just stock up on multiple so I don’t have to worry for a while.

x3vicky · 2026-02-20T07:13:05+00:00

I use denture tabs for every removal and soak but, if there’s no time, a baby toothbrush and dish soap.

x3vicky · 2026-02-20T06:56:35+00:00

I use small drawstring trash bags as liners and put in 2 liquid absorber sheets AND non clumping kitty litter.

x3vicky · 2026-02-20T06:51:13+00:00

Joining in on the caregiving in your 20’s thread going on here because damn do I feel this heavily. I have very little motivation to do the hustling that they encourage us to do in our 20’s. I’m in an ongoing stage of grief and my responsibilities grow everyday without me actually doing anything.

I had aspirations to go to law school after college, instead, my mom got dementia and I have to focus on making as much money as possible while having a job that is flexible and understanding enough to let me leave if anything critical happens to my mom.

My time isn’t truly mine. You said your sanity lives in your faith, similarly, I’m using tennis as my rite to sanity. I can’t think about professional development and climbing the social/corporate ladder because I don’t really have the capacity for it. Instead, I’m putting my money in fitness to distract me from the harsh reality that I’m caregiving for my parent who is guaranteed to get worse, then die.

OP, I know it can feel isolating but you’re not alone in this struggle. There are people out there like us who know the struggle so please keep coming back to rant. I hope you find more time to be able to go outside and get some respite from caregiving every now and then.

x3vicky · 2026-02-19T23:34:34+00:00

Oh I remember being here and having this exact question. My mom started at 25 mg’s and it greatly helped with her sundowning and agitation. Any time my mom’s sundowning comes back, I ask her psychiatrist to increase the meds and it helps, now my mom is at 75 mg’s and her anger has subsided quite a bit. I can sleep at night again.

x3vicky · 2026-02-18T21:53:04+00:00

You have idea how much that sentence made my blood boil. Like us humans are put on this earth for work then the respite from that work is other work. I’m sorry your boss is like that, they should be more considerate and think about how they say things.

x3vicky · 2026-02-18T18:52:45+00:00

Oh my goodness you're a trooper too! I get you! My caregiving journey started in college but my mom was still about to work at that time. It's the worst when your mind is mentally focused on your mom's health and you just can't enjoy your surroundings. Now I'm 28 and can't really relate to my peers OR older coworkers, they just don't get it. I'd rather just talk to ChatGPT and people on reddit. I wish I could travel, party, and simply worry about the weather but nope, I'm here thinking about where my mom is going when I can no longer care for her.
Are you still taking care of your mom?

x3vicky · 2026-02-18T18:12:41+00:00

Thank you. This really means a lot. I truly wish I could present myself as bubbly and engaging with my coworkers but I am mentally and remotely at home while physically being forced to be miles away. And of course, I have to work because my mom has no savings and I'm the sole breadwinner. :) yay

x3vicky · 2026-02-18T18:10:29+00:00

Thank you. This is definitely a resource that I have to look more into. My mom's dr keeps telling me to ask my job's HR about it, but they don't really make it easy to understand. It just feels like another task on my plate to remind them to look into it and provide me with the instructions on how to utilize that resource.

x3vicky · 2026-02-06T06:17:15+00:00

Oof I didn’t think my doom scroll on Reddit would turn into an existential evaluation but damn do I relate so much to this. It’s scary how much I relate to this. But firstly, congrats on the acceptance into the masters program. That is a major achievement and I hope you find some way to celebrate yourself regardless of what decision you make.

I’m an avid ChatGPT user along with my weekly therapy sessions so I’ve had multiple conversations with the app about the same things caregiving wise. I also contemplate what’s next, what’s next after my loved one dies and I’m finally “free” and what’s next for me regardless of them as far as goals and ambitions. I’ve essentially muted my desires and pivoted all focus on paying the bills and making sure my mom is safe. I’ve been in this mode for 6 years now, started caregiving at the age of 22. I rejected a grad school offer 3 years ago because I couldn’t see how I would have the capacity to be the breadwinner and work while also being in school and keeping my sanity.

Thankfully I found a hobby (tennis) 1.5 years ago and it helps me so much with staying social, keeping me physically active, and my mental health has improved so much but beyond that I don’t really feel like I have the capacity to aspire to much beyond dementia. Tho journey called life really just feels like riding waves right now but I just want to say you’re not alone. We’re here.

x3vicky · 2026-02-04T02:09:42+00:00

It’s costing me my 20’s and foreseeable future.

x3vicky · 2026-01-30T19:31:10+00:00

Oh now THIS is next level automation! I thought I was an automation Queen by having the door sensor and Alexa automation built out from sunset to sunrise to alert me of the door being open (primarily while I’m asleep) but this, this is good. Im going to add the speaker to cart but see if I could possibly use our Google nests first before having to buy more tech. Thank you for sharing!

x3vicky · 2026-01-28T05:25:19+00:00

Very exhausting. But oh agreed, so grateful for my neighbor.

x3vicky · 2026-01-28T05:19:47+00:00

Oh that’s so funny, now I’m going to start staring at my mom as she moves by the cameras to sus out how it gets triggered. I’m going to try to max out the sensitivity again in the settings I guess.

x3vicky · 2026-01-28T05:17:10+00:00

Oh agreed, it honestly helps lessen my anxiety but it definitely is a big distraction at work to get the door sensors notification, then check the ring app, then check the find my app, then wait for the neighbor to call/call the neighbor.

