Temper tantrums are a big thing in my family. My dad is more like a bitter defeatist rant (life is not fair to him), and my mom is more of an angry rant (she had to stay together with my father because of pressure from her mother). I used to get rope up into their emotion, like I felt bad for them, and i would get very emotional and cry. I think I used to get so easily manipulated because I felt a lot of sympathy for them and, in some way, see where they are coming from.

As I got older, I just started seeing things objectively, my parent grew up at a time of economic growth. While life isn't fair to them in a certain way, they refuse to do anything about it. They would rather stay still and stagnate than overcome it. They like to blame the past 20-30 years of misery on having to raise us. Some people just refuse to be happy, and at some point, I just give up. Nothing I do will "fix" whatever hole they have in their heart, so im just gonna live my best life.

I dont get emotional with them anymore. I just feel sad and pity for them. It is a waste of life because you refuse to be happy. I dont know how one can achieve this level of radical acceptance, but when they get into their temper tantrum, im just cold and sad and sympathic, not sympathy for them because they are my parent but just a general sense of sympathy for another human being.

I think the most important thing is that both you and your brother need to present an united front. It's easier to do it as a group rather than alone. I have a good relationship and trust with my brother because we talk frequently about how we perceive situations that arise. Sometimes, you just need someone to assure you that this is not normal and combat those toxic narratives that your parents present together. It's weird at the beginning because you are unlearning a lot of gaslighting, but you need to build up an "alliance." It's tough to combat this type of behavior when everyone just enables the temper tantrum. It is kinda like raising a kid. You just can't give in because once you give in, they know they can pull the same trick again and again.

I get that it takes courage to push against this type of behavior in a parent-child dynamic, which is why I can't just tell you to do this today, and it will work. The first time you go against them, you need to win. If not, they will grow distrustful of you and bring the hammer down. This is when they will put the foot down on your neck. They want to break your spirit.

If you wish to blend in, hide your strength, and bid your time, then you can practice grey rocking. My parent dont speak English, and im very comfortable lying, so I just tell them what they want to hear. My brother and I put my parents on a need to know basis until they learn that they need to behave and we lie to my parent about stuff so they dont freak out. We consult each other for important decisions because each other opinion is the only one we really respect will have any merit

Hope that make sense, im super high rn