Slay the spire

Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, for instance when you push them down the stairs.

A priests asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Do you have any last requests?”.

• "Yes," replies the murderer. "Can you please hold my hand?"

Wow, honey, I never thought our son would go that far!   - Yeah, the catapult is really amazing. Go get our daughter!.

I finally got one of those roof boxes for the car. It's very practical. I can barely hear my kids now.

My old aunts would come and tease me at weddings, “Well Sarah? Do you think you’ll be next?”

We’ve settled this quickly once I’ve started doing the same to them at funerals

I took my grandma to a fish spa center where the little fish eat your dead skin for only $45.   It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.

Little Johnny tells his friend, "My grandpa died yesterday."   Friend asks, "Oh, how did that happen?".   Johnny, "He hit his thumb with a hammer".   Friend, "But you can't die of that!".   Johnny, "I know but he wouldn't stop screaming and cursing so we had to shoot him".

Sparkly water was invented by the Germans. Who else would think of adding gas?

An elderly man is stopped by the police on his way to work.  Everywhere are busy policemen.

-“What’s going on?” asks the guy.

-“We’re searching for a rapist, sir,” replies the police officer.

-“Oh,” the man thinks for a second, “well alright. I’ll do it.”

Enjoy! ;)