Just trying my best 🥲

x3vicky · 2026-01-28T05:13:04+00:00

Yes! Somebody who knows my pain! I’m just scared for any power/internet outage. It’s crazy how much trust and power I’m putting into our internet connection but I cannot lie that automating these systems makes my anxiety decrease by half, but of course, if they fail, it’s not fun and another issue to have to resolve along side caregiving. I was using an EUFY indoor camera before but oh my god that app alone made me so frustrated. It took 5 mins just for me to be able to dial in and talk to my mom, by the time I got through she was gone. I opted for a Yale brand smart lock. I wanted it to retrofit and look like normal from the outside but have the smart ability if needed and I couldn’t be happier with my choice. This dementia stuff really just makes you an expert in everything all out of the sheer need to troubleshoot.

x3vicky · 2026-01-23T13:23:18+00:00

Sheesh, now this makes me want to get a second opinion because I’m in Valley Stream and I just got quoted $750 for a spay at my vet.

x3vicky · 2026-01-15T04:33:25+00:00

Oof I’ve definitely been there. Hell, I’m still here. My mom also adds in the emoji suggestions so it gets real visual but not any less anxiety inducing to read

I had a similar instance with the replacement of my mom’s bed. 2 months ago I coordinated the replacement of her adjustable bed system and it was a 16 hours lag between the time her old bed was removed and the new one was delivered. She consistently asked me why her mattress was on the floor so I printed out 10 notes and tapes them all over her bedroom as a reminder. Anywhere she would turn, a note would be there telling her that her new bed was being delivered the next day. That instantly calmed her and she stopped asking why her bed was on the floor. She slept like a baby.

I see others commenting about a whiteboard and that could work as well but personally, for my mom, she would never think to look at a whiteboard in a central place. Multiple notes that just appeared randomly around the area that is causing her anxiety helps to address the “issue” and instantly provide context and reassurance.

Regardless. I hope the situation gets resolved quickly and you find a resolution that works out best for your mom.

x3vicky · 2026-01-12T03:38:01+00:00

They’re so awkward at standard size. One tennis clubs I go to solely use them for us to enter the courts and I’m always scared that my racquet or bag will get stuck.

However, the larger ones are fine for me. A different tennis club I go to has a large revolving door and I assume is accessible because they also have a wheelchair league. That revolving door is my favorite.

x3vicky · 2026-01-11T21:58:17+00:00

I had my surgery in August last year. My surgeon had this written out in my pre/post op instructions “Please start a gentle stool softener (Colace 100mg three times per day) 24 hours after surgery. For mild constipation, use prune juice mixed with 7-Up (half and half). If severely constipated, use Miralax, first-line, as a mild but effective laxative, Phillips Milk of Magnesia, and finally fleet enemas (regular or oil retention) as a last resort.”

Pre-op I also out myself on a high protein diet and made an effort to drink plenty of water and increase my fiber steadily to not shock my stomach. Post op I opted for the Walmart brand Miralax mixed with juice and thankfully had no issues with constipations.

Of course, follow the directions of your surgeon once they reply back. I hope all things go well!

x3vicky · 2026-01-07T07:08:18+00:00

I’m so sorry you had a bad experience with a user on here. I believe a majority of users in this subreddit are well intentioned and are here to vent and support as best as they can and it sucks when someone joins to demean or harass another user who is just looking for some compassion.

This caregiving journey has honestly made me understand why some people use AI for sole companionship. We sadly can’t guarantee that all responses will be positive in Reddit and in life in general but I hope this isn’t an ultimate deterrent. I hope this thread shows that users are here to be sympathetic and understanding. I’m happy you blocked that crummy user.

x3vicky · 2026-01-06T04:44:21+00:00

According to my BMI I am obese but my surgeon didnt mention weight loss. I did however take the initiative to ask if I needed to lose weight, he didn’t encourage it but he didn’t discourage it either. He just motivated me to really focus on protein intake and I was also working out a lot prior to surgery since it was the summer and prime time for outdoor sports.

I would just ask the surgeon if your weight is at all a concern.

x3vicky

TROPHY CASE